Wonderful News!
This is Anne, Mary’s sister, sharing a message from Mary and Jonathan.
On Thursday, August 18th, the adoption became final! Everyone is overjoyed! After having the parties at the orphanage and sharing thank you gifts with the orphanage, Mary, Jonathan, and the kids drove to Kiev late Thursday night. The children had their necessary medical exams on Friday. The family spent the weekend at an apartment in Kiev, sightseeing and shopping for tennis shoes for all the kids.
On Monday, they hope to obtain their visas from the U.S. embassy. If they are successful getting the visas, they will travel home to Chicago on Tuesday (assuming there are seats available on the plane.) If the Tuesday flight is full, they will fly home on Wednesday. Mary and Jonathan asked me to tell everyone that they are incredibly happy, and to send their thanks and love to everyone for your prayers and support. They also asked me to share that the Baptismal service will be at St. John’s church in Chicago on Saturday, August 27th, at 6:00pm.
One More Document
What a day! We picked up the three oldest children at the orphanage around 8:30 am, and they put on some of the new formal clothes that we've bought for them. We were dressed up, too, and when the orphanage director saw us later she expressed surprise--she's only seen all of us in our "play clothes" on the orphanage grounds (or in Jonathan's underwear at the Black Sea).
We were taken to a courtroom not far from our apartment building, and waited about 30 minutes for the judge to arrive. Besides us and the children, the others in attendance (all female) were our translator Masha, the orphanage director (representing all five children), the inspector from the county guardianship office, the lawyer that we hired last week, and the court clerk. The courtroom itself was otherwise empty of people, but had lots of furniture--three big leather chairs behind the front desk, a podium for the person speaking, tables near the front desk for the lawyer and clerk, benches way back in the room for the rest of us, and a cage to the left for criminals.
The proceedings were all conducted in Ukrainian, which is required since independence from the Soviet Union in 1991. Masha usually translates into Russian for us, which everyone here understands, and she requested Russian but the judge insisted on Ukrainian. At least we understood more that way! Whenever it was our turn to speak, we had to stand for the judge. He is about our age, and asked lots of questions. Besides confirming the basics (name, date and place of birth, occupation, salary), we had to answer questions about our decision to adopt, the contact we've had with the children, and (of course) why we want to adopt five. He also asked about the first group that we had considered, and Jonathan asked that the children be taken outside the room during that part of the discussion. The orphanage director was very kind to watch them in the outside hall during that time.
We had been told the whole process would last thirty or forty minutes, but two hours later we were still answering questions. The main issue was that in our original home study, we had requested children with ages from one to eight years old. Because three of our sibling group are over eight, the judge was concerned that the U.S. immigration service would not admit them to the country or recognize the adoption. We told him that the age request had been our ideal before coming, but was not legally binding in the U.S. We had originally chosen the age range 1-8 since younger children are often better at making the adjustment to a new country. But when we saw the photos and information about our sibling group, we were very interested in them, despite their slightly older age. And we feel that they will adjust well, due to their temperaments, good health, and togetherness as a sibling group, even though we're aware that they will face the challenges that any children adopted internationally must tackle.
The judge requested a letter from the U.S. Embassy in Kyiv, stating that the ages of the children would not be a barrier to their immigration. We adjourned at around noon, took the children back to the orphanage, and telephoned the U.S. Embassy. They prepared the letter, found the Consul General to sign it, and faxed it to our lawyer around 5 pm. So, we will appear before the judge again tomorrow, letter in hand, to continue with our court appointment. The three children will be back in their formal clothes, and will finally get their turn to stand before the judge and tell him that they want to be adopted by us. They will have to use our full names, which is why we haven't corrected them during the past two weeks if they called us Mary and Jonathan rather than Mama and Papa. We heard of one family that had to wait a week for a new court date because the children didn't know the names of their parents.
Assuming all goes well tomorrow, the judge will declare the adoption final, and Ruslan, Bogdan, Luda, Lena, and Misha will be our children. What a wonderful gift on the day of our 15th anniversary!
Awaiting the court appointment
Greetings!
Once again you're stuck with Jonathan writing. Mary is again doing family business, school registration, doctor appointments, downloading some photos off of the digital camera we brought with, and other unknowables.
This evening, almost as a sideline, we asked Masha by phone (she's taking the 11 p.m. train from Kiev tonight and arriving at 3 a.m.), when we could make reservations to return to the U.S. This way, we (and everyone else) could know when we resume life in Chicago. She said, if everything goes well, there's a slight chance we'll fly out on Saturday, August 20! Never mind that we have reservations for next Friday, August 26. This makes me crazy! It's almost impossible to know anything from one minute to the next. But, it IS true that earlier is better for us. Cheaper to not pay for an extra week of apartment rent in Kiev; easier to be adjusting to family life in our own home; and maybe just a little bit more on our own schedule, for the first time in ages.
So, the return trip (leave here and arrive there on the same day) is most certainly to be between Saturday, August 20, and Friday, August 26. That at least narrows it down for the better. With Concordia starting up soon, and the kids' Forest Park school starting on August 31, we are anxious to establish what "they" call "the routine."
We haven't given many vital statistics about the children, nor about how they came to be eligilble for adoption. Out of respect for their privacy and to somewhat contain the sadness of their recent background, we will limit our comments. Nevertheless, some form of story has to be told, and it's all information they will eventually learn to live with.
You will remember that there are six children in the family, and that only the oldest five are currently available for adoption. They all have the same biological parents, who were in a common-law marriage for a long time. So, according to Ukrainian law, the father has no claim on the first five. The parents were officially married before the birth of the sixth child, so he is covered by a different set of laws, which include additional time for their father to prove himself (or claim the youngest child) before losing his rights. Their mother lost her rights to the children through a sad set of circumstances that left them alone for an extended period of time. Several attempts were evidently made to rescue the family structure, but they failed fairly quickly and very conclusively.
According to Ukrainian law, the children had to be "available" for adoption to Ukrainians for one year, and just now came available for international adoption. We did not see their pictures or vital statistics at our first appointment with the NAC, so the experience with the first group bought us the necessary time (and additional skills) for finding and succeeding with this group.
Upon reading the last two paragraphs, I know that it sounds like very little information. The truth is, that while we know a little more of the story, we don't know much. I think it might be better that way. Details will come out in bits and pieces as the children's English improves (almost no English, at the moment), but we will just learn to make our way from day to day. We have every intention of retrieving the sixth child, if the father does not claim him in the next year and a half, but there are a huge number of obstacles ahead of us on this count, not the least of which are the significant costs and the web of Ukrainian law and all of its loopholes.
I should say that we are so enamored with the kids, laying awake at night with our heads spinning, planning some event or other for the next day, and trying to figure out what they meant by "sdofiuroie," which isn't even anything they probably said. My little Ukrainian phrasebook has been in constant use over the last five weeks, and it looks like that will continue for at least the next one or two months. By then, their English skills will have outstripped my Ukrainian, I'm sure, and we'll be in a new stage of our relationship. I do have to say that Andrei complemented my ability to say what was necessary in Ukrainian, but it sure helps to have a willing listener.
When the kids aren't obeying, I have to take them in my lap, pull out my phrase book, and say (after several seconds of squirming and complaining), "Po-SLU-khay-te me-NE," which means, "Listen to me!" Having accomplished that, I proceed to look up the word of what I don't want them to do, and say, "ne ___!" Most problems are repeated multiple times, so I have a ready vocabulary of about twelve imperatives. Luckily, we have had very few "incidents," partly because things are going well, partly because we are still in a honeymoon period, and partly because most of our time is on the orphanage grounds, and there is some sense of structure, certainly more than we had at the camps with the first group several weeks ago.
Today, we also gave the children their additional American names. We have wrestled with this a great deal over the last three months, and have decided to keep their Ukrainian names (transliterated, of course) as their middle names, and give them new first names. Since Ukraine uses a version of the father's name as a middle name (patronimic), they don't really have middle names, per se. They will be free to use their Ukrainian names in school, or wherever, and we will probably use them at home. But if they ever want to blend into the crowd more, either in school or once they grow up, they will have the option of doing so.
Already today, after my explanation to them (in present tense Ukrainian with the wrong prepositions) about the whole "new name thing," some announced that they would be using their American names in the U.S., and others said, "over my dead body," or some such equivalent. Immediately, the three boys went off to consult with each other about the whole topic. The two older ones had disagreed about how to handle their new names, and the little one tagged along, as he often does. This whole discussion was followed by a group phone call to Masha (on the cell phone she has lent us while we're here), where she could explain to them what our intentions were, that each child could choose which name they wanted to use, and generally for the kids to have a great time talking on a cell phone to someone who is miles away. It's likely that they've never spoken on a "mobile" phone before, and it's very exciting for them.
We're still not sure what all transpired, but Masha assured me that they had understood me correctly, and that "there was no problem," which is the main thing she was interested in conveying to us. Their names are as follows:
Paul Ruslan (rus-LAN) is 11,
Adam Bogdan (bog-DAN or boh-DAN, still up in the air) is 10,
[His name has different pronunciations in Russian and Ukrainian, respectively.]
Rachel Ludmila (lud-MI-la, with a short I) is 9,
Sarah Olena (o-LE-na, with a Latin E) is 7, and
David Mihailo (mi-HAI-lo) is 6.
We had decided not to use names of our siblings for any of the kids, but Misha is such a David, we couldn't think of any other name that fit him as well. I'll let you all decide what I mean by that statement. You Davids out there I'm sure will understand.
So, we are currently calling them Ruslan, Bogdan, Luda, Lena, and Misha, until they request a change, if that ever happens. For those of you who know how much I struggled with the whole naming issue, you will know how far I've come. We are both very content with the whole shebang.
It's about time to wrap up. Tomorrow, our court appointment is "at 8:30 or 9:00 a.m." We will go to pick up the oldest three, who are to appear in court, as well. They are well prepared, since a week ago they each had to write on a clean piece of paper, "I, ___, born on ___, want to be adopted by Stahlke, Jonathan Ernest, and Stahlke, Mary Benson. I write this on ____ date, as witnessed by ___, ___, and ___." You can all appreciate how difficult this must have been for Ruslan, who was at the Black Sea, and had no opportunity to get to know us (except for two hours, which included soccer in sandals and swimming in my undies among the jellyfish in the briny tide). My hat goes off to him. In fact, my heart goes out to him, trying to find his way through a very confusing set of circumstances. He had good advisors, and everyone encouraging him to do it, so he did.
We take some of the new clothes we have bought over the last week to the orphanage in the morning, for the kids to wear to court, and play it by ear for the rest of the day, which will be completely full with MULTIPLE activities. We shall see. Pray for us, as we know you do. These are truly amazing times.
(Even if we leave Saturday, we hope to send another message before boarding the plane.)
Big Week
This time it's Jonathan. We're trying to be more efficient with our time, and have both of us on two different computers simultaneously. Mary is taking care of business, trying to get the kids enrolled in school, dispatching doctor's appointments (along with the rest of the world, evidently), and generally organizing our lives. No small task. This may be the first time my being on a computer has been considered efficient!
The internet cafe that has the fastest computers in town has been really booked up lately. Last night, there was a line waiting for available computers, and this noon there was a line once again, so this seems to be the best time to post.
Things are coming into focus pretty quickly. Masha called from Kiev less than an hour ago to say that she secured the last of the signatures from the NAC (Adoption Center) to move forward on everything. Already on Friday, she had begun setting up a court appointment here in Kirovograd (through the lawyer who's representing us) for Wednesday morning (August 17). We are awaiting confirmation and the exact time.
She further said that she was unable to get a train back to us until Wednesday morning at 3 a.m.! As big a city as this is, there is not daily train service between here and Kiev. So, she arrives at 3 a.m., and we go to court later that morning. There just always has to be a yet more extreme circumstance than we could have imagined. We end up just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and then wondering if there's a third shoe on this particular beast.
Anyway, that means that we maneuver all of the pre-court details on our own without Masha's translation assistance, but with trusty Andrei driving us around and interpreting for us when we get in a bind (yes, several times a day). Andrei claims to only speak Russian, but he understands Ukrainian just fine and understands us from time to time.
Today was frenetic, but fun. We had to get Ruslan's (Ukrainian)passport pictures taken, and while he was out with us, we took advantage of the outing and bought him some black shoes. Shoes are the hardest to buy for the kids without them present. We also got a dress shirt for him (and for Bogdan, while we were at it), since they were for sale in the same shop. He was definitely wide-eyed at the mall, but he's a quiet and serious child, speaking only when it's critical.
We got a good smile out of him today, however, as he and I were tossing little nubby handballs back and forth on the orphanage grounds. We started throwing the two balls to each other simultaneously (having them cross in the air), and then clapping once, twice, three times, and so on before catching the in-coming ball. It was like a circus act, and he's quite good at it. Mary got in a game of chess with him this morning (which he won), so we feel the ice is thawing well. He is, with good reason, apprehensive about the trip, the new home, new friends, and precious little Ukrainian in his future. We suspect it's impossible for any of the children to know just how much English they will be surrounded by. We're hoping that Saturday morning Ukrainian school will help relieve some of the pressure and give them someone (besides each other) to speak to fluently.
So, back to the story. We've bought underwear and socks at the open market without the children present. We had taken their measurements, and just whipped out the paper tape measure we had gotten at IKEA a few months ago. I'm sure the sellers at the market got a real kick out of us rummaging through children's underwear packages, stretching the waistband just a bit, and measuring it dutifully. Then saying in present tense verbs with incorect prepositions, "We were thinking of something a little larger," or "It won't work for the two girls to have the same kind of underwear." We should have been charging admission for the entertainment we provided. It would have paid for one of the plane tickets back.
I guess I'm off the track again. We found out last week that only the children over eight years old are required in court. So, we have a set of clothes for all the kids (for when they leave the orphanage), as well as dress clothes for the oldest three (for Wednesday morning's court appointment).
It's hard to imagine, but after the court appointment, we're supposed to go out to the two villages where the children were born (about 100 kilometers away, or 65 miles) in order to do something with the birth certificates which are housed there. We find it unusual, but it's universal practice in adoption to get "new birth certificates" for the children. This is cognitive dissonance for someone who has spent a year doing archival research! Anyway, on Wednesday, we mess with this, then get Ukrainian passports (internal identification documents) for the children. They need these in order to get visas to go with us to the United States. I had thought that they would be getting U.S. passports before travelling, but we no longer think that this is so.
After all of this happens (maybe still Wednesday), we throw a party at the orphanage for each of the grades represented by our kids, give gifts to all of the caretakers (as well as the director, doctor, and orphanage as a whole), and if there's still time, take the children to Kiev. Assuming that we won't have time for all of this, the children stay one more night in the orphanage, the party is Thursday morning, and Thursday becomes a travel day. If possible, we get to Kiev early enough to transact business on Thursday, so that our Kiev time is not protracted.
Don't mean to make this a cliff-hanger, but we're out of time for today. It's looking like we'll be home next week, but aren't sure which day just yet. We know that this has implications for whether or not the baptisms will be on August 27, and we're still discussing the parameters. Will let you know soon.
Thanks for listening. I feel so much better now. 8-)
A Daily "Routine"
I don't know if anything on our trip can be called "routine," but at least this week each day has roughly the same schedule. We arrive at the orphanage around 10:00 am each morning and round up Bogdan, Luda, Lena, and Misha. Usually the word gets out among the other children in the orphanage, and our four come running up to us. Except for two days when it was raining, we spend all our time on the grounds that surround the building. We start the visit with something to eat--sometimes candy or ice cream, but more often fruit, which they love. We then play with them using a variety of games and toys that we bring each time. (One of our tasks each day before leaving home is gathering our "stash" to keep four active kids interested for four hours!) Besides balls, rubber snakes, art supplies, rubics cubes, puzzles, etc., etc., they are also fascinated with non-toys like my umbrella, calculator, and camera bag. And one of the best items is the packet of "wet ones" that we bring each day. They love to wash everything, including everyone's faces, the umbrella, and my purse! I'm just happy they want to be clean!
We must return them to their respective "groups" shortly before noon for the lunch hour. We then do business in the afternoon (lots--that's a future posting) and go to the flea market to keep our toy stash from depleting. Then it's back to visit from 4:00 until 6:00.
I need to run--as much as I want to write more, we have so much to do, like buying clothes for us and the kids for court next week, getting our finances in order to give gifts to caregivers and the orphanage, preparing for paperwork at the U.S Embassy next week, etc., etc. I'll write more when I can. Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes!
Trip to the Black Sea
Yesterday was a long but successful day. We left at 7:45 am by car, with Andrei driving and the orphanage director riding in the front seat. We arrived at the camp on the Black Sea at 1:00 and she went to talk to Ruslan. She had tried to telephone ahead to let him know we were coming, but the cell phone connection didn't go through.
She talked with him and his caregiver for about fifteen minutes, and then we received word to come meet him. He is 11 years old, very tanned from his time at camp, and with his blonde hair cut very short. It was hard on him to receive such huge news with almost no notice, and at first he was too shy to talk to us. But we pulled out the camera and showed him photos of his brothers and sisters, and then we tried the photo album of our house and environs in Chicago. He was still pretty apprehensive, so we next tried playing ball. He perked up a little, and eventually ran to his room to retrieve a soccer ball.
Ruslan, Jonathan, Andrei, and I all played soccer for about 30 minutes. Despite my dress and sandals, I kept up ok. All those soccer practices back in high school were worth every minute, preparing me for this day. Ruslan loves sports, and after the soccer got too hot, he took us to the beach to swim. We hadn't brought bathing suits (thinking we would be at the camp only 30 minutes), so I stuck to wading. But I'm very proud of Jonathan--despite several difficulties, he went swimming with Ruslan and Andrei. It was a critical moment.
Jonathan asked Andrei (all of this in broken phrasebook Ukrainian!) if he should attempt to swim with Ruslan, and second, if it was ok to swim in his underwear. Andrei asked Jonathan what kind of underwear he was wearing. Jonathan showed him his white, jockey (Fruit of the Loom) underwear and got his approval. So off with the jeans and almost everything else and into the water, only to find that this beach is home to lots and lots of "Medusas" (jellyfish). Ruslan loved to grab the heads and turn them over, being careful to avoid the tentacles. Jonathan managed to avoid the medusas, not get too sunburned, and at Ruslan's suggestion even opened his eyes underwater despite the salt. Jonathan told me to write that these are all signs of a desperate man! They had a good time, and Ruslan seemed to relax a little.
After swimming, his caregiver took Ruslan to a picnic table and helped him write out the official letter saying that he would like to be adopted. It was quite lengthy, and he wrote it all out himself in cursive handwriting. We finished the visit by taking his photo to show his siblings, helping him buy some souvenirs for them, and giving him the gift of a soccer ball that we had hidden away in the trunk of the car. He was still pretty scared, even as we left, and I'm sure he has a lot to think about this week. We'll see him again next Monday when he returns from camp to the orphanage.
We drove home, arriving at 11:00 pm after a long, but very successful day!
A Door Wide Open
You haven't heard from us for many days because we have been very busy. On Wednesday at 9:30 am, we got word that our NAC appointment was on for 10:00! I'm glad our apartment was close to the NAC! We got dressed up and walked over there quickly.
We were shown the notebooks with info on sibling groups and worked through them from about 10:30 until lunchtime at 1:00. By then, we had narrowed the groups down to three, and over lunch, Masha made some calls and found out that one of the three was no longer available. Jonathan and I talked, and one of the groups definitely pulled at us more than the other. So after lunch, we had to wait until 3:30 and then got into the room again to write down everything we could about this group of children. Among the information was the following:
Ruslan age 11, Bohdan age 10, Ludmila (nicknamed Luda) age 9, Olena (nicknamed Lena) age 7, and Mihailo (nicknamed Misha) age 6.
In addition, there is a sixth child who is not currently available for adoption. He is 2 years old, and for reasons that remain unclear, the parental rights of the father have not been terminated. We are working to find out more information about this little boy.
On Thursday, we left about 6:30 am and traveled by car to the city where these children live. Kirovohrad is an oblast (state) capital about a 5-hour drive south southeast of Kyiv. Masha met first with the inspector of the county guardianship office, showing her our NAC letter of approval to meet the children. The visit with the inspector went very quickly and did not require an interview with us (good!), and before we knew it, we were driving to the orphanage. Barely time to comb our hair, let alone eat any lunch! We met first with the orphanage director, who answered some of our questions and then called in the orphanage doctor and lawyer to give us some background on the children's health and family situation. Then the director called for the children to meet us, right there in her office.
The two youngest came in first. Misha is 6, with bright brown eyes and a shy smile. He was standing in such a way to make himself look as tall as possible. Lena (7) is a dark brunette with loads of energy and is especially good at gymnastics. Then the next two came in--Luda (9) has lighter hair and is very gentle, quiet, and conscientious. Bohdan (10) is named after one of the famous historical leaders of Ukraine. He is almost charismatic in his manner, with a winning smile and a sparkle in his eye. We've continued to meet with the children twice a day on Friday and Saturday, playing games and getting to know them better. Misha starting calling us "Mama" and "Papa," from the start, and now all four have followed his lead. They are all very interested in being adopted and coming to the U.S. to be our children.
Ruslan is off at camp on the Black Sea, in the town of Skadovsk on the western side of the peninsula leading to Crimea. Tomorrow we will travel in Andrei's car with the orphanage director in order to meet Ruslan and ask him if he wants to be adopted. The distance is about 400 kilometers, which is four or five hours each way depending on the condition of the roads. We will go and return all in one day, since the director has to be back at work in the orphanage on Monday morning. Assuming Ruslan says yes, the paperwork can then move forward. The director is very, very good with children, and her influence and authority will hopefully help things go smoothly. Ruslan is also young (11), and children this age are usually excited about adoption.
Well, a lot's happened since I last wrote, and I have a lot more to tell. But we need to run to get some toys and fruit together for our visits this afternoon and tomorrow. We're happy and thankful for the events of the last few days. It's been a whirlwind!
