Stahlke Adoption

Culture Clash

My father always took different routes to work, just to keep thirty years of driving interesting. I like to do this, too, and Chicago's grid of streets provides an endless variety of ways to get places.

Some of my children, on the other hand, are much more comfortable with the familiarity of taking the same streets EVERY time. I've been told two things--1) some kids are just born this way, and 2) adopted children crave consistency because of their past. For whatever reason, it has created some interesting situations.

About two years ago, I drove home from church with several kids in the car. We took a different route than usual in order to drop one kid off at an away baseball game. Our normal way home would have been very out of the way. One of the kids got very angry about the change and eventually refused to wear a seatbelt. I pulled the car over, since we don't drive without seatbelts, and in the ensuing discussion, the child got out of the car and wouldn't get back in. Taking a quick look around, I saw that we were near a sister Lutheran church that's in a very nice neighborhood.

"Are you sure you don't want to get into the car?" No response. "Ok, I'm going to make the drop-off at the game, and then come back for you." And off we went. It took a full thirty minutes before I could get back, but there was the child, still scowling but willing to get in the car and buckle the seatbelt. It was a mighty quiet ride home.
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The familiarity issue creeps up in other ways, as well:

Just today, I prepared birthday treats for Kola, who turns six on Sunday. Having never celebrated a birthday of his own (the orphanage marked birthdays in groups at the end of the month), he didn't understand what was taking place. Taking a bag of new and unusual things to school was more than he could handle, and he quickly started to act out. I guess I'm a mean mom to send birthday treats to school with my child!

posted by Stahlkes @ 1:48 PM