Stahlke Adoption

Adoption Myth

Before the kids came, we lined up a few Ukrainian speakers who were willing to translate for us by telephone. But after the kids arrived in the U.S., we didn't need translation help. After six months of meeting with a tutor, as well as six-plus weeks in Ukraine, our language skills were sufficient to communicate with the children.

But many people, myself included, assumed that if the kids could meet people here who speak Ukrainian or Russian, they would feel better psychologically. Surely the children would enjoy speaking with someone in their native tongue, with whom they could freely converse. And it would be even better if they could also discuss topics related to Ukrainian culture and places.

I learned quickly that Ukrainian and Russian speakers are usually viewed by our children as more threatening than "warm and fuzzy." If we adults can put aside our own opinion, and view this issue from the children's perspective, their fear makes perfect sense.

Our children lost their parents, relatives, friends, home, school, neighborhood, clothes, toys, etc., etc., etc. (not once, but twice, since they left the village first, and then the orphanage). They assume, even if only subconsciously, that it could happen again. Now, in a new home, with new parents they've only know for a short while, someone approaches them and speaks the language of the country that they've lost. They assume that person must be a social worker who will send them back to Ukraine. They think, "It's happened before, so why wouldn't it happen again?"

Our two older boys refused to attend Ukrainian school when they first arrived. Five months later, as the second semester started, Jonathan and I told them that they were required to go. Their resistance was very, very strong. They finally told us why they refused to attend the school--we must want them to keep up their Ukrainian so we could send them back to Ukraine.

Jonathan and I immediately assured them they didn't have to attend Ukrainian school.

posted by Stahlkes @ 6:33 PM