Post-Party
Paul's birthday party at the trampoline center exceeded our expectations, which were already high. Everyone had a fantastic time. The highlight for me was sharing a positive experience with my children. So much of my life involves refereeing the constant skirmishes in our house, and dealing with misbehavior and backtalk. For a few hours on Friday, we all just had fun.
18!
Happy Birthday, Paul!
Besides adult-type gifts, such as his own alarm clock and checking account, we're treating a group of 15 to an evening at Xtreme Trampolines. Check out their website to see the wall-to-wall fun:
http://carolstream.xtremetrampolines.com/photos
Challenge
I conduct a chapel service each week for the nursery school at our church. Each we discuss one of the stained glass windows in the sanctuary. This week's window showed a door frame with blood on the lintel and posts. My assignment: explain the Passover celebration to a large group of four-year-olds. Last year, I mostly read from a children's edition of the Bible. Even a children's translation was too vivid for this age group.
How would you approach this topic with such a young group? I'll tell you my solution on my next post.
Birthdays
We belong to a support organization called FRUA--Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption. In the Fall 2010 issue of their publication _The Family Focus_ is an excellent article by Patty Cogen titled "Whe Adopted Teens 'Fall Apart' and How to Help Them." The bulk of the piece describes brain development in teenagers, especially how the frontal lobes in charge of executive functioning are the last part of the brain to mature.
The most interesting portion of the article for us discussed the significance of major birthdays. Before we read this article, we had already celebrated Paul, Adam, and Rachel's 16th birthdays with larger gifts than usual. And next week we are hosting a birthday party with friends (the first such event for any of our children) to mark Paul's 18th. It helps to emphasize the positive at these times.
I quote from Cogen's article:
A teen's separating from parents and becoming an individual is a developmental task that takes on special meaning for adopted teens. We all need to remember that every internationally adopted child was once required to become overly mature at an extremely young age. Three celebrations evoke powerful reactions in adoptees. The first is
coming of age at 16, when a young person is old enough to drive. The second is
turning 18, which marks the end of required education, the start of the right to sign medical papers, and attainment of the rights of citizenship, including voting and military service. The final celebration is the
21st birthday, when a person becomes a full adult and can legally drink and buy tobacco in every state of the U.S.A.
Rx for parents:
1) Respect your teen's fears as an indication of your success in building attachment.
2) Don't push your youngster to learn to drive or to visit the doctor alone.
3) Reassure your child that he is still and always will be a person you help and protect.
4) Reassure your child she can live at home beyond age 18 or 21.
Last Dance Photo
PS Rachel and Sarah added the commentary on the photo, and I haven't figured out how to get a version with it removed. Could someone advise me how to do this?
Again, Punt
The story of my life right now--little bits of computer time here and there. So . . . here's another photo. Peter bows to the First Lady of Ukraine, who gazes directly at him. For more about this event, see my post on September 12, 2008.
