Stahlke Adoption

Pros and Cons

Being a new mother in my 40s makes me older than most mothers when their children arrive. This is a common occurrence, however, among adoptive parents, many of whom have gone through years of infertility treatments and adoption paperwork. My sister, who had her first child biologically in her late 30s, saw the label "geriatric" on her medical file. What did that make me at 44 when we adopted our kids?

As an "older mom," I am challenged by:

Needing trifocals for reading, organ-playing, and distance vision. The worst thing to read are those miniscule directions on children's medicine bottles!

Sore muscles after restraining children.

Fatigue.

Lifting a laundry basket and having my back go out.

Wanting to impress my sons by a throwing their football in a spiral, but seeing it wobble end over end instead. They don't believe me that I could do it when I was younger. Tendonitis has taken its toll.

Sometimes taking Tylenol PM to get a good night's sleep, since I'm waking up earlier and earlier the older I get.

Being asked to join with other parents to play against Bogdan's team when the other Little League team didn't show. I was pleasantly surprised with my batting and fielding, but running to base was hard. The batter's helmet started to fall off and distracted me to the point I almost fell down. If that had happened, I'm sure Bogdan would have been even more embarassed than me.

Advantages of being an "older mom":

My education is completed, and I have many years of career experience behind me. During the first few months with the kids, my church job was very good for me psychologically. It was the only place that I felt competent.

The day we adopted the children (August 18, 2005) was the exact day of our 15th wedding anniversary. A long marriage and even longer time of knowing each other (we met in 1980) has given us a foundation with each other that is helping us immensely now.

More life experience to draw on than when I was in my 20s. Older does mean wiser, and even if I can't keep up with the kids physically, I can often (but not always) outsmart them.

More years to build a support network of family and friends, who are instrumental in keeping us going. It really does take a village to raise a child. And more years has also deepend my faith in God, who has blessed me richly and guides me every day.

posted by Stahlkes @ 3:20 PM