Stahlke Adoption

Developmental Ages

When we were preparing for adoption, our social worker required that Jonathan and I be trained as if we were foster parents. These classes are normally not required for international adoption, but she wanted us to be as prepared as possible since we were adopting so many children. Foster care instruction is provided through DCFS and is free of charge. I feel strongly that these classes would benefit any parent, whether they are adoptive, foster, or biological.

Our PRIDE training (Parent Resources for Information, Development, and Education) involved forty hours of classroom instruction, and then we took Educational Advocacy classes for ten more hours. PRIDE teaches about topics such as attachment, the grieving process, discipline, safety, etc. Educational advocacy covers the educational rights of your children, especially if they are students with special needs.

One of our PRIDE classes featured a chart with a ten-year-old boy surrounded by his various developmental "ages." We heard this boy's story, and then assessed his age chronologically, academically, physically, sexually, etc. For example, a ten-year-old child who has suffered abuse or neglect might be an academic six-year-old but behave sexually like an eighteen-year-old.

If a child suffers a serious loss at a certain developmental level, they can get stuck there. For example, when children become toddlers, they normally start to separate from their mothers and develop self-confidence and self-esteem. Losing their birth mother at this age can damage their sense of independence, and they may revert to infant behavior, such as clinginess. We were taught that in such a situation, the adoptive parent should tolerate clingy behavior to assure the child that you will always be there for them. The child will eventually move past this developmental stage, but reminders of their loss may trigger even an older child to regress into infant-like clinginess. For example, falling autumn leaves may trigger regression if the child remembers such an autumn scene as they were driven away from their birth home.

In addition, almost all children that have been institutionalized show developmental delays. The longer a child has been in an orphanage, the further behind they fall. Luckily, our five children stayed in the orphanage less than a year-and-a-half, which was the minimum stay required before international adoption.

Jonathan and I have to constantly remind ourselves that at times some of our children need to be treated as if they are younger. Sometimes, a behavior or discipline issue makes a whole lot more sense when we think about it that way. PRIDE training is excellent, and as I looked back at our PRIDE book to write this blog, several topics caught my eye for a good second look.

posted by Stahlkes @ 9:37 AM