Names
Many people who follow this blog know the children only by their English first names. At home, however, and among the extended family, we use their Ukrainian names, and those are the names I'm using as I write my posts. So let me explain who is who, for those of you outside the family. The pronunciation guide is how I say their names, although the children tell me I pronounce their names like an American!
Paul Ruslan (pronounced ROOS-LAHN')
Adam Bogdan (BOHG-DAHN')
Rachel Ludmila; nickname: Luda (LOOD-MIH'-LUH, LOO'-DUH)
Sarah Oleana; nickname: Lena (O-LEH'-NA, LEH'-NA)
David Mihailo; nickname: Misha (MIH-HIGH'-LOH, MEE'-SHUH)
Mikola, nickname: Kola (MIH-KOH'-LUH, KOH'-LUH)
(It's important to pronounce Misha's name as MEE'-SHA, because MIH'-SHA means "mouse" in Ukrainian.)
Before traveling to Ukraine in 2005, Jonathan and I thought long and hard about names. We decided to give the children English first names, so they could blend in at their American school. But we retained their Ukrainian names, which are such a part of their identity. Could you imagine being called by a name for the first ten years of your life, and then lose it altogether? Also, since we used their Ukrainian names for about a week before we gave them English names, we got to know them by their Ukrainian names. They are Ruslan, Bogdan, Luda, Lena, and Misha to us.
We haven't given Mikola an English name yet, because we learned in 2005 that we can't name a child until we've met him/her. One of Jonathan's brothers is David Stahlke, and we originally didn't want duplication of names within the extended family. But Misha reminded us of David (the brother), and we chose him as Misha's godfather. Misha delights in the fact that there are now two David Stahlkes!
We have always given the children their choice of name for any particular situation. Early on, it became clear they wanted their English names for all public places--school, the neighborhood, church, doctors' offices, etc. I have to remember to use their English names in these situations, and it often feels like I'm translating in my head.
The adoption literature that we've studied often mentions the losses that adoptive parents and children face. The children have lost their birth family, country, culture, etc., and the adoptive parents have lost biological continuity, privacy (due to doctors and social workers), the experience of pregnancy and birth, etc. Of all these losses, adoption heals only a few of them--our need to parent, and the children's need to have a family. But many of the other losses are ones we and they will deal with for a long time. One loss for me is that the names we chose for our children are not the names that I use for them, and it feels foreign to me to call them Paul, Adam, Rachel, Sarah, and David. But this is a case where my needs as a mother must be secondary to their needs as my children. They have lost almost everything of their Ukrainian lives--and I cannot take away the most basic element of their heritage and identity--their Ukrainian names.
Green Beans or Brussel Sprouts?
The soil in Ukraine is among the best in the world. When we were there, one could see how dark and rich the dirt was--not red or light brown like so many soils in the U.S. The emphasis on agricultural in Ukraine is evident in our children. For example, they love flowers, with the dandelion as the current flower of interest. Last week one of the boys made a necklace and headpiece solely out of dandelion flowers. He didn't use a base on which to mount the flowers, but rather wove the stems together. It was very beautiful. The children have told me that such flower necklaces and "crowns" are often worn for Ukrainian Easter.
For the second year in a row, the two older boys have planted a large garden in our back yard, with about fifteen different kinds of vegetables. All of the chidren love to eat vegetables, as long as they're raw, and their absolute favorites are tomatoes and cabbage. Jonathan and I have eaten very few cooked vegetables since August 2005, and we're starting to reintroduce them into our cooking. Cooked corn, either on the cob or loose, has been successful, but one of our favorites, green beans, has received a strong thumbs down. Yesterday, we decided to try brussel sprouts. Jonathan cooked them with lots of butter and lemon juice, and they were really delicious. We described them to the children as "baby cabbages," and they actually tried a few. Ruslan, our oldest, said they were pretty good, so I predict we'll be cooking them more often in the future. Bogdan asked us to describe the plant itself, and what it would look like in the garden if they planted it. He then requested that next time we eat "real" brussel sprouts (i.e., raw ones)!
A Message from the Tooth Fairy
Dear Mary and Jonathan,
I know you've been busy, especially with all five children starting Little League. I'm also aware that your children are losing their baby teeth both for normal reasons and also at the dentist's office due to tooth decay. But you really need to make things a little easier for me. Here's how:
1. Give me more notice of when I should visit your home.
When Luda lost a tooth last Thursday, you could have told me Thursday night that it was time for a visit. But you waited until 6:00 am on Friday morning, when you woke up from a bad dream and then suddenly remembered I should be coming.
2. Do something about the creaky stairs.
Most of the time I fly to the children's rooms. But last Friday, I decided to walk, and your stairs made so much noise I was sure the children would wake up.
3. Have the girls clean their room.
As I was putting the dollar in the tooth container, I accidentally dropped the tooth on the floor. In the dark, and with so many toys on the floor, it was impossible to find it. Jonathan, thank you for retrieving the tooth the next day before the girls found it!
______________________
Despite these problems, I'm very glad to visit your home. Thanks for letting me know how excited the children get when they're showing you their dollars the next morning.
Sincerely,
The Tooth Fairy
Ukrainian Elections Postponed
More developments in Ukraine's political crisis--
Yesterday, the President and Prime Minister resumed talks. There's an interesting photo of them at the following website:
view/2007/04/26/Ukraine_PM_opposes_new_poll_move
The two leaders are seated across from each other at a large table. President Yushchenko is on the left, and Prime Minister Yanukovych sits on the right. The room itself is decorated very ornately, and resembles the castle interiors we often saw during our time in Europe.
Later, on the same day as the talks and much to the surprise of the Prime Minister, the President announced a delay in the proposed parliamentary elections from May 27 to June 24. He explained that officicals needed more time to prepare for the elections. He also stated that an election would allow the voters to decide democratically the best way out of the current impasse in the Ukrainian government. Some news editorials describe the President's postponement of the election as a conciliatory move.
The Prime Minister's spokesperson described both the previous dissolution of Parliament and yesterday's postponement of the election as unconstitutional. The Prime Minister's party continues to block funds to pay for the election until the Constitutional Court can rule if the election is constitutional.
Grand Prize: Vacation Package
A member of my church choir and his family have donated a vacation package as the Grand Prize in the raffle connected to the March 31 fundraiser for Kola. Trinity decided to extend the time for the drawing into April so that more people could participate.
The vacation package is for one full week in a condo in the Myrtle Beach, South Carolina area. Presidential Villas is located three miles south of Myrtle Beach, only one mile from Atlantic Ocean beaches. The one-bedroom condo, which can accomodate up to four people, is part of the Plantation Resort (in Surfside Beach, SC). This resort features a golf course, glass-enclosed pool, great children's facilities, a health club, and of course, easy access to the sights and activities of Myrtle Beach. For more information, the phone number for the resort is 843-913-5000.
For details of the drawing, I quote the publicity flyer for the raffle:
"Winner need not be present at drawing. Winning ticket will be drawn on 5/01/07 and announced at the 5/06/07 church services. This raffle is not limited to Trinity Lutheran members, only limited number of tickets will be sold. Travel dates and destinations subject to resort availability, many alternate destinations available, and airfare is not included. Travel must be completed by 5/31/2008. Winner(s) will be contacted by Jerry Gore to customize arrangements for your vacation. All proceeds from ticket sales benefit the Stahlke family adoption. $15.00 per ticket or 2 for $25.00 Make checks payable to the Trinity Lutheran Church."
This prize is a very generous gift on the part of the donor and his family, and I wanted to let my "blog" friends know about it. For further information, telephone Trinity's church office at 630-834-3440 (Tues-Fri 8:30-4:00, Saturday 9:00 am-12:00 noon).
Some Adoption News from Ukraine
This morning, Jonathan telephoned Darlene at LSS-New England. She had received an Email from Masha, our facilitator in Ukraine. First of all, we learned that our dossier was not the one that Masha submitted on March 30. She is dealing with two LSS-NE families, and the dossier for the other family is the one she submitted that day.
In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that the SDAPRC (the Ukraine government's national adoption office) had closed temporarily following the resignations of their top leadership. According to the web site of the US Embassy in Kyiv, they reopened on April 16. Appointments are very difficult for facilitators to obtain, but Masha is working hard to schedule one, maybe next week, so she can turn in our dossier.
Darlene told us that she (and/or Masha) has talked with other agencies to find out how the timing has been for families adopting in Ukraine in recent weeks. They've told her that dossiers in the pipeline are being processed efficiently despite the changes at the SDAPRC. Once a facilitator turns in a dossier, the processing time in the SDAPRC is fast, and they send a letter with an appointment (and therefore travel) date about six weeks out.
On the larger political front, I've found very little new information today about the Constitutional Court's deliberations. Poland and Ukraine, however, were recently chosen to host the Euro 2012, which is the European soccer championship. Warsaw will host the opening event, and Kyiv will be the site of the final. To describe the import of this decision, consider this: the last time an Eastern bloc or former Eastern bloc country hosted this event was more than thirty years ago (1976) in the former Yugoslavia.
Ukraine's president, Yushchenko, personally represented Ukraine at the soccer federation's deliberations in Cardiff, Wales. The prime minister, Yanukovych, has called for restraint in Ukraine's politics, because upheaval would be bad for Ukraine's image in light of the Euro 2012 decision.
As I find more information about all of this, I'll let you know.
Little League
We have taken the plunge and enrolled all five children in Little League. Since our kids are athletic, and baseball is so integral to American culture, it seemed like the right thing to do.
A year ago, we offered Little League to the children, but only Misha decided to try it. Most of the children were involved in gymnastics or ballet, and we told them that only one sport at a time was possible. Misha actually stopped gymnastics classes to try T-ball. I was especially happy with one of the side benefits of him playing ball: the four older kids, who had never played baseball, now had a safe way to observe and learn the game by watching their little brother play.
In addition, the children's elementary school uses baseball rules for their kickball games. That helped our kids internalize the concepts without realizing it. They also had a big taste of Chicago fan support in fall 2005 when the White Sox won the World Series. Currently they are all Sox fans, while their parents favor the Cubs--makes for some interesting discussions at the dinner table.
Yesterday, I spent an hour entering all the practice times and games times into my calendar. Oh, my! I'm trying hard not to have second thoughts about this, but the scheduling is going to be . . . challenging. For example, look at Tuesday, May 8:
5:30 Home game for Misha
5:45 Away game for Lena
6:00 Practice for Ruslan
6:30 Away game for Bogdan
Luda gets the day off, but she has games on both Monday, May 7, and Wednesday, May 9!
All of you who advised us not to sell our Cavalier when we bought the van--THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
More on Politics
I checked the website for the Kyiv Post today and found some more information about the political situation there. New elections for the Parliament have been scheduled for May 27, pending the decision of the Constitutional Court. The Prime Minister stated yesterday in a speech in Strasbourg that if the court declares the President's dissolution of Parliament to be unconstitutional, then the Prime Minister's party will call for the impeachment of the President. The President made a speech yesterday in Brussels calling for the crisis to be solved democratically.
Another story reported that Putin, the Russian President, has not commented publicly on the Ukrainian political crisis. That contrasts with his active role in the 2004 elections, which sparked the Orange Revolution. At that time, Putin actively supported Yanukovych, who is now Prime Minister. This time, Putin has kept a low profile.
Court Deliberation in Ukraine
I checked some more websites for political info on Ukraine and have some updates on what I wrote yesterday. My sources are the Kyiv Post, an English-language newspaper in Ukraine, and the International Herald Tribune, which is an overseas joint version of the Washington Post and the New York Times.
kyivpost.com
iht.com/articles/2007/04/17/opinion/edletters.php
After the President dissolved Parliament and called for new elections, the Prime Minister asked the Constitutional Court to rule on the legality of the President's action. According to the International Herald Tribune editorial, Ukraine's constitution doesn't allow the dissolving of Parliament for the reasons the President gave. The Constitutional Court has taken the case, and both the President and Prime Minister have agreed to abide by their decision.
Deliberations began on Tuesday, April 17, and are still continuing. On Wednesday, April 18, a large crowd of protesters supporting the President blocked the entrance to the court, delaying the opening of proceedings by one hour. But finally, most of the judges made it in and began their work for the day. As far as I can tell from the articles, the demonstrations were peaceful.
Article in the Forest Park Review
An article was published about our family today in the Forest Park Review, our local newspaper. They did a very nice job with the story, and the photos are delightful.
If you want to see the article online, the address is:
forestparkreview.com
(This web address only works with lower case letters.)
Look in the Hometown section, which can be reached either through the list of sections on the left or by scrolling down the first screen.
More about Ukrainian politics
I've been looking for more information on the political crisis in Ukraine. There have been a few articles in the Chicago Tribune, and I've also seen some info on the website of the US embassy in Kyiv:
kiev.usembassy.gov/files/070411_amb_podcast_april_eng.html
Here's my thumbnail sketch of the issues:
A new law in Ukraine requires lawmakers in Parliament to remain with their political parties until the next election. President Viktor Yushchenko (pro-West) is accusing Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych (pro-Russia) of recruiting lawmakers from Yushchenko's party to join Yanukovych's party. Eleven lawmakers did defect, in violation of the new law. Because of these actions, the President dissolved Parliament on April 2, a move which the Prime Minister refused to accept.
According to Bill Taylor, the US ambassador to Ukraine, there are three possible solutions:
1) new elections
2) a ruling by the constitutional court (the highest court in Ukraine)
3) a negotiated settlement between the President and the Prime Minister
The President and Prime Minister are holding talks, and tens of thousands of members of their parties have peacefully demonstrated in Kyiv. Taylor attended the rallies on March 31 and remarked at length about how orderly and peaceful they were.
As I hear more news, I'll pass it on.
Changes at the SDAPRC
Yesterday we got information from our agency about changes in leadership at the central adoption authority of Ukraine (SDAPRC) in Kiev. Today I checked the US Embassy web site in Ukraine and found out the following information at kiev.usembassy.gov/amcit_adoptions_notice_0405_eng.html
The SDAPRC is the Ukrainian government entity that handles both domestic and foreign adoptions for the entire country. In the last year and a half, this office (formerly the National Adoption Center or NAC) was moved from one ministry of the government to another, and a new set of administrators was appointed (different than the ones we worked with in 2005). The NAC has reopened this spring under a new name--the State Department for Adoption and Protection of Rights of the Child, or SDAPRC. As of March 20, however, three top administrators resigned (the director, deputy director, and head of the international adoption unit). As of April 5, no new leadership had been appointed. Dossiers already in the pipeline are still being processed, although at a slower rate. No new dossiers are being accepted, although the temporary suspension was supposed to end yesterday (April 16).
Jonathan and I are anxiously waiting to hear the status of our dossier. In addition, we would like to know why the leadership of the SDAPRC resigned, and what it all means for Kola's adoption. As many of you know from the news, Ukraine is dealing with its largest political crisis since the Orange Revolution. The president has dissolved the parliament and is calling for new elections, and demonstrators are once again in the Maidan, or central square, of Kiev. When we were in Kiev, we spent a good deal of time in the Maidan, which was full of tourists, street musicians, vendors, theatrical groups, and young people. We took the children there on their last night in Ukraine, as a farewell to their country. They had a wonderful time, eating hot dogs, listening to accordion players, watching street theater, looking at children's books for sale, and just being kids. The Maidan feels like the center of Ukraine, and we'll be carefully listening and watching for news of events there in the next weeks.
I'm Back; Ukrainian Easter
It's been two weeks since I last wrote a post, due to my Holy Week duties at church and then spring break for the children. My father and sister were in town during spring break, which was a wonderful way to visit with the two of them, allow the kids to further bond with their grandfather and aunt, and give me some much-appreciated help with childcare. Jonathan worked full-tilt at Concordia last week, since the semester is almost over and his grading, teaching, and committee commitments are heavy right now.
Unlike most years, Easter for the Western and Orthodox churches landed on the same day this year. So on Saturday, April 7, we shopped for items for our Ukrainian Easter dinner and placed them in a basket for blessing. The centerpiece of the basket was a tall loaf of sweet bread, sprinkled with powdered sugar, which is called "Paska" (the same root as the English word "Paschal"). We also included a bottle of salmon, some Ukrainian sausage, colored Easter eggs, flowers, a salt shaker, and a candle. Luda and Lena decorated the handle of the basket with ribbons and bows, and we found a yellow towel with a floral pattern to drape over the foods. The girls also tied their hair up with ribbons, and even got me to sport a high pony-tail like theirs.
At 6:00 pm, we joined about three hundred other people in the parking lot outside the Ukrainian Orthodox church where the children attend Ukrainian school. Everyone stood in a very large circle with their baskets on the ground before them. It was a cold windy evening, and much of the time was spent keeping the burning candle in the basket from blowing out. The priest, followed by several assistants and altar boys, first walked around the circle swinging a censer over all the baskets. The incense smells so good! Then the priest walked a second time around the circle sprinkling the baskets as well as the people with holy water. We left for home and ate our food there, supplemented by "Vareniky" (dumplings filled with meat, cheese, sauerkraut, or potato) and blintzes filled with cream cheese. I'm hoping in future years to also serve decorative butter that we've seen in the stores--it's carved in the shape of a lamb, which symbolizes Christ.
The main Easter service in the Ukrainian Orthodox church starts around 10:00 pm and lasts for several hours. With our schedule on Sunday mornings at Trinity, we haven't been able to attend the Orthodox service yet, but sometime in the future we hope to go.
What a Weekend!
It was a fantastic weekend, with two huge occasions:
Saturday evening's fundraiser was a landmark event on our journey to adopt Mikola. The members of Trinity, led by the Fellowship Committee, did an incredible job. The room was festively decorated, lots of people helped to run the various posts, the food was good and very child-friendly, the band played lively music, there were lots of activities for the children, and the tables held many, many wonderful donations for the raffle, bake sale, meal, and door prizes. Many people also donated of their time and talent, including lots of Trinity members, the band, and the Elks, who gave free use of the hall.
Guests attended from many different parts of our lives--Trinity, St. John's, the children's schools, Concordia, neighbors, etc. In addition, many people who could not attend sent cash donations for the fund. The children were excited all day, and the girls especially dressed up. They asked to wear lip gloss, and then insisted that I do so, too. Later at home when I said good night to Bogdan, he beamed up at me and asked if we could have another party like that tomorrow! He and the other four had a fabulous time, and they really sensed that the event was tangible proof that the process to bring their brother home is moving forward.
On Sunday night, Jonathan conducted the Concordia orchestra in his last full concert. (The music department is hiring someone for next fall who will have the orchestra as their primary responsibility; Jonathan is the theory/composition professor in the dept.) Jonathan founded the orchestra about eight years ago, so it was an emotional evening for us. The children attended and were well-behaved (with the help of three friends who sat with us!). We heard four concerto movements performed by student soloists and accompanied by the orchestra. The music was beautiful, and the orchestra did quite well. I was very proud of them and of Jonathan. When he arrived home after the concert, I pulled out a bottle of champagne and some cheese and crackers, and we talked late into the evening about the concert, the fundraiser, the children, and the adoption. Rather than being exhausted, we had been energized by everything that had taken place.
