Sugar Day
Another candy holiday! I cooked hot cereal with pumpkin for breakfast, and for snack today we're eating popcorn. These are my attempts to limit the kids' sugar intake at least a little bit, although I should probably just give in. Halloween IS a lot of fun, and the unlimited candy is the best part for them. Costumes are a close second, however!
Makes More Sense
When our jars of peanut butter come from Costco
and are HUGE,
therefore containing hundreds of peanuts,
why isn't it called "peanuts butter"?
Sagging
Pants are pulled so low that inches of the child's underwear shows. Jonathan and I give away any clothes used this way, but the practice continues unabated. I was curious about this fashion trend and googled "sagging pants." You wouldn't believe the number of hits.
Seems that the trend started in the early 1990s. Prisoners were issued large uniforms and no belts, which are dangerous as weapons or nooses. The style took root among hip-hop artists and then spread to the general public, most often young men.
The south Chicago suburb of Lynwood has passed an ordinance that levies a fine against anyone showing three or more inches of their underwear in public. The American Civil Liberties Union is fighting the ordinance. I'm not sure anything will help.
FB
At the urging of my childen, I joined Facebook a few days ago. Since Jonathan and I don't want internet at home, I visited the library last night to work at my laptop. Paul, Adam, and Rachel were all sitting at the library computers, facing me at the other end of the library.
While I checked my Facebook account, Adam started a chat with me about his looming term paper. He wrote me, asking for a topic, and I responded that he should write about something he really loves, like skateboards. "Mom, it needs to be about West Side Story and Romeo and Juliet." I gave him several more ideas, and I could see from across the room that he was working hard on his paper.
While that interchange was successful, I have yet to learn the ins and outs of FB. Since I had initially started my profile with only minimal information, I returned and added more details, like hometown, marital status, and religious preference. Well, this caused the program to post to my friends that I had "changed my profile." My pastor made hay with that one:
FB:
Mary is now married. Rob Rogers:
Congrats on the big event. Now that you have 6 children - it's about time.
Prize Closet
Kola accompanied me to the dentist's office today, since he was home sick from school. Knowing that he would probably ask for a prize, which is against our rules since it's like a gift, I decided to head him off at the pass.
Mom: "Kola, when we are at the dentist, will you help me pick a prize?"
Kola: "Yes, Mom, I'll help you."
Mom: "Do you think it's ok for me to get a prize?"
Kola: "Yes! Adults are people, too!"
Unexpected Childcare
Jonathan and I both have flexible work hours in our jobs, with set times for a few appointments like classes, meetings, and ensemble rehearsals. We have yet to figure out how parents with inflexible work hours cope with the variable school schedules of their children.
On a regular basis, our children have early morning (7:30 am) band rehearsal and lessons two mornings a week. Two of our children's schools have early release once a week to accomodate faculty meetings. David has after-school tutoring twice a week, which is better than previous years when up to four children received such help. I won't even go into after-school sports practices, games/meets, and tournaments for football, cross-country, volleyball, and basketball.
In the ten weeks since late August, when all the kids finally started school, we've experienced only four "normal" weeks. In the other six weeks, one or more children have had (non-regular) early release or a day off. At least Jonathan and I are now aware of these schedule changes, having survived them now for four years. The first year with the five kids caught us quite off-guard about the Columbus' Day weekend.
Before becoming parents, Columbus Day hardly warranted a thought. With all the controversy about celebrating the "Discoverer of America" who met native Americans here, even the Chicago Tribune didn't choose to give the day much coverage. But our elementary school turned the weekend into a defacto fall break by combining the Monday holiday with parent/teacher conferences on the previous Thursday and Friday. That meant that the holiday weekend stretched from noon on Thursday until the following Tuesday morning.
In those early days with the kids, Jonathan and I had to jointly care for them, and if that wasn't possible, we recruited friends to help. Suddenly, we had to cover a very long weekend with Jonathan working on Thursday, Friday, and Monday. Never mind that I had just started a new church job, and that our kids had been in the U.S. for only six weeks. I think that was the longest weekend of my life. When I saw the last one enter the building on Tuesday morning, all I could think was "Hooray--they're in school!"
"Uh-oh, the school nurse just telephoned. ___ has a fever and must come home."
Mountains
Clean clothes! Dirty clothes!
Groceries and
Papers from four (!) schools, my job, our creditors
Coming in very quickly
Recycling, Goodwill items, and trash, like
Kids' stuff, especially bags of discarded items that contain valuables like tools (!)
Going out very slowly
Challenges and Joys
It's a good thing that the bad comes with the good. Every day in the last week, Kola is throwing tantrums with full-throttled screaming. Last Wednesday, Jonathan was treated to three of these fits in the short span of four hours. Jonathan and I are trying to figure out what has changed, since Kola can't tell us what's wrong. My best guess is that the one-year anniversary is making him feel the permanency of leaving Ukraine. Alternatively, he could be getting sick like so many of his classmates. The real reason is likely something else altogether.
Every weekday morning, I drive the two younger boys to Kola's school, where David catches his bus. Kola and I then spend about fifteen minutes parked in our car, where he does last-minute homework or listens to music while I write out his picture calendar for the day. He is quite curious, and if I don't stop him, his little fingers will explore every nook and cranny of the car. A few days ago, he reached for the windshield wiper knob, asking me, "Mom, how do you turn on the windmills?"
Clocks
In 2005, when our first five children arrived in Chicago, none of them could tell time on an analog clock. Even our nine, ten, and eleven-year olds would ignore the clock in our main living area, and instead walk into the master bedroom for a glance at the digital alarm clock there. I have yet to figure out how they missed learning about this part of daily life. For many months, the children didn't master the analog system, since we were too busy to teach them and in school the subject of time is covered in lower grade levels.
As a six-year-old, Kola has yet to learn much about telling time. But he has definitely noticed the new clock in our living area, which was a gift last Christmas from my brother's family. A small photo of a child accompanies each number on the clock, and altogether the entire group of cousins on my side of the family is represented.
This morning, Kola asked me what time we would depart for school. I pointed to the number nine (7:45 am), next to his brother's photo. Kola smiled and said, "Ok--that's David time."
Pleasant Dreams
Some time ago, Sarah came home from a school or library event with a "dreamcatcher." This Native-American wall-hanging is circular with netting surrounding a central opening. A good image of a dreamcatcher can be seen in Wikipedia.
The idea is that dreams float in the air around us while we sleep. Good dreams pass through the central hole to the sleeping person, while bad dreams get caught in the netting and are therefore kept away.
I suffered nightmares as a child, as do some of my own kids. What an interesting concept to give a child an object that they feel will keep bad dreams away. Just believing that the nightmares won't come is probably enough to hold them at bay.
Remembering
For over thirteen years, God blessed us with Alabama.
Two years ago today, he took her back.
I miss her greatly.
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.
Gifts
It is my privilege as a church musician to receive blessings and fulfillment through my work. I heard a hymn festival this evening featuring the hymns of Carl Schalk, as Concordia University celebrates both his eighty years and his many contributions to church music. The following poem by Richard Baxter (1615-91) and its lovely setting by Schalk especially moved me:
Lord, It Belongs Not to My CareLord, it belongs not to my care,
whether I die or live,
To love and serve thee is my share,
and this thy grace must give.
If life be long, I will be glad
that I may long obey:
If short, yet why should I be sad
to soar to endless day?
Christ leads us through no darker rooms
than he went through before,
He that unto God's kingdom comes
must enter by this door.
Come Lord, when grace has made me meet,
thy blessed face to see:
For if thy work on earth be sweet,
what will thy glory be!
My knowledge of that life is small,
the eye of faith is dim;
But 'tis enough that Christ knows all,
and I shall be with him.
Anesthesia
I manage to maintain my energy level until 9:30 pm or so on most evenings. But Friday night is the big exception. At supper, I start to nod, and it's clear that an after-supper chore for the kids or just about any activity for me is out of the question. The days when Friday night was the most exciting of the week are long, long gone.
Yesterday, Jonathan left around 3:30 pm for a football game near the Wisconsin border. Paul's team is in a temporary conference this year, and the games are often a great distance from Chicago. Jonathan picked Paul up after the game and drove him to a church retreat in a distant Chicago suburb.
I manned the fort at home with the other five kids. To prepare myself for a strenous Friday evening, I took a long nap in the afternoon. Jonathan had picked up a DVD from Blockbuster, and I shopped for frozen pizza and popcorn. I tried to bribe the kids into better behavior by dangling a reward before them--supper on the living room floor while watching the movie. They failed at improving their behavior, but I wasn't giving up on the movie, which was self-preservation for me!
We set up my laptop on the table at Jonathan's place, and I brought out the pizza. As soon as the movie started, the room was blessedly still and quiet. I was able to do a load of dishes, bake more pizza, prepare more popcorn, and breathe a little easier.
I do not feel in the least bit guilty for using the "idiot box" babysitter!
Readoption
The adoptions of our children all took place in the Ukrainian legal system. We have been encouraged to "readopt" our children in the United States. Now that Kola is here, we can readopt our kids all at once rather than in two installments.
For readoption, an Illinois state court looks at the details of our foreign adoptions and issues new adoption decrees. The new decrees, which are independent from the Ukrainian ones, will state that our children have been adopted in conformity with Illinois state law. A side benefit to the process is that all documents will be issued in English, including our children's birth certificates.
Rewards
On days when the going gets tough, I try to remember good times. Yesterday, David asked me to join him for some television, and I wrapped my arm around him as we snuggled on the couch in a warm blanket. Later that evening, Kola had trouble falling asleep and asked me to put my hand on his shoulder. Within five minutes, his breathing slowed as he drifted off.
It's wonderful to give and receive such blessings.
Italics Mine
Dear Jonathan and Mary,
. . . I was getting ready to close up your file in the near future and would like to know if you completed the children’s readoption this summer. I know you were planning on it when we met a few months ago. Just let me know so I will have an idea what to do with
your very large file.Sincerely,
[our social worker at Lutheran Social Services]
Memories
We asked Kola about his memories of the events that took place a year ago. He told Jonathan some details about the apartment where they stayed the first night.
The bedroom had two twin beds, quite close together. But during the night, Kola heard noises from the adjoining apartment and got scared. He went to Jonathan's bed and crawled in. He told him that the apartment felt very empty.
In orphanages, the sleeping quarters contain many, many beds. It's no wonder Kola felt lonely with only two beds in the room.
More Anniversary Events
Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of Kola leaving the orphange into Jonathan's custody. Here's part of my entry from a year ago:
Jonathan childproofed the apartment, mostly by packing suitcases, and then met one of our taxi drivers, Ihor, who had previously agreed to be on call all day. Jonathan and Ihor ran around town in the taxi, running errands but mostly buying chocolates and flowers and apple juice and bananas. Jonathan arrived at the orphanage for the late afternoon appointment. He signed reams of documents, which our lawyer gave to him and the translator explained. Then Jonathan met Mikola, who was sporting the new clothes Jonathan had previously brought for him. For the first time, Jonathan visited his living quarters, to accompany Mikola during the final goodbyes with his classmates and caretakers.
Mikola's group has approximately twenty-five children, mostly 3½ to 4½ years old. As a 5½-year-old, Mikola stands a head taller than the other children. The children his own age had left the baby orphanage over a year ago, moving four blocks away to the facility for schoolage children where our first five children lived. The director of the baby orphanage had not sent Mikola with his classmates because she knew he would be adopted soon. A double move in quick succession would be very difficult for a young child. Unfortunately, Mikola's adoption was delayed by an entire year, and he waited for what must have seemed an eternity to a little boy.
The children drank apple juice and savored their bananas, which are better than candy to them. Jonathan handed out gifts to the caretakers, and left gifts for the ones who work on a different shift. Tears were shed, for Mikola had been their child for 2½ years. Yet everyone knew that a goodbye was inevitable; if Mikola wasn't adopted, he would have moved on to the next orphanage. There is great joy among the staff members that Mikola is joining a family and being reunited with his brothers and sisters.
The children in Mikola's group then stood in a circle, and he moved slowly from one to the next. Shaking each child's hand, he spoke to them one by one to offer a goodbye: not the "Pakah" that most children say, but the formal words that adults use: "Do pobachena."
Jonathan and Mikola walked to the director's office. This kind lady cared for Mikola for 4½ years, saving him so he could join our family. She clearly loves Mikola as one of her favorites: he would often play in her office while she worked. Jonathan handed the immense bouquet of flowers to Mikola. He was so proud to thank her by giving her flowers, and then he said goodbye. Neither she nor Jonathan could hold back their tears. Jonathan told her that words could not express our thanks at all she had done to care so well for him.
Jonathan and Mikola walked out of the orphanage for the last time. I haven't heard, but I can imagine they might have petted the two orphanage cats who often sit at the door. They walked to the front gate, and this time Mikola walked through instead of watching. Two vehicles waited--Ihor's taxi and the lawyer's private car. The lawyer offered to drive Jonathan and Mikola, so Jonathan thanked Ihor and they all loaded up into the car and drove away.
The lawyer dropped off Jonathan and Mikola at the telephone store in downtown Kirovohrad. Outside the store, Mikola was entranced by the lights that draped some of the trees--he had never seen such a thing. Inside, Jonathan paid money for a telephone booth that had two receivers, so that he could translate. After settling Mikola down, who was playing with the cord on the phone, Jonathan dialed Chicago. After talking with me (more on that in a moment), I passed the phone to my mother and father. "Kola, this is grandma. I love you!" "Kola, this is grandpa. I heard you had a party today . . . ." My parents welcomed their newest grandson, and I beamed.
When I spoke with Kola, I asked how he was doing and we talked a little bit. I then told him I loved him. Then he HAD to tell me something of great import, in more ways than one:
"Mama, I rode in a CAR!!
Everyone is Well Again
Several people have asked me about last week's illness in our family. Everyone was back in school as of last Friday, and David, Jonathan, and I were spared the stomach virus. Now Jonathan and I are playing catchup with the work that got behind due to extra childcare.
Dominoes
Late Sunday night, Kola threw up three times in bed.
Very late on Tuesday night and mid-morning on Wednesday, Adam, Rachel, and Sarah all made it to the bathroom before vomiting.
Wednesday at 3:00 am, Paul woke us with the news that he too had a stomachache. He luckily made it to the bathroom in time.
_______________________________________________
Jonathan, David, and I all get paranoid now whenever our stomach twinges!
