From Rachel's Research for a School Project
CourageCourage is the price which life exacts
for granting peace.
The soul that knows it not, knows no
release
From little things;
Knows not the livid loneliness of fear
Nor mountain heights, where bitter
joy you can hear
The sound of wings.
How can life grant us boon of living,
compensate,
For dull gray ugliness and pregnant
hate
Unless we dare
The soul's dominion? Each time we
make a choice we pay
With courage to behold resistless day
And count it fair.
- Amelia Earhart
Regressive Behavior
We've often been told that children (and adults, for that matter) revert to old behaviors at times of change. Well, if Jonathan and I look back at the children's behavioral problems from a year ago, that's exactly where we're at this week.
I'm readjusting the time frame for my travel preparation to include an extra hour a day for discipline and preventive discipline. Just holding a child on your lap can ward off a meltdown.
More on Russia and Ukraine
On Tuesday, Russia recognized the independence of the two regions in Georgia where fighting has occurred recently. The _Chicago Trib_ had only one story about it today, which was buried on about page 11, although the headline was telling: "The Kremlin Ups the Ante." There is better coverage in the _Kyiv Post_ about current political tensions between Ukraine and Russia. See today's article:
kyivpost.com/top/29492/
The First (Full) Day of School
ahh . . .
The First Day of School
When I started my first day of school, many years ago, we attended class for the entire day. Current practice, however, calls for a short day instead. David and Sarah met their teachers at Garfield for one hour this morning, and Rachel, Adam, and Paul went to Grace for three hours. Tomorrow is the first full day of school, when I can return to my own jobs of housekeeping, adoption, and church work.
Despite the difficulties for Jonathan and me to be in Ukraine during the fall rather than the summer, I feel good that the children will have the structure of school to help them while we are gone. Last night, Rachel pored over the sixth grade schedule obtained at a Grace parents' meeting. Despite her excitement and fear of starting school in a new place, the concreteness of the schedule seemed to ease her apprehensions.
This morning, to celebrate the new school year, I prepared Guatemalan hot chocolate to accompany our breakfast. We had received this treat from a friend who recently traveled to Guatemala on a mission trip. She knew that Jonathan lived there until fourth grade, and that he would especially enjoy such a souvenir. The chocolate is flavored with unusual spices, and as we drank it, Jonathan and I smiled at each other across the table. We had enjoyed similar hot chocolate during our honeymoon in Oaxaca, Mexico.
The Last Day of Summer
Jonathan started classes at Concordia today, but the children don't begin school until tomorrow. That means I'm keeping all five kids most of the day by myself, and therefore not doing much adoption prep today.
By taking the children to the library, where they play on the computers, I can do a little work myself. As always, I check the website of the Kyiv Post, which is the primary English-language newspaper in Ukraine. An article there sums up the press I've seen concerning Russia's invasion of Georgia and the implications for Ukraine:
kyivpost.com/top/29470/
Airline Tickets
Because we learned our appointment date last Thursday, we could still obtain 14-day advance plane tickets by midnight Friday. We telephoned our travel agent, an adoption specialist in Florida, who found tickets for us on Lufthansa.
Adoption fares are similar to bereavement fares. You can obtain them on short notice, and return dates are easily changeable or open-ended. Because of the 14-day advance, however, it was cheaper for us to buy regular tickets and pay change fees than to obtain an adoption fare. The price of our flight is excellent--$968 round-trip per person from Chicago to Kyiv via Duesseldorf going and Munich returning. We will buy Mikola's ticket later, since it's not possible to purchase a ticket without knowing the person's name, and we haven't given Mikola his English name yet. (That's another blog post!)
It was not possible to use my friend's frequent flyer miles, since seats of that type were not available on the dates we need to travel. I will be sending her our flight itinerary, however, because she wants to telephone the airline, tell them our story, and see if they will retroactively let us use her miles. But if that doesn't work, the adoption fund at our church will cover the cost of the tickets. The donations that so many people have made are a HUGE help to us.
The Letter Explained
The SDA letter that arrived two days ago gave us quite a scare. The Concordia librarian's initial translation seemed to reveal that the 2008 quota of adoptions from the U.S. had already been filled. We know that special-needs adoptions are not included in the quota, and as a member of a sibling group, Mikola's case fits within those exceptions. As far as we know, however, he is healthy, and we were apprehensive of a misunderstanding in his legal situation.
Jonathan and the Concordia librarian telephoned Masha yesterday morning to read her the SDA letter. The call did not go through, despite repeated attempts. The librarian persuaded my computer-averse husband to scan the letter and send it to Masha as an Email attachment. This process took awhile, and then the two of them tried to call Masha one more time. She answered!
She had a different take on the letter. She explained that it was a response to a request we had sent to the SDA last February. We had asked that our letter be placed in Mikola's file, so that if any action took place on his case, it would be clear that we had his siblings and wanted to adopt him. Yesterday's letter from the SDA told us that they could not place our letter in his file until we had registered with them. Since our registration occurred on June 24, the recent letter was moot. Whew! What a relief.
Masha then asked if we had received her Email. Jonathan said no, since he had spent the morning trying to contact her. She told him that our appointment date is Tuesday, September 9. Yeah!!!!!!!!!
For the next two hours, Jonathan and I tied up two telephones making calls to family members, employers, colleagues who will cover our jobs, and our travel agent. It is recommended that we arrive in Kyiv on Monday, September 8, which means departing on Sunday, September 7. The travel agent has already given us some options, and we hope to make a decision sometime today.
After our initial telephone calls yesterday, it was time to celebrate with the children. We went out for lunch to their favorite restaurant--Subway!
Philippians 4 Revisited: 8/9/07 and 8/22/08
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Appointment Date
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
State Department for Adoptions
and Protection of Rights of the Child [SDA]
14 Desyatynna Street
Kyiv, Ukraine
A Letter Arrives
Our postman delivered a letter today from the SDA. Jonathan and I opened the envelope to a sea of Cyrillic. We pieced together some of the contents with our limited Ukrainian. Not knowing the exact meaning, we didn't want the children to translate it for us.
The letter, dated May 23 but postmarked in August, is addressed to both of us. There is no other date in the content of the letter. Mikola's full name and birthdate are mentioned, and the signature, a set of initials, appears next to the typed name and title of the SDA director.
We assume that this letter officially acknowledges the receipt of our dossier. To be sure, however, Jonathan immediately scheduled an appointment with the head librarian at Concordia, who is a Ukrainian women from Kharkiv. Because her home city lies in eastern Ukraine, she speaks Russian rather than Ukrainian, but she was still able to give us the gist of the letter. To be sure of the meaning, however, she took it home for her husband to translate tonight. She feels that his Ukrainian is better than hers. Jonathan will meet with her tomorrow morning, and together they will telephone Masha. While Jonathan is capable of reading the letter to Masha, the librarian will do a much better job as a native speaker.
This letter is our first official correspondence from the SDA. Receiving such a document, holding it in our own hands, and seeing the Ukrainian language, makes the whole thing seem more real. We wait to hear the exact message that the letter contains.
The Appointment is Set, But Unknown
Jonathan telephoned Masha this morning, who told him that she had spoken yesterday with the SDA staff member in charge of scheduling. The woman told her the good news--she had signed off on our paperwork and appointment date and forwarded everything to the SDA director.
Masha asked the staff member for our appointment date, but due to the large volume of paperwork that passes through her office, the woman could not remember the details of our case. She told Masha that the final paperwork and invitation would be available for pickup next week.
Since we signed over power of attorney to Masha, she will make the five-hour trip to Kyiv next Monday and collect the documents for us. When we know the date, we will immediately purchase our airline tickets. A good friend has offered us enough frequent flyer miles for all three airline tickets. The issue, however, is that for any given flight, only a few seats are reserved for such redemption of miles. So . . . we will telephone Masha again next Monday, in hopes of hearing the date and booking our tickets.
The really good news from this morning's telephone call is that our dossier is in good order and has been approved.
Anniversaries
Monday is our third adoption anniversary and our eighteenth wedding anniversary. We will celebrate with the children tomorrow, but Jonathan and I marked our wedding anniversary with our first night sans kids since the adoption three years ago.
Paul, Adam, and Rachel left Friday afternoon for the annual confirmation retreat. As a staff member at church, I usually attend as well, but was excused this year due to our imminent adoption trip. With three children gone for the weekend, Jonathan and I took up an offer from a friend to treat Sarah and David to an overnight stay.
After a frenetic Friday afternoon corralling five manic children, we dropped off the last of them and headed to nearby Oakbrook Mall. After decompressing among the flowers, we attended a local dinner theater, enjoying a 1930s-era musical (The Boys from Syracuse) with some incredible dance scenes.
Of course, most of our dinner conversation centered on the children!
Still Waiting
Jonathan telephones Masha almost daily now. Luckily we found a good international calling card, so the cost is not too great.
Yesterday, Masha tried two to three times per hour to reach the SDA by telephone. The woman there in charge of scheduling never answered, and Masha didn't choose to talk with anyone else, since this woman already knows our case well. Perhaps this staff member was away for the day on business or vacation.
Now it's the weekend, and Masha must wait until Monday to continue seeking our appointment date. She told us that the SDA staff member has office hours on Wednesday, and if we don't have an appointment date by then, Masha will travel to Kyiv to meet with her in person.
Psalm 30:11-12
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
That my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!
Info from Masha
Jonathan talked by telephone with Masha today. She's been doing a lot of work on our case, and news from the SDA of our travel date is getting closer. They may give her a travel date by tomorrow or the next day.
No Travel Date Yet
Masha thought she might know our travel date by today. Jonathan attempted several times this morning to telephone her, but the calls did not go through. We suspect that there's a breakdown in the telephone system somewhere between here and Ukraine. He sent her an Email, and he's checking his messages throughout the day to see if she's written a response.
A comment to my August 8 posting asked what Mikola knows about the upcoming adoption. The government in Ukraine, and Ukrainian society in general, places a high value on an individual's privacy. Until we meet with SDA officials at our appointment in Kyiv, at which time we receive permission to visit Mikola, we have no legal access to information about him. So . . . we don't know what he's been told. We also have no photos or description of him, either. The legally-obtained information that we possess includes his name, birthdate, comments about him from our children, and general data on the family from our children's paperwork. We know that Mikola resides in the baby orphanage in Kirovohrad because that institution is the orphanage for children his age in the state of Kirovohrad.
Our postal carrier asked today if the fighting in Georgia would affect our trip. While events there are important for Ukrainian politics, the country of Ukraine is quite a distance from Georgia and not directly affected by the fighting there.
Postscript to "News from Ukraine"
Masha said yesterday that she hoped to know our appointment date by Wednesday next week.
News from Ukraine
We telephoned Masha this morning, and her complicated answer was overall positive.
The SDA wants us there in mid-September, for sure, but still with no exact appointment date determined. We figure that means the week of September 8 or 15. If we want to request an earlier appointment date, we can. Masha estimates that an earlier date could be the week of August 25 or September 1.
So . . . the possibilities have narrowed to a four-week window.
Jonathan and I decided to request an earlier date even while we were still on the telephone with Masha. Our reasons:
- Kola could start kindergarten in the U.S. sooner to the beginning of the school year, easing his adjustment into school. We asked Masha to give this information to the SDA, since children Kola's age do not attend school in Ukraine.
- The baby orphanage where Kola lives is intended for children younger than him. We think the director has delayed his promotion to the next level to avoid a double adjustment for him (i.e, a move and then adoption). It is probable, however, that she would like to move him on as soon as possible.
- Masha herself has a school-age child who begins classes around September 1. The more work she can do in August, the less school time she is away from home.
- The sooner Jonathan and I leave, the sooner we return, and fall is a busy time for Jonathan's teaching and my church work.
- After hearing the news today, one of our younger children fell apart, alternating between angry outbursts and tears. Our children have wanted Kola here as soon as possible for several years now.
Pushing the Envelope
Grandma Stahlke cracks me up! She may walk slowly from the lingering effects of a long-ago car accident, but her appearance belies her wit and verve.
We told her that one of our teenage boys wants to dye his hair. She sounded a little shocked at the possible colors--pink or green. Jonathan expressed concern that such a change might cause our son to hole up at home and avoid going out, especially to school.
Grandma responded that our teenager should do a trial run first. One armpit could sport green hair and the other pink!
Birthdays
David is nine years old today. My little boy is growing up.
We first met him as a five-year-old, with a smile of gold. Three days later, he turned six, and we celebrated the first of our children's birthdays.
Jonathan and I chose one of the small stuffed bears that we had brought from the U.S. and took it to a gift shop in Kirovohrad to be wrapped. The clerk took a very long time, using lots of colored paper and a multitude of gauzy ribbons. The bow dwarfed the box in size!
When we unveiled the present for David, he grinned from ear to ear. And he keeps that stuffed bear as one of his prized possessions to this very day.
The children told us later that all August birthdays were celebrated communally at the end of the month. That meant that our gift was the only remembrance on his actual birthday. I'm thankful we met David in time to do that for him.
At bedtime, I sang "Happy Birthday" to David. And as his second song for a special day, I sang "Happy Birthday" again, but this time to Misha.
Long Faces
When Jonathan and I prepared to telephone Ukraine yesterday, we arranged for some uninterrupted time to make the call. Two kind volunteers watched the children swim at a nearby pool, with the added benefit of releasing some of their pent-up energy.
The background noise on Masha's cell phone filled the receiver, and she explained to us that she was riding the train from Kyiv to her home in Kramatorsk. She outlined for us the specific reasons for the delay, which are only procedural and not related to the substance of our dossier. Masha still feels we may travel in August, although next week is not likely.
After the call, Jonathan walked to the pool while I collected my thoughts and wrote down possible scenarios related to different travel dates. We are juggling child care, his job, my job, and the start of school, as well as the schedules of several relatives who will care for the children while we are gone. It's pretty complicated.
But the details of the trip evaporated from my mind as Jonathan walked up with the children. Every last one of them looked upset and sad. After bracing themselves to hear the news, they had received no news except--
DELAY.
More Delay
The appointment date was not available today. Masha hopes to know by Friday. It is not a serious delay - someone at SDA is on vacation and, therefore, the paperwork could not be completed today.
Last Week--An Eternity Ago
David's Song
Row, row, row your boat
A line of canoes stretches down the river. Each of us takes paddle in hand and slides it into the water.
Gently down the stream
Not always so gently! Within a few hundred feet of embarking, Paul and Adam managed to catch their canoe between a boulder and a tree. It filled with water and sank. Even though the river was shallow, the force of the current made the canoe too heavy to lift. The boys walked back to our starting point and secured another canoe for the day. We're still waiting for the outfitting company to tell us the damages. They can't recover the canoe until the crest of the river has passed, maybe in a couple of weeks. Even a motor boat couldn't pull the canoe out of the water.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Despite the rough start, we all had a great time. There's something about being on the water, alternatively exerting oneself and gazing around at a beautiful day.
Life is but a dream
The kind of dream that could go on forever . . .
Child's Play
The younger children love to play make-believe. A few days ago, I endured an extensive "surgery" on my ankle, with expert care from Dr. Rachel and Nurse Sarah. They especially delighted in giving me macaroni pills for pain, but after ten pieces of very crunchy pasta, I cried uncle.
That same day they also played orphanage for the first time. Sarah stood in as the orphanage director, while Rachel worked as caregiver. They assured us they would treat the children kindly, and by the time it was over, Rachel had adopted one of her young charges.
The Floodgates Open! (Part II)
In last Wednesday's conversation with Masha, we received a boatload of information on more than one topic. Jonathan jotted down a potential timeline for our Ukrainian stay, which has a number of changes from our trip three years ago:
Day 1: Travel to Ukraine's capital, KyivDay 2: Registration with the SDA, followed by travel to the region to meet the childThe appointment day is the time that most parents look through children's paperwork and decide who to meet. We, of course, will see Mikola's one-page document and receive a letter of referral to allow us to visit him.
Our trip to Kirovohrad, the capital of Kirovohrad province, takes about five hours by car. I believe that Masha must first submit our SDA referral letter to the "DCFS" of Kirovohrad province. They issue a letter permitting us to visit Mikola, and then we drive across town to the orphanage and meet him for the first time.
Day 3: Submission of intent to adoptWe sign the formal paperwork indicating our intent to adopt Mikola. At this time, he receives his English name, and it's very important that we spell it correctly. Like our other children, Mikola will retain his Ukrainian name as a middle name. We will most likely call him Mikola while we are in Ukraine and later in our home, but will use his English name in public as our other children have elected to do.
10 days: Wait and visit
During a ten-day period, Mikola's paperwork churns through the Ukrainian legal system. During this time, we will probably spend two sessions a day with him. Three years ago, Jonathan and I arrived at the orphanage around 10:00 am and stayed until lunch time. We returned about 2:30 pm and left around 4:00. Most of our visits with the children took place on the orphanage grounds, weather permitting.
In these ten days, we bring fruit and small toys for him each day, and buy new clothes and shoes since we finally know what sizes to choose.
Day 13: Our day in court
During our court hearing, the judge presents his/her decision based on a review of Mikola's paperwork. After the court date, it is legally possible for us to travel back to the U.S. to help care for our other five children, although we are definitely planning that at least one of us will stay in Ukraine.
10 days: Waiting for the rare appealWe continue to visit Kola at the orphanage during a ten-day waiting period. This is a new requirement compared to three years ago, when the judge could request a 30-day waiting period, but in most cases agreed to waive it. Now the waiting period is shorter but mandatory. During these ten days, third parties can appeal the adoption. In the rare case that an appeal is filed, an additional twenty days is added for further legal action.
Assuming there is no appeal, our parental rights and legal responsibility for Mikola take effect ten days after the judge's affirmative decision at the court hearing. We will celebrate every year on this date because that's when he legally joined our family.
Day 23: Travel to KyivAfter more than three weeks, we leave Kirovohrad and return to Kyiv. Masha finds us an apartment to use as our home base while we begin our paperwork for the U.S. embassy.
Approximately four to six days: U.S. paperwork
Mikola will receive a medical examination, and this report must be submitted to the U.S. Embassy along with his vaccination records. We will also submit a multitude of other documents, all enumerated on the Embassy's website. The visa that we just sent to Masha is actually only the first stage of Mikola's visa application, but it eliminates a great deal of processing time. Before the final clearance, the parents and child meet in person with an embassy official to discuss the adoption process and how it all went.
Day 27 to 29: Travel to the U.S.
Mikola flies to the U.S., and when the plane's wheels touch the ground, he becomes a U.S. citizen. He is also reunited with the brothers and sisters who are waiting anxiously to see him again.
