Stahlke Adoption

Who Will Watch the Kids?

That's another question that many people have asked us. While Jonathan and I are in Ukraine, who will stay with the kids? To answer that question, I'll first give a description of the adoption process in Ukraine.

After we receive our appointment date from the Ukrainian government, Jonathan and I will travel by plane to Ukraine's capital, Kiev. The day after landing, we'll attend our appointment with our facilitator, who will translate and guide us as we make decisions. Two years ago, the appointment was the time when we looked at the records of various groups of children to choose one group to meet. Now, since we are adopting a specific child, the process is not as clear to us. Very few people adopting in Ukraine have a certain child in mind, but our reason for doing so is a very strong one.

By the end of the appointment, parents sign papers and then receive a letter of permission that requests access to an orphanage to visit the child. Until you have this letter, you are not allowed to visit the child. That's why we could not see Mikola two years ago, even though we visited his orphanage and talked to the director about him.

Travel to "the region" takes place either on the same day as the appointment or on the next day, depending on the time of day the appointment is over. In our case, travel to Kilovohrad is a five-hour drive by car. Upon arrival there, we first visit the county office that supervises orphanages in that region. They give us a letter (addressed to the orphanage director), which grants us permission to see the child. Once again, the timing of the appointments with the county office and the orphanage depends on the hours that they are open to visitors.

Next comes the amazing moment when you first meet your child. It's impossible to describe, so I won't even try.

For a day or two, you spend time with the child and make the decision whether you want to adopt him. This is a very important step for the Ukrainian government, for they want to see how you bond with the child. Then you sign papers (in front of a notary) stating your intent to adopt the child. This is one of the most important legal documents in the process, which is an additional reason that we must both be there in person.

After signing, I will then fly back to the United States to be with our five children. Jonathan will stay in Kilovohrad and visit daily with Mikola as the paperwork makes its way through the local courts (probably two weeks). Then the adoption will be finalized in a court proceeding, for which I will have signed over power of attorney to Jonathan for my signatures. He will then travel back to Kiev with Mikola and take care of the paperwork required by the U.S. government. After about a week in Kiev, the two of them will fly home to be reunited with the family here.

It will be exciting and nerve-wracking for our five kids to be waiting in the States while these events are unfolding. They need an environment that is as comforting and secure as possible to help them through it. That's why I will fly back early, so they have at least one parent with them for most of the month that the trip for Jonathan will take. During the week or so that I'm gone, family members that are well-known to the children have offered to care for them. It's a real blessing to have this help, especially from people with whom the children feel so secure.

You may wonder how Jonathan and I chose which one of us would stay in Ukraine and which one would come home early. That was a long discussion, for there were pros and cons for each of us to do one or the other. We decided Jonathan should take the longer Ukrainian stint because his Ukrainian language skills are better, and he is more assertive if problems are encountered. I'm more involved at home with keeping the household functioning, which will help the children during a difficult time.

So, that's how the trip looks (in sketch form) at this time. I'm sure, however, that there will be twists and turns that we can't anticipate right now. Hopefully, they will be positive ones. To keep our peace of mind, we put it all in God's hands.

posted by Stahlkes @ 10:58 AM