Santa Claus, Russian Style
There is a wonderful Coca Cola ad on the interstate highway near our home. It's a huge, ornate image of Santa Claus drinking a Coke, and I especially like the elaborate decoration of his costume. Mikola noticed the billboard right away when it went up, exclaiming excitedly, "Deed Moroz! Deed Moroz!" If you want to learn more about the Russian "Santa Claus," there's a lot of information at the following site:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandfather_Frost
Christmas Shopping
Our children love to give presents. Several of their teachers still talk to us about the Fall 2005 semester, when the children would frequently wrap toys from hom and give them to their teachers. We would hear from the faculty members, "Did you really intend that we receive ____ from your home?"
For Christmas 2005, we gave each child $30 to buy gifts for our immediate family, and at Walmart or Walgreens, it is actually possible to buy a present for $5. The children enjoyed the shopping so much that we've continued the practice for birthdays and Christmas ever since. Part of the allure, of course, is scoping out the toys that are available, and I'm constantly steering the kids away from things priced at $10 and up.
This Christmas, I've been taking the children to Walgreens, one kid at a time. Two days ago, Kola went on his first shopping trip, and he was full of questions as we drove to the store. "What's the store called?" "What are we buying?" And the eternal question we always hear: "Deleco?" ("How far away [is the store]?")
I emphasized to Kola that he would be purchasing six gifts, one each for Papa, Paul, Adam, Rachel, Sarah, and David. "Six, six, six," he repeated back to me. That's already an important number in our family, because we have six children. The number six was the first English numeral he learned, even before "one."
At Walgreens, he kept asking if he could buy a gift for me, or even more importantly, himself. But the bigger issue was price, which means nothing to a 5-year-old. Since 99 cents is too difficult to explain, I showed him the prices for $2.99, $3.99, $4.99, and $5.99. If the first number was 2, 3, 4, or 5, then he could buy the item.
"But, Mom, why isn't the price number a six?"
From a Christmas Card
Our children are not ours because they share our genes . . .
they are ours because we have had the audacity to envision them.
That, at the end of the day, . . . or long sleepless night,
is how love really works.
- Unknown
Postscript: Discipline?
The other day, Kola refused to put on his shoes as we prepared to leave for an appointment. Adam helped him with one shoe, but I told Adam that it was time for Kola to learn a lesson. I picked Kola up, with only one shoe, and carried him to the car.
When we arrived for our appointment, I carried him into the building and to the elevator. In the waiting room, he had to sit on my lap, since he didn't have both shoes on his feet. When the appointment was finished, I carried him to the car, and then later into the house.
He didn't get to run around and play, which he told me he missed, but he did get some physical closeness with Mama. I think he got the point, and he hasn't refused again to put on his shoes.
Discipline?
"If you have a good morning and help clear the breakfast dishes, you can choose the radio station in the car on the way to school. If not, Mama gets to pick the music."
"If your teacher tells me that your behavior at school was poor, you will take a nap after school. After all, if you are acting out, then you probably need to sleep."
While these efforts do affect the children's behavior, they make a negative consequence out of two very positive aspects of life: classical music and sleep
Point of View
As I drove all the children in the van today, Kola said something that really irritated one of the other children. Kola's response was assertive or annoying, depending on the eyes of the beholder: Child: "KOLA, STOP IT !!!!"
Kola responded in a soft, but clear voice: "Tehoe!" ("Quiet!")
Can't Have It Both Ways
Day 1Child: "You're not my real dad!! I don't have to listen to you!"
Day 2Child: "Dad, I need ___ for school. It's really important."
Day 3Dad: "Since I'm not you're real dad, I don't have to buy __ for you."
Long talk finally ensues.
F(requent) (R)andom (A)ctivity (P)attern
Fall 1994Our puppy Alabama slipped out the front door of our townhouse, but luckily we saw her leave. Jonathan took off in hot pursuit, and she zipped around the entire house, not once, not twice, but three times. My joy at this sight, although tempered by fear of the busy street nearby, made me grin to see her frap with such abandon. Our first year with her showed us that puppies either sleep or run. There's not much middle ground.
Fall 2008Dakota sniffed the new-fallen snow, not hearing me as I called. I clapped my hands, and the high partials of the sound broke through his poor hearing. He raced for the back door, but feeling the snow under his feet, decided instead to pass it. He took a sudden turn in the side yard, spraying a shower of snow sparks. We've noticed that old dogs still have fraps like puppies, but the frequency of the incidents diminishes over time.
Most of the time I feel more like Dakota than Alabama--thankful for those rare bursts of energy. I'm sure you know who the kids take after!
Jonathan's Calendar
Kola studies Jonathan's posterboard calendar daily, especially since his dad adds items now and then. We've also caught several of the other children looking at it quite intently, too.
Timeline
Jonathan and I have discovered that parenting involves a lot of trial and error. You try something and see if it works. Sometimes you find a good solution and other times you have to move on to other ideas. I think we cracked the key to Kola's acting out at school. His teacher figured it out about the same time that we did.
Kola has been measuring time with his fingers. If his thumb and index finger are close together, the coming event takes place in a short time. A wider spacing means a long time, which is not so good. His teacher devised a pictorial schedule for him, so that he can add content to the time he measures on his fingers. His teacher's schedule for him is a stiff-backed board with a horizontal Velcro strip that can hold drawings or photos that represent events. There are various pictures for lunch, recess, music class, library, etc.
The word that signals the end of the school day is "Mom." And here is the last image on Kola's daily calendar:
What Goes Around Comes Around
Most of our children get very upset when Kola breaks the house rules. At times, he sings in the car, pokes or hits other children, unbuckles his seat belt while traveling, and takes toys that don't belong to him.
While I don't like the ensuing fights, part of me chuckles that the children are so incensed about things that they also did and sometimes still do. Their memories are definitely selective!
Court Then (continued)
After leaving the courthouse, Masha immediately went to work to obtain the letter we needed. She asked us to telephone the U.S. embassy in Kyiv to request that they write the letter. As U.S. citizens, the embassy responds better to us than to her. Then Masha called several contacts in Kyiv to find a driver to bring the letter to Kirovohrad. When she secured the driver, we telephoned the embassy again to ask that they hold the letter for pickup. The staff member told us that they had already written it and almost put it in the mail. We were astounded that they had processed it so quickly, and relieved that it had not yet been sent.
The next morning, Masha's friend collected the letter at the embassy and drove it to Kirovohrad in his taxi. Court closed that day at 4:00 pm, and the trip from Kyiv to Kirovohrad is about a five hour drive. He must have driven quickly, for he and the letter arrived around 3:00 pm. (He delivered the letter and turned around to drive back to Kyiv, another five hours!) Masha immediately requested an appointment with the judge, which was granted. We stopped at the orphanage to pick up the children, and while most of them were dressed up, David came in his regular play clothes.
In the courtroom, the judge was very surprised that we could produce an original letter so quickly. He started talking as fast as he could, which Masha translated for us in brief. He was going through the formal statements that grant the adoption. I kept listening for the final pronouncement. Jonathan and I had waited for years and years to become parents, and in moments it would happen. The judge finished his speech and dashed out of the room. Masha nodded at us that the adoption was completed. We were now parents and the five children with us were now part of our family!
Tears of joy streamed down my face. David, seeing me crying and assuming the adoption was not going to happen, burst into tears. Motherhood came quickly for me, for I had to set aside my own feelings and comfort him. He learned that day that sometimes one cries with tears of joy.
We left the court building and took a family picture. If you've seen the _Lutheran Witness_ article (May 2007), you've seen this photo. David is wearing pink shorts, since the orphanage hadn't(understandably) prepared for two days of court.
The second day of court meant that our adoption anniversary with the five children landed on August 18 instead of August 17. Jonathan and I therefore became parents on the exact day of our fifteenth wedding anniversary!
Court Then
2005Our footsteps echoed as we entered the large, empty courtroom. All five of the children, as well as Masha, Jonathan, and I waited a long time for the judge to enter. The multiple pairs of dice we had brought came in handy to entertain the children, who we needed to restrain from crawling over the furniture. They were clothed very nicely with dress shoes we had bought and fancy clothes provided by the orphanage.
The room contained a high tribunal for the judge and assorted small tables for other staff. On the left side of the tribunal stood a cage to hold criminal defendants. Some of the children seemed apprehensive upon seeing this device.
Our lawyer, the state social worker, and the orphanage director entered to tell us that the judge was coming soon. Suddenly the door opened and the judge rushed inside. He walked quickly to his place and immediately started talking in Ukrainian. Masha translated into English as fast as she could, but he spoke so quickly that she could hardly keep up. She did an amazing translation job, since he was speaking in Ukrainian, the official language, and she is a native Russian speaker.
The judge was concerned about our motives for adopting such a large number of children. I was very thankful that we live in a big city and not on a farm, for we could honestly say we wouldn't be requiring the children to do heavy manual labor.
The orphanage director, a wonderful lady, gave her opinion of our potential as parents. It was a beautiful speech. She said that initially she had misgivings of anyone taking such a large group of children. But after watching Jonathan and me interact with them for two weeks, she felt confident that we could parent them well.
Next, the judge required that each child come forward, one by one, to answer his questions. We started with our youngest, David, since he was very, very cute and extremely eager to be adopted. He had celebrated his sixth birthday only a week before our court date. Our young boy held tightly to the orphanage director's hand and approached the tribunal. Among other questions, the judge asked him if he wanted to be adopted. "Oh, yes!" After David, each child took a turn in front of the judge, and they all answered affirmatively.
The judge then consulted our paperwork and raised a big issue. In our original adoption request, made before we met our kids, we had asked for children ten years of old or younger. Now we were trying to adopt a group with one of the children older than that (Paul was 11). The judge expressed concern that the U.S. immigration service would not approve the adoption because of this age issue. We assured him that the request was our own, and not the U.S. government's. He told us, however, that we would need a letter from the embassy in Kyiv assuring him that the children would be allowed to enter the U.S.
We asked him for the court's fax number, but he told us that he needed the original letter and not a copy. Until we could produce such a letter, the adoption could not proceed. He strode quickly out of the room, and we told the children that there was another document needed before the adoption could be completed.
Thank You
At lunch today, I opened the monthly envelope from Trinity that contains my paycheck. There were actually two checks enclosed, and the second one gave the $88 balance left in the Stahlke Adoption Fund.
Total contributions to the fund exceeded $25,000. That's pretty close to the expenses of Mikola's adoption. What a great blessing to him and to us. We had refinanced our house to raise funds for the 2005 adoption, and that was not possible again.
Many, many generous people gave money, time, hard work, gifts-in-kind,and prayers to bring Mikola here. We are grateful.
In Lieu of "S.U."
Scream the word
"HUSH!!!!!"
