Stahlke Adoption

Competing Needs

Our three-bedroom house has a parents' bedroom, a girls' bedroom, and a boys' bedroom. That means the four boys occupy two bunkbeds in rather close quarters. Kola's rocking shakes the bed, waking up Adam, and the sound of his movements can sometimes disturb David and Paul in the other bed. Last Saturday morning, Kola was singing as well, which created quite an uproar.

I've been putting Kola to bed with the choice of singing or rocking, but not both, and he has always chosen rocking. The literature says that his rocking should gradually cease, but in six months it's remained steady. Sometimes he'll stop if I lay my hand on his shoulder or back, or rock with him, but it doesn't always work.

Jonathan and I decided that his learning curve should accelerate due to last weekends problems. He isn't the only child in our house. On Monday night, when he started rocking, I immediately stopped him. His movement transferred to his legs, which rhythmically pounded the bed until I told him to be still. He was very restless, constantly changing positions. "Mama, only five more minutes?" He was asking when I would leave so he could rock.

When it became clear that I would neither leave nor allow him any loud rhythmic motion, he became angry: "Mama, you're not nice anymore! I don't like you!" He started pounding his head with his fist, in rhythm, of course. When I stopped him, he became even more angry. "Paul, Adam, and David are not here! Why can't I rock?"

A six-year-old doesn't understand the concept of learning something for another time(i.e., later in the night or the next morning). Way over an hour had passed since he had gone to bed. I tried to think of something to tell him. "Kola, why don't you try sucking your thumb?"

Success! My exhausted child fell asleep within minutes. I felt better that something could soothe him.

The next day, I asked our dentist at what age children should stop thumbsucking. She told me that after three years of age, thumb sucking can lead to future orthodontic bills.

Now it's the parent who's unable to forego short-term gratification (peace in the house) for a long-term need (avoiding large future bills).

posted by Stahlkes @ 11:33 AM