Beginnings
July 22, 2010
A hot, muggy afternoon in ChicagoJonathan and I are desperately packing the last suitcases for our annual road trip to Texas. To keep the little boys busy, I send them each outside with a packet of flower seeds. When we return to Chicago three weeks later, Kola's marigold plants are already reaching toward the sun.
October 29, 2010
A crisp, cold morning in ChicagoLast night brought our first solid freeze, which for me marks the end of the growing season and the onset of winter. Most of Peter's marigolds managed to survive, due to their placement in a barrel close to the house. This morning, to offset sibling rivalry and a possible tantrum, I sent him outside to pick the last of the marigolds. "Kola, why don't you give them to Karol Sue, who had surgery yesterday?"
He liked that idea and grabbed the styrofoam cup on the dining room table, which contained a prior batch of flowers. After emptying the "dirty" water into the sink, he added fresh flowers from outside, and placed the whole bouquet into a plastic grocery bag. Swinging them along with his backpack, he carried the flowers to school, where he gave them to me for delivery.
I bet Karol Sue will view this gift as the most beautiful bouquet of battered flowers she's ever seen.
Kaleidoscope Day
MorningAt the hospital with a good friend having surgery
AfternoonOur bi-yearly professional photo shoot, this time in the woods, to get a family portrait. Included are the machinations from last weekend until today to raise and lower excitement in various children.
EveningChoir and handbell rehearsals at church in preparation for Reformation and All Saints Sunday
Answering a Question
On October 15, one of my cousins posted the following comment:
I'm curious...does the school also test [Kola's] ability to read and write in Ukrainian? Or did he not get much of a chance to learn to do that in his native tongue? I have a friend who developed her doctoral dissertation on teaching young (6-12 yrs old)ESL learners how to master their own native tongue, before teaching them English. She worked with mostly Russian and Serbian students. I find it quite fascinating. But maybe, in Kola's case, it's a mute point. Just thinking...and so appreciate your sharing the news with us.
Love ya,
Your Colorado Cuz
________________________________________
Here are some observations from the Stahlke experience:
Our older five children spoke Ukrainian at home for about ten months after arriving in August 2005. I made the switch to English at Christmastime, while Jonathan hung on until about May 2006. The children spoke English outside our home, and finally spoke English even with each other by summer 2006.
Kola's experience was more typical of most children adopted from foreign countries. While his siblings were capable of using Ukrainian with him, most of them chose to speak only English. In addition, the ones who did speak Ukrainian used it only with Kola. He therefore learned English by immersion at home, school, and church. Within one year, we think he had lost most of his ability to speak Ukrainian.
Like many other immigrants, our children wanted to learn English as quickly as possible. Speaking Ukrainian made them feel different than their peers. Ukrainian also reminds them of difficult experiences in their past, and some of the kids are very opposed to speaking it.
The educational system, however, won't provide testing in English until the child has been in the U.S. for two years. When we wanted to develop an IEP (Individual Educational Plan) for one of the kids, the required tests were only available to us in Ukrainian. Our children refused to take the tests unless they were in English.
So . . . at the two-year mark, we could finally move ahead with testing for an IEP. Then we learned that the schools only test for educational issues. ADD and ADHD are not included. (For those who need translation of the alphabet soup, ADD=Attention Deficit Disorder and ADHD=Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder). That's one of the reasons we had David and Peter tested through our health plan rather than the schools. The results of the testing do recommend an IEP, however, because of implications for their education.
So, Cuz, to answer your question--
Our kids either can't or won't do testing in Ukrainian. The situation is quite different when an entire family immigrates and the parents continue the foreign language in the home.
Improvement
Kola's rages are not as frequent now as two or three weeks ago. And it's more often that he starts building to one but brings himself under control somehow. I feel like I'm moving from emergency mode to allowing myself to relax a bit. The loss of adrenaline, however, means a weariness settles in. It helps a lot to go to work, and read Scripture and hymn texts. Keeps me going.
Another Viewpoint
A good friend heard about my lost keys, and her interpretation was "cognitive overload," a common mother's ailment.
One can also view it as "cognitive underload":
Yesterday, David and Kola visited the ophthamologist to get their eyes tested. (A previous optometrist appointment had yielded inconclusive results, so we were moving to the next stage of evaluation.) After the boys' received medicine to dilate their eyes, we waited a long time for the doctor to arrive.
Kola exhibited several symptoms of anxiety in this new situation--rocking, thumb-sucking, hyperactivity, and a need to touch everything in sight. Luckily, David was calm! I've noticed in the past that singing and steady rhythms calm Kola, so I tried "Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall."
It worked for Kola, but what about me? The doctor finally entered the room--on the 44th bottle!
Senior Moment
Last night, our family cooked supper for the youth at church. We made 160 hot dogs with attendant side dishes and drinks. Adam did the lion's share of the preparation, and did a great job of it.
Another mom prepared dessert as I was cleaning up the kitchen. In the midst of everything, I realized that my house keys were missing. Even after looking everywhere I couldn't find them.
A phone call later in the evening solved the mystery. They were in the purse that belonged to the other mom! And guess who put them there? Me! Her purse had the same pattern of pockets as mine, and was the same color.
I guess I really should fill out that AARP application that came recently. My 50th birthday is fast approaching.
Slow But Sure
Let us run with ENDURANCE the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross.
- Hebrews 12:1b-2a
Testing
At the time that Kola was undergoing psychological testing last spring, he also took an English language proficiency test at school. The latter instrument is designed for ESL students (English as a Second Language) to measure their acquisition of English.
Kola was rated on five aspects of language acquisition:
Listening
Speaking
Reading
Writing
Comprehension (Listening and Reading)
He scored completely normal in speaking ability, and it's true that few people who meet him realize that he spoke only Ukrainian just two years ago. He scored high in his listening abilities, having reached grade level in listening both to social and academic language. Reading and writing scores were much lower, which is not uncommon for ESL students.
So when the psychological testing mentions problems with reading and writing, it's difficult at this time to determine how much of the issue is ESL versus his innate learning style. That's one of the things that I'm trying to sort out from the documents we received this week.
Detailed Report
Jonathan and I met today with the doctoral student and her adviser to receive the report of David and Kola's psychological testing. The reports were very professionally prepared and give a great deal of information about the two boys. Much of it correlated with our own observations, with the addition of explanations about the "why" of what we've seen. It's going to take me several days to digest it all.
Waiting Almost Over
Last spring, Jonathan and I traveled multiple times to South Chicago so that David and Peter could receive psychological testing. The report has been ready since mid-August, but we've had a difficult time scheduling the follow-up visit. The woman who did the actual testing is a graduating doctoral student, and we will meet tomorrow with her and her doctoral supervisor. Jiving schedules between two professors, a music director, and a graduate student has been challenging.
I am so glad that we will potentially be getting some answers tomorrow.
Things Are Getting Better
Peter's rages peaked on the weekend that Jonathan traveled to California to give a paper. It behooves us to remember how frightened a child can become at the absence of a parent.
I wrote one post in the meantime and decided not to post it. This one is more positive:After our 200-year-old oak tree was felled, I collected a few acorns and planted them. This morning, an impossibly-slender shoot had emerged. From a mighty adult springs forth a delicate child. From almighty God comes all that is created, even we humble beings.
Imitation
One of the kids had to sleep on the floor last night, in the hallway between the bedrooms on the second floor. (As for the reason, that's a story for another time.) Due to apprehension about Friday's activities, this child had a nightmare and wet the bedding. We usually block the second-floor stairs with a gate, but in the hubbub of our morning, someone forgot to replace the gate as they came downstairs. Kentucky, our one-year-old dachshund puppy, weaseled his way upstairs and found the soiled bedding. He promptly picked a nearby spot and did his business, as well. Nothing like the smell of urine!
