The Trusty Timer
While writing my dissertation, entire days of solitary, unstructured work stretched before me. It was easy to become paralyzed at the enormity of the task, but my professor offered some useful advice: “Partition your day into different activities. Also, change venues now and then. Both of these techniques will help you stay focused.” To accomplish these suggestions, I used a kitchen timer that my aunt in Colorado had given me. It was an effective tool to remind me to change tasks or locations.
I’ve used this kitchen timer a lot with the children, too. Many of their school activities are timed, such as reading or practicing their musical instrument. And with six children, the timer helps me to know when a child’s PSP or PS2 allotment is finished. (For the uninitiated, like me in our pre-kids era, these acronyms mean “Play Station Portable” and “Play Station 2.”) The timer is such a vital tool for me that one of the kids briefly stole it when he/she wanted revenge for perceived unfair discipline.
This morning, I tried using the timer to solve an intractable morning problem—tardiness. Jonathan leaves for Grace with the three older kids, and it is my task to shepherd the younger three to Garfield. Actually, better words would be cajole, push, wheedle, pester, coerce, persuade, and entice. I won’t bore you with the details of my past schemes, but I do rejoice over the one that worked today. I set the timer at 7:30, 7:45, and 8:00, with advance warning for breakfast, teeth-brushing, and walking to the car, respectively. It worked like a charm! The timer took the onus off of me.
Now I have another challenge. I’m alone with the three younger children only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when Jonathan and the older kids leave early for band rehearsal. While Jonathan was interested to hear that the timer was so effective, he asked me not to use it when he is home. The ticking of the timer drives him crazy. That’s one disadvantage of having a composer for a husband--his acute sense of hearing. I’ll have to put on my thinking cap to solve this one, since I very much want that timer for the three younger kids!
Memory Lane, Continued
During their initial days in our home, our younger children all expressed fear of our dogs Alabama and Dakota. Rachel, Sarah, and David shrank back against the nearest wall as the dogs walked past, and Dakota's bark sent Kola running for the highest piece of furniture he could find. Their apprehension was explained when Paul told us how appalling it felt to him that the dogs slept in the house. The proper place for all animals (which aren't that clean) was outdoors. It didn't help that Alabama and Dakota started shedding shortly after the kids arrived!
Over time, they children have come to love the dogs. In fact, when the five kids chose gifts for Kola in Ukraine, several of them had a "dog" theme. For example, David sent his favorite DVD (
Snowdogs ) which features huskies like our Dakota. Even Bama had markings that looked somewhat like a "snowdog."
This morning, three and a half years after the adoption, I heard another reason why the children initially feared our dogs. Sarah told me that on their farm in Ukraine, she had actually seen wolves chase their sheep. She continued: "Mom, when we first came to our house in Chicago, there were two wolves inside. I was afraid that they'd chase ME!"
Changes Big and Small
The kids continue to grow, as kids are prone to do. And the fuel that supports that growth must change, as well:
Last night, I decided to make extra rice for supper to stash some away in the freezer for a future pot of soup. Until now, three cups of dry uncooked rice have made enough for everyone, so I measured four cups to give some extra. At supper, the children devoured it all and asked for more. Costco, here I come.
Kola has always complained that his milk is too cold, and we have obliged him by heating his glass in the microwave. Even so, it's the last thing he drinks, and in the morning rush before school, he downs it in a maddeningly slow manner. Two days ago, for the first time, he emptied his (cold) milk glass into his cereal. Thank goodness for another step of acculturation!
Colors
Many schools use a system of colored cards for discipline. Each child starts the day with a green card, and upon some infraction they pull a yellow or red card depending on the severity of the offense. At times, they can also earn back a better card, so pulling a red card doesn't mean the end of incentives for good behavior.
If Kola's teacher reports that he stayed on green all day, I give him a big hug and a piece of candy. If his card was yellow, we talk together with the teacher about what happened that day. A red card means a nap at home that afternoon, which he really dislikes.
These three colors have also entered his vocabulary as useful terms in their own right. For example, the words "average," "middle-of-the-road," and "medium" are beyond him, but "yellow" works nicely:
"How long will you be gone at the store? Long time?" [
two fingers spread wide] "Short time?" [
fingers close together]
"Yellow?" [
fingers positioned about two inches apart]
For Kola, a beautiful red flower is
bahani (bad) and an ordinary but green sticker on the wall is
dushe dobre (very good). I've seen him favor green crayons over red and yellow ones!
I have a question for you artists out there.
Does this worry you?
To KTB and Pastor Rogers
Thanks for your helpful comments!
The Real Mom
I continue to get irritated when people refer to the children's birth mother as their "real mom." What does that make me? Their "fake mom"? The question is usually phrased in a whisper, "So, what happened to their real mom?" At least most people have the courtesy to ask quietly, for this question really bothers the children. It is, however, never asked out of hostility, but curiosity.
(Another question is "How much did the adoption cost?" At least that's better than one I've seen in the adoption literature: "How much did the children cost?" The best response I've heard, if it's not a close friend, is to ask the amount of the hospital bill when their biological child was born.)
_________________
Yesterday, I arrived on the school playground a few minutes late. David's class was already at the door, and his teacher was waiting for me before releasing him. He told me later that he kept telling her that I had arrived, and she would tease him that he was seeing his imaginary mom. When I actually appeared, he told her with a grin that his "real mom" was ready to pick him up! That made me smile, too!
Hope Amid Sorrow
A friend and colleague of mine lost her husband this week. For the funeral this morning, she and her family chose a beautiful passage from the Gospel of John. Here is a portion of that reading (John 14:1-3):
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you.
I am going to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
The Difference a Week Makes
Last Thursday evening, the temperature in Chicago was -16 degrees (that's fahrenheit, not centigrade!). Tonight, we are enjoying a low of +24 degrees. Even for this Texan, the weather today feels balmy.
Doubles
I have an “every woman” face. About twice a year, perfect strangers will approach Jonathan and me to comment that they have a friend or relative that look so much like me that they could be my sister. After years of this, Jonathan just grins, and I restrain myself from telling them that these resemblance questions happen all the time.
In addition, if I refrain from speaking, many people don’t think I’m American. In Ukraine and Germany, I’ve passed quite easily as a local. Hong Kong was a different story, but even there, many people thought I was British.
___
Certain words in Ukrainian have a broader meaning than their counterparts in English. For example,
babuschka signifies “older woman,” and its diminutive
babka means “Grandma.” But our children often use both terms to mean “older woman”; for example, if we’re downtown and they see a white-haired woman walking down the street, even in English they’ll call her a “grandma.” The same situation exists for the word
mama, which the kids use to address me as well as any other female caretaker.
___
People tell me that my sister and I bear a striking resemblance to each other. Jonathan just smiles at those comments, too. During her recent visit, she and I attended the FRUA winter banquet along with six of our combined children. (FRUA is a support organization serving “Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption.”) Because we took a long time to register, check our coats, and make the obligatory bathroom stop, we arrived late and could not sit together at one table. My sister found a place with four of the children, and I sat elsewhere with Kola and David.
During the entertainment portion of the event, Kola's attention span wavered, and he looked for something else to do. He pointed across the room at my sister and asked if he could sit with her for awhile:
“Mama, ja hochish drua mama!”
(
Mama, I want the second mama!)
An Important Conjunction
Kola's acquisition of English is picking up momentum by the day. Periodically, he states a Ukrainian word and then adds the English equivalent, as if to remind himself that they mean the same thing.
About a week ago, he pulled his blanket over his head as he was falling asleep. Then he invited me to join him there, stretching the blanket to fit over both of us.
"Kola y Mama."
"Kola and Mama."
Cousins
My sister Anne arrived last night from Virginia with her two young children. Her son Benjamin is only two months older than Kola, and both boys have eagerly anticipated meeting a cousin that's their same gender and age. Most of their cousins are several years older.
At the airport, Benjamin and Kola looked curiously at each other and then shook hands. Then the older kids, who already know Benjamin, swarmed him and his sister. Kola stood for a moment, and then pushed his way into the crowd. A few minutes later, as we started walking to the baggage carousel, the two boys walked side by side, holding hands.
Some Things Never Change
When I was a teenager, I didn't like Valley Girl. At all.
I still don't.
Did You Know?
If you are waiting for money at an ATM and get distracted (i.e., disciplining children), the machine pulls the money back inside. Your receipt, however, reflects that you received it.
The bank waits until the end of the day to see if their accounts are off by the amount of your missed withdrawal. The money is then credited back to your account after several days and a large amount of paperwork.
Moral: Ignore the kids (at least for a while)!
Encouragement
"Come unto Me, ye weary, and I will give you rest."
O blessed voice of Jesus, which comes to hearts oppressed!
It tells of benediction, of pardon, grace, and peace,
Of joy that hath no ending, of love that cannot cease.
"Come unto Me, ye wand'rers, and I will give you light."
O loving voice of Jesus, which comes to cheer the night!
Our hearts were filled with sadness, and we had lost our way;
But Thou hast brought us gladness and songs at break of day.
"Come unto Me, ye fainting, and I will give you life."
O cheering voice of Jesus, which comes to aid our strife!
The foe is stern and eager, the fight is fierce and long;
But Thou hast made us mighty and stronger than the strong.
"And whosoever cometh, I will not cast him out."
O patient love of Jesus, which drives away our doubt,
Which, though we be unworthy of love so great and free,
Invites us very sinners to come, dear Lord, to Thee!
-
Lutheran Service Book, Hymn No. 684
Update in the Lutheran Witness
The online version of the January
Lutheran Witness carries an update on Kola's adoption, as well as a family photo:
http://www.lcms.org/pages/wPage.asp?ContentID=464&IssueID=29
The Train
Two days after Christmas, we all boarded the train for an overnight ride to Texas. Each of the kids carried their suitcase, as well as a backpack full of toys. Upon entering the train, the children all explored their surroundings, with Kola pushing every button that he could find.
After traveling for a while, Kola asked me when we would get to Texas. I explained to him that we would arrive after sleeping, and his face assumed quite a quizzical expression. There's no way to learn about distances in the U.S. except by actually experiencing them.
He kept talking about the soldier ("soldat"). I didn't remember that he had brought toy soldiers in his backpack. When I asked him about it, he pointed to the man in the uniform--the train conductor!
Kola's Question
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
“Cho-mu?”
(Why?)
Mama’s usual answer, due to her limited Ukranian skills and strong survival instinct:
“I don’t know.”
Papa's answer, which has slowed the rate of Kola's question:
"Cho-mu ne?"
New New Year's Resolutions
January is the start of birthday season for our family. All eight of them land in the first (long) half of the year from January to August. I like it that way, since there’s a reprieve in the fall semester from making cakes and cupcakes and taking kids shopping for gifts. My own birthday in early January is the first one, closely followed by Jonathan’s four days later. Since our birthdays, English Christmas, New Year’s, and Ukrainian Christmas (January 7) all fall within a three-week period, our family has ample opportunity for celebration at this time of year.
As Jonathan and I lay in bed last night, I told him that 2009 was quite different from the last three years. It was time now for a new birthday wish and a new New Year’s resolution. He agreed with me, and I learned that both of us had spent six of our past wishes and resolutions on Kola’s adoption. What a joy that they came true!
