Dad
My father is now requiring regular doses of morphine, mostly to ease his breathing. The doses are not large ones, but the hospice nurse instructed that they come at set intervals rather than as needed. Whether from the morphine or his heart disease, Dad is now sleeping round the clock, and I've been able to talk with him only once in the last ten days.
But this morning my sister telephoned that Dad was awake, and we talked briefly, I sang to him, and we prayed. What a blessing!
For You
I may not get to a computer tomorrow, so I'll wish you an early
Happy Thanksgiving!
We have much for which to be thankful!
Antidote to Five Teenagers
A writing assignment rested on my dining room chair, where the kids place things for me to see. Peter had written about his mother, and all the wonderful things she can do. It reminded me of my childhood admiration for the women in my life who could cook, sew, clean, teach, and do a multitude of important things that seemed impossible and out-of-reach to me.
Kentucky, our dachshund, always greets me with wide eyes and a wagging tail. What a gift of complete acceptance. Does a body good.
Verse of the Week
Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.
- Luke 23:43
The "Catch-All"
Jonathan is leery of my purse. He refuses to reach into it, for fear it will injure him. After a busy day, I agree--there's no telling what you'll find in it! And it gets very heavy sometimes with miscellaneous "chunked" items. Lately, if I'm driving alone and place my purse on the adjacent seat, the car alerts me that the seat belt for my passenger is not fastened!
Another Prayer Concern
Another dear servant of Christ, Warren Sheridan, recently learned that he has advanced cancer. Warren is a life-long member of Trinity, and has been a leader in our congregation for more than fifty years.
Warren played a key role in Peter's adoption, since he served as treasurer when donations to the adoption fund poured in from across the United States. In addition, shortly before our 2008 trip to Ukraine, it was necessary to convert the monies in the fund into other payment forms(cashier's checks, wire transfers, etc.). Warren accompanied Jonathan and me to the church's bank to handle all the time-consuming paperwork.
In the years since, his caring and patient leadership has blessed our family in many ways. Wrongdoing by one of our children prompted a measured and wise response from the church council, with Warren taking a lead to ensure discipline and not punishment. As treasurer at my workplace, he has always been patient and conscientious in dealing with a multitude of requests from employees and members.
At our recent anniversary celebration, the assembled guests at the banquet spontaneously rose to their feet to give Warren a standing ovation. "Well-done, good and faithful servant!" Please keep Warren, his wife Judy, and their entire family in your prayers.
Prayer Request
Please continue to keep my father and mother in your prayers. Dad's pain is greater now, and is getting more difficult to control. May the Lord help both of them endure this difficult time with some degree of peace.
Jumping
With six kids, we have always done "family" birthday parties, and not big ones with friends. When Paul turned 18, we realized that it was our last chance to throw a big (childhood) birthday party for him. Since the oldest child's activities set the pattern for the rest, we now have a theme for everyone's 18th birthday.
So back in February 2012, we invited several of Paul's friends to join our entire family at Xtreme Trampoline, a football-field-size trampoline center with every imaginable way to bounce. It was great fun for everyone.
Last week, Paul took his girlfriend on a date to Xtreme Trampoline. They enjoyed their time immensely, and I was happy he liked it enough to go a second time. Paul told me later that jumping on the trampolines "brings out the inner kid in me!"
Changes
Not long after I wrote yesterday's post, Dad suffered a grand mal seizure so severe that his entire body raised from the bed. Afterward, he complained of pain, probably due to the extreme contraction of muscles that he as a bedridden patient no longer uses. Mom gave him medication for seizures and pain, and he slept for the rest of the day.
My sister told me that his speech was very slurred last night, and we don't know if this symptom is medication-related or a new stage. The hospice nurse is visiting today, and hopefully my mother will receive some answers to her questions.
Now More Comfortable
In the middle of last week, Dad's oxygen quit working correctly. He's very dependent on it now, because his heart is so weak. After a few hours without sufficient oxygen, he complained that waves of chest pain (angina) were wracking him. He was likely having a heart attack.
Mom, Anne, and aide Veronica figured out the problem and got him hooked up to an alternative tank of oxygen. The pain subsided, with the help of morphine and a sedative in addition to the increased oxygen.
Everyone was pretty wrung out after that night. Since then, Dad has been more comfortable. He's now sleeping about 23 hours a day.
Tutoring
At different times in the last few months, my sister and I have both talked to Dad about a shared experience from childhood. My father is trained in chemistry, physics, and mathematics, so when we children had questions about our math homework, he was the expert in the house. I still vividly remember his delight at working through the "puzzles" of our math assignments.
Today, Jonathan asked me to help Peter write a paper about the Egyptian pyramids. This afternoon, Peter and I spent time at the library, finding sources, highlighting them, and planning his paper. The whole process reminds me of my father, for I'm also delighting in working through my type of puzzle with Peter.
May the Force Be With You
Casting Call:
A young male to play 19-23 years old (though the actor must be older than 18). The role is described as “athletic, smart, handsome, independent spirited.” The character is named “Thomas.”
Yesterday, I drove Paul downtown to audition for "Thomas" in the upcoming Star Wars movie. We arrived several hours early, due to my schedule, and the line already stretched for four blocks. Paul decided that waiting that long wasn't worth it, so we turned around and drove home.
I can understand, but still think he might have gotten the part!
100th Anniversary
Yesterday, our church celebrated their centennial with a festive worship service and banquet. Congratulations to Trinity for 100 years of serving the Lord!
Singing Together Yesterday
God be with you till we meet again.
Lighter Side of the Vigil
Caring for a dying loved one holds contrasting emotions: sadness, poignancy, hope, and even humor. I'd like to tell you some of the lighter moments from the last few days.
Based on advice from the hospice staff, we're telling Dad it's ok to "let go." We praised him for providing for the family all these years, promised that now we'll take care of Mom for him, and that the family will stick together for each other. He told me today that he wants to let go, but it's just not happening and he doesn't know how. Next time I entered the room, he announced,
"I need a 'let go' teacher!"
A few days ago, during a particularly difficult stretch, Dad asked us what heaven will be like. Knowing that my father designed many of our homes, and worked with my brother's family in a home construction business, I decided to use John 14:2: "Dad, there's a mansion in heaven with many rooms, and one of those rooms is prepared just for you." Dad's response?
"Mary's just reading something from the Bible! Prove it to me!" I reminded him that no one has ever come back from heaven to tell us what it's like, so we rely on the Bible for what we know about it.
Because Dad is bedridden with occasional dementia, he forgets that he has to urinate into a Depends. Sometimes, he tells me he needs to use the bathroom, and I leave the bedroom to give him his "privacy." My brother Mark telephoned for Dad tonight, and he talked to me while waiting for the aide to change Dad. When Dad was all cleaned up, I told Mark he'd been changed and then gave Dad the phone:
Mark: "Dad, I hear you're peeing in bed! I'm jealous."
Dad: "Yeah, you're right. But it's not such a good thing."
Mark: "When I wake up in the morning, I'm so tired I wish I could just pee in bed. Instead, I have to walk all the way to the bathroom to pee!"
A Beautiful Gift
My father has had a hard day. The pain of dying, which hospice tells us affects almost everyone, heightened for him today. The discomfort can make him combative and depressed. He can't take narcotics because with his illness they cause extreme agitation, so we've been working with sedatives and Tylenol. But they can only do so much, and we're exploring other options tomorrow with the hospice nurse.
But we learned tonight that some things work as well or better than medication:
The choir at my parents' church rehearses on Thursday night, and they telephoned to sing to Dad. "Children of the Heavenly Father," all four verses, was such a beautiful gift for him. He listened carefully, and told the choir "Thank You" when they finished. As we hung up the phone, his face was relaxed and he drifted into a deep sleep. Luther Place Choir, many thanks!
Children of the heavnly Father
Safely in His bosom gather
Nestling bird nor star in Heaven
Such a refuge e'er was given
God, His own doth tend and nourish
In His holy courts they flourish
From all evil things He spares them
In His mighty arms He bears them
Neither life nor death shall ever
From the Lord, His children sever
Unto them His grace He showeth
And their sorrows all He knoweth
Though He giveth or He taketh
God His children ne'er forsaketh
His, the loving purpose solely
To preserve them, pure and holy
My Sister Anne's Facebook Post Today
Dear Friends and Family,
My Dad has entered the end stage of this very difficult journey and decline caused by dementia, fractures, heart attack, etc. over the past 14 months. Mom brought Dad home from the nursing home in July and we’ve been blessed by this time together – talking, watching games on TV together, listening to science CDs, strolling outside to see the fall colors, visits from friends/family, just being together, and even an outing to watch Ben play soccer a few weeks ago. We started hospice care in late August when Dad developed a respiratory infection. As he has done so many times before, his body fought through the infection and by mid-September he was better. We have been so grateful for the home health aides who have cared for Dad during this time in a loving and caring way.
For several months now, Dad has been completely dependent physically and unable to walk. His confusion and anxiety have steadily increased and about a week ago we noticed major declines in his cognition and functioning. Now, in the past 72 hours, he’s been sleeping almost continuously and has been unresponsive at times. Thankfully, he is in no pain. My sister, Mary, arrived Monday night from Chicago and we’ve all been taking turns being with Dad. Monday night Dad rebounded and was able to sing along as we celebrated Andrew’s birthday and then later he was awake and participated in a special worship service of Holy Communion with our Pastor (Dad specifically asked that we take this family picture so we could remember our special time together). We had a chance to share and reminisce about his life and the many gifts he has shared with his family, friends, and church communities. Again, after sleeping all day yesterday, he rebounded last night and enjoyed watching videos of the kids’ sports games and smiled and laughed with us. Now today, he is mostly sleeping with labored breathing. Singing has been our gift – at times Dad has been able to join us as we sing Holy Holy Holy, Children of Heavenly Father and his favorite, Beautiful Savior. Thank you all for your support, prayers and thoughts during this time of waiting. Anne and Family
The pictures are with Ben and Annika (September), at Ben’s soccer game (October 2013), and our Monday night worship service (Nov 4th, 2013). — with Mary Stahlke and Karen Brau.
In Virginia
Shortly after I wrote yesterday's blog post, my mother telephoned me that Dad had been unresponsive for several hours. I called United Airlines and they got me on a flight at 4:10 pm, arriving at Dulles Airport by about 7:00.
Hospice started oxygen, which has helped a lot. But his heart rate is so low that it's not measurable. We're holding his hands, listening to Taize music, and singing now and then. He knows us, and responds when asked a question. He also smiles when I enter the room.
Please pray that he continues to accept this with peace.
Update
My father became very belligerent on Friday, which I must always remember is disease and not himself. On Saturday, my mother told me he had settled down and was calmer, for which we are thankful.
Another Change
It's likely that my father suffered a stroke in the last few days. The left side of his face has been affected, and also his speech. He can no longer roll over in bed. Because he is in hospice care, we won't be receiving a firm diagnosis, which requires a hospital stay. His last few visits to the emergency room and hospital have been very hard on him and the rest of the family in Virginia, and we don't want to put any of them through that again when there's no hope for a cure.
I talked with Dad last night, and we sang "Holy, Holy, Holy" and "Beautiful Savior" together. He's too weak to sing in his bass voice, but his falsetto was wonderfully flutelike in tone. I'd never heard him sing that way before. He also knew most of the words of the hymns, and also the Lord's Prayer. Mom told me that his conversations with me, my brother, and sister gave him comfort.
