Teaching Moment
It's a constant source of tension between the children that they take each other's belongings without permission. This situation is worsened since they share two bedrooms and therefore have easy access to each other's things.
The kids go to great effort to hide their stuff from harm. Some carry the most precious items in their pockets or backpacks, while others find out-of-the way places for stashing things. I've turned over furniture and found toys perched inside the stuffing, placed there through convenient rips in the upholstery. The cornices above our windows get dusted only once a year, if we're lucky, and a whole host of items can be found there.
Worse, however, is when a child takes something and breaks or otherwise destroys it. When a bottle of the girl's makeup (liquid foundation) was not only taken, but spread over the bedspread, clothing, and the carpet, we had a SITUATION on our hands.
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A few days ago, I walked to our car for a grocery run and discovered that our stereo had been stolen. We filed a police report, but the theft was hours old and the cop told us the chance of recovery was virtually nil. The stereo was original to the 1996 car, and therefore our insurance won't replace it due to a high deductible. So for now, we have no means of playing music in that car.
This morning, upon returning to a regular school schedule, Kola asked me to play his favorite CD--
Mama Mia. "Kola, we can't play music anymore. There's no CD player." After explaining the theft to him, he got very angry that someone had taken our stereo.
"Kola, it feels bad--doesn't it--when someone takes our things without asking? That's how others feel when we take their things without permission!"
"Uncle"
The tantrums are really getting to me. I think it's time to call in some professional help.
Rabbit Food
We sat around the table after a delicious Thanksgiving dinner. Out came two pies, one pumpkin and the other apple. Everyone chose a flavor except Kola.
He frowned. "I don't really want pie."
Knowing that pie is a new American food for him, we didn't insist. But he felt badly that everyone else was eating. Jonathan spied the crudite platters we had provided as an appetizer.
"Kola, would you like some vegetables?"
His face broke into a grin, and he munched down on a sprig of broccoli.
Who's Cooking?
It's a good thing that Jonathan is preparing our Thanksgiving dinner.
Last night, I burned the spaghetti noodles.
Read this Thread Bottom Up
From: Mary Stahlke
To: 'PR4YOUTH'
Sent: Friday, November 20, 2009 1:22 PM
Subject:Ha ha
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From: Pastor Rogers
Sent: Friday, November 20, 2009 11:18 AM
To: 'Mary Stahlke'
Subject: RE: I'm losing my mind!Do you want me to put a note in the bulletin:
“Mind Lost. If found please return to Mary Stahlke”
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From: Mary Stahlke
Sent: Friday, November 20, 2009 10:32 AM
To: 'PR4YOUTH'
Subject: I'm losing my mind!Please ignore my last message. I was looking at the service for Advent I, not Thanksgiving 2008. The pericopes for Thanksgiving all make sense now.
I’m working on too many services at one time—easy to do this time of year.
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From: Mary Stahlke
Sent: Friday, November 20, 2009 9:52 AM
To: 'PR4YOUTH'
Subject: Pericopes for ThanksgivingI’m getting all balled up with this Thanksgiving service. When I changed the epistle to Philippians 4:6-20, as you asked, I noticed that the other readings from last year’s service were not the same as in the LSB altar book. Here are the details:
Last year:
Jeremiah 33:14–16
Philippians 4:6-20
Luke 19:28–40
LSB Altar Book, p. 991:
Deuteronomy 8:1-10
Philippians 4:6-20 or 1 Timothy 2:1-4
Luke 17:11-19
Besides Philippians, which passages would you like?
Novels Again
Relaxing by reading took a big hit when the kids came. For a long time, I managed short passages from the newspaper or TIME magazine, but longer things (what's a book?) remained unreachable.
Similarly, listening to music went out the window. Our house is too noisy, and in the quiet of the car during my commute, doing more than collecting my thoughts was a fantasy. I couldn't bear to add more audio stimulation to my life.
As we enter our fourth year with the kids, however, I'm now able to handle more mental stimulation. Enter books on CD for the car--what a great way to "read" novels! I'm now on my seventh one since August.
Sadness
At bedtime, Kola and I sang a Sunday School song:
Jesus loves me, this I know for the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me, yes, Jesus loves me,
Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.As we finished, Kola's eyes shone with tears, and he said, "Mama, this song makes me sad."
When I asked him why, he didn't know.
Motivation for Dieting
Kola: "Mom, what does 'chubby' mean?"
Mom: "That's when someone weighs too much--is too heavy."
Kola: "Mom, like you?"
Hands In The "Cookie" Jar!
Americans have an ongoing love affair with sugar. Our Ukrainian children have a similar affinity for salt. Two days ago, I caught one kid salting another's hand so they could lick it later. Salty snacks regularly disappear from our pantry.
And this morning, I pulled the gallon jug of dill pickles out of the frig, and unbeknownst to me, someone had neglected to tighten the lid. Pickles and vinegar juice spilled all over the kitchen floor. Luckily, most of it landed on the rubber mat that we use with our portable dishwasher to protect the wood floor.
Someone has been sneaking pickles!
QUESTIONS
Paul wanders into the kitchen and asks me, "What's for dinner, Mom?"
A few minutes later, Adam wanders into the kitchen and asks me, "What's for dinner, Mom?"
A few minutes later, Rachel wanders into the kitchen and asks me, "What's for dinner, Mom?"
A few minutes later, Sarah wanders into the kitchen and asks me, "What's for dinner, Mom?"
A few minutes later, David wanders into the kitchen and asks me, "What's for dinner, Mom?"
A few minutes later, Kola wanders into the kitchen and asks me, "What's for dinner, Mom?"
A few minutes later, Jonathan wanders into the kitchen, and I breathe a sigh of relief. He looks at the food on the stove and doesn't ask me anything.
P.S. Natural Consequences
Our kids adore fruit and will eat it more readily than desserts. In fact, they often turn down cake and sweet bread. So when one of them feigned illness to avoid attending school, we gave them breakfast foods appropriate for an upset stomach--toast and no fruit.
Mystery Reader
I arrived in Kola's classroom one afternoon last May and showed the children what the Cyrillic alphabet looks like. Rather than read this book to them, however (which would have been difficult for them and me), I tackled the following Ukrainian story in English:
After finishing the story, Kola and I posed for a portrait:
Welcome to Our World
Jonathan had waited several hours for the pediatric urologist to return his call. Even though I had attended the appointment with this new doctor, Jonathan had taken over as the "point parent" on the project.
When the phone rang, the unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line asked for Jonathan. My husband began recounting the history of the child's current medical issue, which was long and complicated, involving injury and infection over about a month of time. After three solid minutes of description, the doctor broke in:
"Why are you using so many medical terms? You do know that I'm a psycho-therapist?"
Oops, that was the other practictioner for whom we had left a message!
They ARE Paying Attention
Last summer, a portion of our vacation took place in Yellowstone National Park. The geysers, mud pots, steam vents, and other hydrothermal sites were a big hit with the kids. I especially enjoyed seeing the place on the circle drive where a bubbling stream tumbles into a waterfall right at the caldera, or edge of the volcanic crater, that forms a large part of the park.
Now months later, David, Kola, and I were having a seemingly unrelated conversation about U.S. burial practices. The topic of burial vs. cremation came up, and I was doing my best to explain the differences. One of the boys, trying to understand cremation, asked me if it was like putting the body into a volcano!
Natural Consequences
When lunch sacks and boxes come home after school, they sometimes contain uneaten food. One particular child has returned their vegetables for about two weeks now, and also complains that crackers hurt his/her gums. Jonathan hinted that a trip to the dentist might be needed to solve this problem. We haven't seen crackers or vegetables since, although I'm convinced that they're in file 13 instead of his/her stomach.
Another child managed to stab himself/herself with a pencil yesterday. Imagine the shocked look I saw upon mentioning that a tetanus shot would likely be necessary!
Heaven According to Kola
-playing all the time
-not ever sleeping
Peeling an Onion, Part VI
As Jonathan and I searched for a country, we attended adoption seminars and lectures, and did information interviews with agencies. It became clear fairly quickly that our request for a sibling group raised red flags with the agency representatives. They didn't have confidence that we could handle such an adoption, and "adoption disruptions" (i.e., failures) look very bad on their records.
To turn the conversations more in our favor, we asked one agency representative for a list of qualities she would require for the adoption of a sibling group. We then systematically worked through the list item by item to make ourselves more acceptable as parents of a large number of children.
experience working with childrenJonathan began teaching Sunday School, and I increased my work with young soloists. We also told the agencies about our relationships with nieces and nephews.
knowledge of child developmentWe read lots of books, especially ones by Brazelton.
extended family members living nearby Since none of our family members lived in Illinois, let alone Chicago, we described our church families, both at Concordia and our home congregation.
sufficient financial resources, including DCFS-required bedroom spaceThe income threshold for adopting is not very high, and the square feet of bedroom space in our house that are required for each child allowed us to adopt up to six children.
strong marriage, with good communication skillsJonathan and I view ourselves as a team, and we make sure to talk with each other at breakfast, snack, supper, and before bedtime.
language ability (the least important requirement, according to the agenciesBefore adopting in 2005, we attended weekly tutoring sessions in Ukrainian for six months. Being in the country itself improved our skills greatly, and then having the children in our house provided lots of practice, albeit only in "kid" vocabulary!
Another Why?
Our children love to hide somewhere and then jump out to scare us. Why do kids take such delight in this?
Contagion
A week of Halloween candy at snack time:
Monday:
"Sarah, if you don't sit at the table normally, you can't eat your snack."
Tuesday:
"Sarah, if you don't sit at the table normally, you can't eat your snack."
Wednesday:
"Sarah, if you don't sit at the table normally, you can't eat your snack."
Thursday:
"Sarah, you're not sitting at the table normally, so you can't eat your snack."
[
ranting and stomping, just like Kola]
I predict that Sarah will sit very normally tomorrow!
Lutheran or Anglican?
Our family does devotions after supper each night, with Jonathan reading a Bible passage and saying a prayer, and all of us singing the first stanza of a hymm. Jonathan and I usually choose a hymn that will be used in a future worship service. That means that for several weeks we sang "Lord, Keep Us Steadfast" for Reformation Sunday (Oct. 25) and "For All the Saints" for All Saints' Day (Nov. 1). By the end of October, the children knew the words of these two hymn stanzas quite well.
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As with other parenting challenges, Jonathan and I experiment with different approaches to see what will work. After two weeks of tantrums, I decided a few days ago to cradle a screaming Kola and sing "For All the Saints" to him. It definitely settled him down, and he quickly started singing with me. The next day found me holding him again, trying "Lord, Keep Us Steadfast" to calm his yells.
The text of "Lord, Keep Us Steadfast," written by Martin Luther, starts:
Lord, keep us steadfast in Your Word;
Curb those who by deceit or sword
Would wrest the kingdom from Your Son
And bring to naught all he has done.The tune (ERHALT UNS, HERR) is based on a 12th-century chant, and the reformer himself may have revised the melody to its current form. The tune is both modal and rhythmically regular (like the chant on which it is based), thus giving it a strong, severe sound that matches the text well.
In contrast, "For All the Saints" begins:
For all the saints who from their labors rest,
Who Thee by faith before the world confessed,
Thy name, O Jesus, be forever blest.
Alleluia! alleluia!SINE NOMINE is the tune composed for this text by Ralph Vaughn Williams, the leading figure in English church music during the first half of the 20th century. His compositions reflect his extensive study of English folksongs, and SINE NOMINE is eminently tonal and marches triumphantly with a running bass line in the organ pedal part.
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So who won? Luther or Vaughn Williams?
Poor Luther! Kola just held his hands over his ears and screamed louder!
Halloween
A karate devil, Superman, an M&M, and our neighbor, a piratess.
Never Ends
Many parents have told us that children watch the current state of family dynamics and wait until it's safe before acting out. So . . . now that's Kola doing much better since Halloween is past, another child has taken his place with the yelling, anger, and throwing. At least it's only one kid at a time.
Why?
All day yesterday, Kola exhibited tantrum after tantrum. Jonathan called them rages. We've been trying to figure out why. Was he upset by a fairly new experience? (He had only gone trick-or-treating once before.) Was he afraid to go? Or was something else going on? It wasn't sugar, since he hadn't collected any candy yet.
I kept him close to me, in case the issue was attachment-related. If he yelled or threw things, he remained in the bathroom while I worked in the adjacent kitchen. When he became calm enough to sit quietly, I allowed him to move into the kitchen and sit on the floor near me. Then he'd get mad again, and I'd put him back in the bathroom. We alternated this dance about four times.
He finally settled down, and we eventually went trick-or-treating with David and Sarah. The rest of the evening was fine, even fun, although Mom and Dad were pretty worn out.
