Stahlke Adoption

Learning to Cuddle

"Mama!" Mikola pointed across the room to Paul's bed. After I said goodnight and tucked him in, I lay down on Paul's bed and watched Mikola fall asleep. He sucked his thumb loudly and rocked violently back and forth. At times, the thumb would come out of his mouth and he would sing loud rhythmic songs. Since the age of ten months, no one had rocked him to sleep, so he learned to do it for himself.

After a few nights, I insisted on laying on Mikola's bed instead of Paul's. "MAMA!" Mikola's displeasure and frustation were very clear, but I held my ground. He moved to the far edge of the twin bed, and I lay perfectly still, looking straight up in the air with my hands at my side. He rocked, sang, and sucked his thumb, with no physical contact between us. Because he is not used to touching, it feels very threatening to him.

More nights passed in this manner, and then one evening our dog Dakota jumped into bed with us. "Mama, make him get off the bed!" After awhile, however, Mikola decided that Dakota could stay as long as he remained at the foot of the bed, with my legs between him and the dog. Mikola's fear of Dakota, although gradually tempering, prompted him to move closer to me and nuzzle in, just a little.

Over time, Mikola's comfort level with cuddling is improving. Now he will casually drape a leg over mine, or bump into me (on purpose) as he rocks. And on occasion, if I lay my hand lightly on his back, the rocking will cease. My little boy, who at five is the youngest child we will have, is slowly letting me hold him like a baby. I feel like he needs it, and doing so also fills a need in me.

posted by Stahlkes @ 1:27 PM