Stahlke Adoption

Be Careful What You Ask For

When the children first came, we had plenty of donated clothing for them, but getting it organized in dressers was a long way down the list of priorities. We had more pressing matters to manage, like getting them baptized, helping them start school, obtaining medical and dental care, etc., etc.

So for a long time, I kept piles of clothing on the basement laundry table. Each child had two stacks of clothing--shirts/pants, and underwear/pajamas/socks. Every larger item was marked with their initial on the tag--R, B, L, O, M, and eventually K. At first, the initials were for me, to keep track of whose clothing was whose. I learned quickly, however, that the initials also stop arguments between the children.

For a long time, the children's rooms were black holes, swallowing every item of clothing that entered them. Therefore, having all the clothes in the basement meant that in the rush of a school morning, as we were learning how to manage as new parents, I wouldn't be scrambling for socks.

But the piles and piles of clothes in the basement were not a permanent solution, so as the initial emergencies of child-rearing receded, we've gradually worked into buying a dresser for each child and teaching them to carry their clothes from the basement to their rooms. A couple of kids really fought me on that one, because the basement was more convenient to the bathroom. I remember one day in the basement when a child refused to carry their clothes upstairs. I threw their pile of shirts and pants at them, and they refused to catch it. We stood there in silence, with the clothes strewn all over the floor. I blocked the only exit until all the clothes were picked up and carried upstairs. It was an intense but quiet standoff, but I'm a patient person and knew I could outwait any of them. After ten or fifteen long minutes of silence, suddenly I heard "OK, I'll do it this time, but not again!"

Getting the clothes into the dresser drawers in a folded state took a lot longer, especially since it had been such a challenge to get the basement folding table clear. But now part of their "clothes" chore includes me checking the drawers to be sure everything is folded and that the drawers close easily. Numerous people have been generous to give us clothing, and we have far more of many items than we can use. So when a child's drawer doesn't open and close properly, I require them to pick out clothing for "the church store," which is usually Goodwill or a thrift store for the local Lutheran high school. (In the early months, the term "church store" was possible with my limited Ukrainian vocabulary, while "thrift store" and "second-hand shop" were way out of reach.)

Choosing clothes to give away is very hard for children whose past includes living without sufficient clothing. And then when they got to the orphanage, they had communal clothing. Once a week, the clothes were washed and then placed in a bin. Whoever chose their outfit first got to wear those clothing all week. Shortly after we met the children, Olena was wearing a cute matching set with a purple T-shirt and shorts. The next week, Misha was wearing the same outfit, since he had beat her to the bin. Check out the photo in the _Lutheran Witness_ article, and you'll see him wearing the purple outfit that was so popular.

The day we all left the orphanage, the children changed into the clothes we had bought them. From their orphanage clothes, they kept only their underwear. I initially thought it was sad that they couldn't keep their clothes when they left the orphanage. But it became very clear that they didn't feel ownership of the orphanage clothes, and instead were very, very proud of the new clothing that was their very own. Even at that early stage, I had already marked R, B, L, O, or M on the labels.

So . . . clothing has been a big issue, and they are now pretty happy to have full dresser drawers of stuff to wear. And over time they've even folded the clothing most of the time. Imagine, however, my shock to find one overzealous child who put all of his clothing in the dresser--
including a wet bathing suit!!

posted by Stahlkes @ 7:13 PM