Conflict Averted
I read some more articles today on the Internet, which clarified for me what's been going on in Ukraine the last few days. The deployment of troops to Kiev actually occurred late last week, and they were blocked from entering the city. The potential for conflict seemed to have made all of the parties involved readier to negotiate, and over the weekend the President and Prime Minister agreed on a date for elections--Sept. 30. Parliament has not been able to pass legislation yet that will cover the details of running the elections, but I'm assuming they will continue debating those issues.
The stress of the past week's events has been high. The Interior Minister, who I mentioned in my last blog, suffered a heart attack Wednesday, and his condition is unknown.
Please continue your prayers for all involved, and especially for peace.
___
source: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/6706615.stm
Some Sobering Political Developments
I read an article about Ukraine politics today that concerns me a lot. If you want to read the whole article, see topix.net/world/Ukraine
After the President fired the Prosecutor General last week, riot police loyal to the Prime Minister moved to protect him in case he got fired, too. The riot police scuffled with security officers loyal to the President.
On May 30, Parliament ruled that the firing of the Prosecutor General was illegal, directly defying the President's power to do so.
In the meantime, one of the head army commanders has moved troops based all over Ukraine to Kiev. The army commander did this against the orders of his superior, the Interior Minister. The army commander is an ally of the President, while the Interior Minister is associated with the Prime Minister.
Please keep Ukraine in your prayers, that these problems can be solved in a peaceful manner.
An Outing
First--no word yet about our dossier. But life goes on back here in Chicago . . .
I am staying at church after the late service for a colleague's retirement dinner. So Jonathan has the kids on his own for the afternoon. He much prefers going somewhere with them rather than staying at home, which is my preference. So he and the kids came to early service and Sunday School, and now they are headed to the lakefront (Lake Michigan). He's taking them there because it's close to the Univ. of Chicago, where a Sacred Harp sing is taking place today. Jonathan told the kids that for only 30 minutes at the Sacred Harp sing, they can have a couple of hours at the lakefront. That's not a bribe, is it?
In a Sacred Harp sing, about 100 people sit in a square formation, with each voice part facing the middle. They sing four-part harmony a cappella with a gusto that is seldom heard elsewhere. First-time visitors get to stand in the middle of the square, only a foot or two from the front row of each voice part. The effect is astounding. I'm not sure that Jonathan will get all the kids in the middle, but even from the edges it's a great experience. The kids are a little apprehensive, but I think they'll go through with it. Then it's on to the lake.
More Unrest
First of all, no word yet from Masha.
I saw an article on the Internet today that the Ukrainian president has fired the chief prosecutor--for the second time. The prosecutor was fired some years ago for not moving fast enough on the poisoning investigation in which the president almost died. He is still severely disfigured from it.
Now the president fired the prosecutor for being simultaneously a member of Parliament. The prosecutor is allied with the prime minister, so all of this has created a big political problem.
For more info, see:
heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID/20070524/API/705241608
Still Waiting
Jonathan talked to Darlene Monday. Masha had Emailed her over the weekend that she had an appointment on Monday to turn in our dossier. We haven't heard yet what happened. Darlene told us that whenever Masha does adoption work in Kiev for LSS, she must travel several hours by train from her home in Kharkiv (on the eastern border of Ukraine).
FRUA and CHEER
Yesterday, Jonathan attended a lecture at the home of a FRUA member in a distant Chicago suburb. FRUA, which stands for "Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption," was founded in 1993, about the time that the number of adoptions in Eastern Europe started to take off. The national office of FRUA publishes an excellent quarterly newsletter, with research articles on behavioral issues, language acquisition, attachment, etc. FRUA also maintains local chapters, and our family attended a wonderful "Grandfather Frost" event last winter.
Jonathan made the trip to hear the lecture while I stayed home with the kids. We had planned for several weeks to watch a parade yesterday from the home of church friends. But the busy Little League schedule has been taxing on the kids (as well as the parents), and most of them were showing some marked regression in behavior. In their state of mind yesterday, I couldn't imagine keeping the kids corraled by myself amidst all the excitement of a parade! So we spent a quiet afternoon at home to recover, followed by some swimming at our familiar YMCA to burn off their excess energy. By Sunday night, things were much calmer, and they could face the week a little more grounded.
The lecture that Jonathan attended focused on adoptees' return trips to Europe to visit their former orphanages and/or reconnect with birth families. Among the families attending the talk, the most common situation was the adoption of an infant whose birth family had several older children and for whom rearing another baby was beyond their means. In these cases, the child was too young to have any language ability or memories. Yet, they often have birth parents and older siblings still together as a family unit in Russia or Eastern Europe. Sometimes, the trips back were solely for the child to see the orphanage, but in a few cases, the children also met their birth families. There are organizations available to do the research to find the birth families, especially since all the records are in Russian or other foreign languages. The trips themselves also require facilitators and translators, since the journey is often to remote areas, and the adoptees and adoptive parents seldom speak the language of their birth families.
I've always read that the impetus for a return trip needs to come from the adoptee and not the adoptive parent, which makes a lot of sense to me. Our own children have expressed relief that they won't be traveling with us to Ukraine to pick up Kola. I think they are apprehensive they wouldn't be allowed to return to the U.S. In fact, they might even be afraid that Jonathan and I will be held back permanently in Ukraine. While the children know that we are a forever family, and that they are our children, some fears are too deep to be explained away even with our assurances.
But when Jonathan described a few details of the FRUA lecture to them, their reaction was not as negative as I had expected. Neutrality is often a good thing, since it means a lack of strong feelings against something. Their willingness to listen made me think that they will want to visit Ukraine again sometime in the future.
Besides FRUA, the Chicago area has another support group for families like ours--CHEER, which is "Children of Eastern European Regions." We haven't been very active in either FRUA or CHEER, for we just don't have time. But if you're interested in more info, see their websites:
frua.org
cheerchicago.org
Waiting
Jonathan called Darlene, and there is no news yet from Masha. I also check two websites every day--the Kiev Post and the US Embassy in Kiev. Neither one has had much change for several days. So we're in a holding pattern. When I hear something, I'll let you know.
Comfort Food
This morning, Jonathan and I met for our weekly scheduling meeting. He likes these meetings, since we finally have time together to talk through issues. I, on the other hand, always leave depressed because I'm reminded of the multitude of things that are on our plate. The first six months after the kids came, I'd be in tears by the end of the session. Now, it's been better but still hard.
After our meeting, Jonathan left for a doctor's appointment, and I drove to work at church. On the way, I stopped at a local White Hen, which is a convenience store with pretty good coffee. To make myself feel better, I picked up a sweet roll with icing, and a decaf with a little vanilla bean coffee for flavor. A few minutes after arriving at church, Jonathan telephoned me to say he had seen the doctor, but had then locked his keys in the car. Could I come let him into the car? Luckily, the doctor's office is pretty close to church.
As I drove, he telephoned again to say that it was cold, so he'd wait in the White Hen across the street from the doctor's office. When I arrived, he walked out carrying a sweet roll with icing and a cup of coffee. I had to know--what kind of coffee had he bought?
Decaf and vanilla bean!
"Siblings Left Behind"
Someone forwarded me an article from USAToday about adopted children who have siblings, usually older, who are still in the child's country of origin. There are several groups in the US trying to reunite these siblings, either by helping with genealogical searches, changing US immigration law, or directly helping families to visit or adopt.
The story features a 13-year-old named Ruslan, who was adopted four years ago from Russia. When his birth mother died, his two older brothers were adopted by a relative in Russia, while Ruslan was placed in an orphanage and lived there for years. His older sister Olga visited him in the orphanage all that time, while she herself earned a living by sweeping floors. Her living situation is dire, and she has been quite ill. When nine-year-old Ruslan was adopted, he couldn't tell his parents about Olga because he didn't speak English. They found out about her right at the end of his adoption proceedings, and have been trying to adopt her ever since. But she can't get a visa from the US government, because she doesn't have enough education for a student visa, and a tourist visa requires more financial resources than she has. If she does not enter the US by age 22, which is next week (May 25), Arizona law forbids Ruslan's parents from adopting her. His parents are trying to get a special kind of visa for her called "humanitarian parole," which is granted for a "compelling emergency," such as medical care. They feel her health is poor enough that she should qualify. Their first application was rejected, but they have tried again. A room in their home is ready for her, painted in light blue and white, her favorite colors. They feel strongly that Olga and Ruslan need each other: "These two will seek each other out for the rest of their lives."
Our social worker has told us that the decision, yes or no, to adopt siblings of one's children is more common than one might think. She has had many families face this choice. Each situation is different, and the decision is often a difficult one. One factor is the degree of attachment between the siblings--some know each other well, while others have never met. In either situation, however, knowing one's siblings can answer some questions about the birth family, which is sometimes an area of great concern for adoptees. I've also read that sibling relationships are often the longest-lasting relationships in a person's life, and there has been a growing move in adoption circles to keep siblings together.
If you want to read the article about Ruslan and Olga, the website is:
usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-04-08-siblings-adoption_N.htm?csp=34
Is It Wrong?
Monday, May 143:00 Practice--Track and Field (Ruslan)
4:00 Practice--Softball (Luda)
5:00 Practice--Baseball (Ruslan)
5:45 Away Game--Softball (Lena)
Tuesday, May 154:30 Practice--Baseball (Bogdan)
5:30 Home Game--Baseball (Misha)
6:00 Practice--Baseball (Ruslan)
Wednesday, May 163:00 Practice--Track and Field (Ruslan)
5:00 Practice--Softball (Lena)
5:30 Home Game--Softball (Luda)
8:00 Away Game--Baseball (Ruslan)
___________________________________
Is it wrong to pray for rain?
"The Real Mom"
"Do you have kids of your own?" "What happened to their real parents?"
Yes, we have five kids of our own. Adopted children are treated the same under the law as biological children. And Jonathan and I are not fake parents--we're living and breathing, just like all other parents. We do all the many things that parents do--love our children, enjoy them, care for them, discipline them, drive them, attend their games and concerts, etc., etc.
It's amazing how often we hear these kinds of questions. And a few times, they've come our way even though the kids are with us! That's quite painful and awkward, especially for the children. The questions have always come from well-meaning people who really care but don't realize the implications of what they are saying. I could snap back with a sarcastic remark, but it's obvious the questioners don't mean to be hostile. So, I usually tell them that we didn't have any biological children before we adopted our five kids. And I say that the children's situation in Ukraine was very complicated--so far, everyone has taken that as a signal that the topic is off limits. The children's story is their story, not mine, and they can choose in the future with whom they will share it.
Every adopted child has at least two sets of parents--birth parents and adoptive parent(s)--with whom the child must reconcile similarities and differences to become a healthy, independent adult. For example, an important developmental goal for teenagers is to differentiate oneself from one's parents. Adopted children must do this with two sets of parents, not one. And even in the case where there is no contact with the birth parents, the child still must psychologically work out these issues. Having no contact doesn't mean that the memories and ideas about the birth parents aren't there. Our older children have very specific memories of their birth parents, and the younger children have added their older siblings' stories to their own less specific memories. In addition, the younger children have fantasized things about their birth parents to fill the gaps in their own memories. All of this is perfectly normal, according to the adoption literature.
The unseen presence of the birth parents is manifested in adopted children in many ways. One example has been described at length, both by the literature and by our counselors:
All children become experts at learning the issues that bother their parents and then pushing those buttons. We've been warned that almost all adopted children will at some time use the phrase "You're not my real mom/dad" when they are angry or trying to get their way.
Several months ago, one of our children refused to stop fighting with another sibling, even though I specifically demanded an end to the fight. Ordinarily when I request a change of behavior from one of the kids, I allow a cool-off period so they can think about what I've requested. This situation, however, required an immediate end to the undesired behavior. I physically blocked the fight from continuing, although I was careful not to use corporal punishment. (We learned in our foster care training that corporal punishment is not allowed for any child, let alone ones from difficult backgrounds.) Even though the physical part of the fight was over, the verbal part continued, right in my face--"Don't touch me!" and "You can't tell me what to do!" I retorted, "I'm your mom, and you have to listen to me!" I waited tensely for what I figured was the inevitable reply: "You're not my real mom, and I don't have to listen to you!"
With the child's eyes blazing at me, and our faces only inches apart, he/she screamed at me: "YOU MAY BE MY MOM, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU!" Suddenly, my whole being was filled with joy, even in the midst of such intense conflict.
I am a real mom.
Mother's Day
I spent many years waiting for the Mother's Day when our kids would be home. And I'm still waiting, for Mikola. I'm not alone, however--many people wait, or choose to mother children in other ways. About 10% of all couples face infertility--that's a lot of people. Many men and women feel they cannot discuss this issue with anyone, but when you face it yourself it's amazing how many people open up and talk about it with someone who shares the problem.
Many women who are otherwise regular church goers choose not to attend church on Mother's Day because it is too painful. Over the years, I've asked various pastors to acknowledge both the joy and the pain of Mother's Day in the prayers of the worship service. RESOLVE, the international support group for people facing infertility, offers a guide for clergy which explains the issue and offers suggestions for prayers on Mother's Day and Father's Day. The Illinois chapters of RESOLVE purposely offer their yearly conference on the weekend of Mother's Day.
The website for RESOLVE is:
resolve.org
The address for the clergy letter is:
resolve.org/site/Pageserver?pagename=cop_mis_cwh_ltc
Elaboration
We met with Wendy, our social worker, for two hours yesterday. It was actually her first time to see our house with almost no cleanup, since we've had a very full week of other activities. The smoke detectors and water temperature were acceptable, and we found out that as of January 1, all foster homes must have carbon monoxide detectors within 15 feet of each bedroom. We'll be adding some to our supply soon.
We did get caught again, however, on boxes in the upstairs hall, which is close to the children's bedrooms. The boxes mostly contain Christmas decorations and luggage that are waiting to enter the crawl space (our version of an attic). But there are so many toys in front of the crawl space door that I haven't been encouraged at all to put the boxes away. We've always made sure, however, that there is adequate walking space down the center of the hall, so I didn't understand why Wendy was so concerned.
She explained to us, which makes sense, that if there is a fire at night, all electric lights would likely be out. If a child is trying to find their way down a hall in the dark, they would not walk straight. Instead, they would probably be using their arms to feel their way and could knock over anything that is loose (like our boxes). Their way out of the house might then be slowed down, or worse, completely blocked, at a time when speed is of the essence.
One other clarification from my last post--
Adoptive parents are not required to have a licensed foster home as long as both parents travel overseas for the adoption. Most couples do plan to travel together. But occasionally either the mother or the father becomes ill at the last minute and cannot travel. If only one of two parents travel, the paperwork for the U.S. government requires that the home be licensed as a foster home. Therefore, to cover all the bases, Wendy advises all her adoptive parents to get their home licensed.
Home Inspection
Wendy Ince, who is our social worker at LSS-Illinois, is coming to our home today for a two-hour visit. We invited her for a discussion of our upcoming trip to Ukraine. She is going to do double duty by also inspecting our house, which happens every six months. As adoptive parents in Illinois, our house is required to be a licensed foster home. When the entire adoption process is finished, we can drop the license after another year or two.
The inspection involves only a few things. She checks that all our smoke detectors work properly, one on each floor. She also measures the temperature of our tap water, which should be approximately 115 degrees Fahrenheit. In general, the house must be safe for children. For example, she commented one time that we needed to move some boxes in the upstairs hall because they might block the children's exit if we had a fire.
On our first inspection or two, I spent the better part of the day cleaning. Now, I'm lucky to just put new batteries in the smoke detectors. Fortunately, the amount of everyday clutter isn't part of the inspection. My counselor has told me to lower my housekeeping standards--well, they are definitely relaxing!
Our Story Goes Public
Last fall, Darlene of LSS-New England visited Chicago to attend a LAN conference--the Lutheran Adoption Network, which is a group of Lutheran social work agencies and organizations. Darlene received a big award and was featured as a speaker. Before her talk, she met all seven of us for breakfast. While we had spoken with her by phone countless times, it was our first time to meet her in person. She was wonderful with the kids, and we had a great time with her. When we drove her back to the hotel, right before her speech, several of her colleagues were hanging out, hoping to catch a glimpse of the kids. She had been talking about us, and later we found out it wasn't just informally, but also in the text of her speech.
LAN picked up our story from this contact and put it on their website (which I've given in a previous post). They also contacted the
Lutheran Witness, which is the national magazine for laypeople of the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod (analogous to the
Lutheran in the ELCA). On March 16, one of the
Lutheran Witness editors flew to Chicago for the day to interview us. Paula Ross was so warm and inviting with us and the children that it took away my anxieties about being interviewed. She and Chicago photographer Jamie Wier, who is a personal friend of ours, were great people with whom to work.
We had planned to surprise Jonathan's family, who have been LCMS members and clergy for generations, by having them receive their May copy of the
Lutheran Witness in the mail and open it to see us. But just days ago, Paula called to ask us if we'd speak this morning for a Lutheran radio show in St. Louis. We waited until this morning, hoping the
Lutheran Witness would arrive in the Austin mailboxes. When we hadn't heard, we had to scrap the surprise angle, because we wanted to give the family the chance to hear us on the radio.
Jonathan and I met in the phonathon room at Concordia, in the basement of a men's dormitory. Luckily, since the sememster is over, it was very quiet. We each had a separate telephone and telephone line on opposite ends of the room, and we worked out a signal system (raise your hand to speak, point at the other person to pass). At 9:00 am, our phones each rang to get set up, and five minutes later we were on the air live. I was nervous (Jonathan is the public speaker, while my strengths are more in writing), but we've answered a lot of questions about the adoption over the last many years, and so we prayed about it and then just dove in. The twenty-five minutes seemed to fly by until suddenly the closing music came on to signal the time to wrap up.
I hope that telling our story gives other people the courage to consider adoption, if that is the path they feel called to take. It's been a great blessing for us, and the joys have outbalanced the fears.
A trailer for the
Lutheran Witness article can be found at:
lcms.org/pages/witness.asp
The article is titled "Full House, Full Hearts."
FYI, the photo on the home page was taken on August 18, 2005, just minutes after we became a family and also on our fifteenth wedding anniversary.
I've been told that the radio show will be archived, probably by tomorrow:
kfuo.org
You may have to install some media software on your computer to hear it, but I did so this afternoon, and it didn't take too long.
Update from Darlene
Two days ago, Jonathan telephoned Darlene at LSS of New England, who had received an Email from Masha in Kyiv with an update on our dossier. Appointments to turn in dossiers are very difficult to come by, and there is intense competition among faciliators to gain the coveted appointments. Masha has not yet been able to submit our dossier, but she is now hoping to do so next week.
Four Mothers
Lena and Misha periodically say something about their "mother" that I don't recall happening. In these cases, it usually means that they are remembering the other mothers in their lives:
The children call their birth mother their "Ukrainian mom." The last time they saw her, Lena was five years old, and Misha was four. They were old enough to remember quite a bit about her, and even when they don't remember, the stories from the older children feel like memories to them.
I, of course, am their "American mom."
Both Lena and Misha also talk a lot about their "German moms." In the summer of 2005, right before we adopted them, a group of young children from their orphanage spent several weeks at a gymnastics camp in Germany. I don't know if a benefactor paid for the trip, or if it was funded through Ukrainian or German government sources. The children traveled on buses from Ukraine to a small town in Germany. From my own summer travels in Germany and Ukraine, I know how green and beautiful such a drive must have been for them.
The children attended sports camp during the day, and at night stayed with host families. Lena and Misha resided in different homes that were within walking distance from each other. Lena has told me that her German mom spoke Ukrainian, although her German dad did not. She has also described her "German brother" to me. Lena and Misha talk about visiting each other's families and finding different toys in the two houses. Periodically, they are describing a toy that is in OUR house in Forest Park, so it's impossible to know where the memory of Germany ends and their current life begins.
In August 2005, when we left Ukraine to bring the children to the U.S., our flight plan included a stopover in the Frankfurt, Germany airport. The gangways on which you walk to enter the plane are made of glass, which gives an incredible view of the airport on all sides. The Frankfurt airport is one of the largest in Europe, and is high-tech in every way. And because we were taking an international flight, all the planes in our area were huge. As the children stopped to look in amazement at the view, six-year-old Misha struggled to comprehend it. Turning to me, he said almost sadly, "This is not MY Germany."
"Approval of Early [Ukrainian] Elections Ends Political Crisis"
This wonderful headline greeted me on Saturday when I read the Chicago Trib. Last Friday, Ukraine's Prime Minister dropped his opposition to early parliamentary elections. This ended four weeks of political fighting between his party and the President's party. Both sides agreed that the best way to solve the dispute was to hold democratic elections in two months.
If you want to read the Chicago Trib article, see:
chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-0705041713may05,1,7688362.story
East and West
A little historical background on the current political crisis in Ukraine--
The Dnieper River flows from north to south right through the middle of Ukraine before ending in the Black Sea. If you face south, the east side is called the right bank and the west side is called the left bank. Kyiv lies on the Dnieper River, and the view over the river from the east toward the golden church domes on the west side is spectacular.
The western half of Ukraine is primarily Ukrainian-speaking, and many people worship in the Ukrainian Catholic Church, which is affiliated with Rome but not directly under them. The eastern half of Ukraine is mostly Russian-speaking, and many people belong to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church, which is connected to the Russian Orthodox Church in Moscow. Over the centuries, Ukraine has been ruled by many other countries, for its relatively flat lands do not provide natural barriers to invasion. The western half of Ukraine has had much more contact with the Roman Catholic countries of Poland and Austria, while the eastern half of Ukraine has usually been affiliated with Russia.
These divisions are very present today, as President Yushchenko firmly supports ties with Europe, while Prime Minister Yanukovych leans toward Russia. The extent of the controversy extends to some of the most basic parts of life. For example, the Ukrainian and Russian languages are very similar (like Spanish and Portuguese) but use different spellings. So Ukraine's capital city can be spelled Kyiv (Ukrainian) or Kiev (Russian). We faced these spelling issues when we first met our children. I reported in my earlier posts that our second child's name is Bohdan (the Ukrainian spelling). But we eventually found out that he prefers Bogdan (the Russian spelling). And we've found out that our children, who lived in the geographical center of Ukraine, speak a mixture of the Ukrainian and Russian languages.
That Baseball Song
Last Saturday morning, we all attended the opening ceremony for Little League season in Forest Park. The children were bouncing off the walls on Friday and early Saturday, most of them not sure what was coming but figuring it would be fun. All the teams gathered on the main ballfield, and they heard the national anthem, listened to speeches by various dignitaries, and saw the first pitch by the mayor.
Ever since then, we've been in a swirl of practices and games. Yesterday afternoon, Lena had her first practice in a week and found out that an extra game has been added for tomorrow (in addition to the scheduled one on Saturday). She is so excited! And the best part is wearing the "costume" (uniform).
When I say goodnight to the three younger children, we always sing a song together. I ask them what they want to sing, and sometimes they pick something, but often they ask me to choose. Since it's necessary to sing the words from memory, the songs are usually hymns, but not always. Occasionally, they ask for a new song they've never heard before, and if I can't think of one, I make one up. They're on to me, though--"that's not a real song!" If it's been a special day, they beg for two songs, and once, we even sang three.
Last night, on the day of her practice, Lena asked me to sing a "baseball" song. I immediately thought of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" but couldn't remember all the words. As I started to try it out, Lena looked at me and said, "No, not that song! The one the lady sang last Saturday!" What a relief--I do know the words to the national anthem!
Now Where Does That Go?
The way we survive our morning routine is just that--routine. Every morning, I follow a certain order of activities, which keeps me from getting overwhelmed. But there are times when I can tell we are getting stressed out:
One advantage of living in an old house (1903) is that the main bathroom and the kitchen are located next to each other. In the early 20th century, houses in Chicago were often built like that to save on cost, since the plumbing for the entire house is all on the same wall. Therefore, the basement wall under the kitchen contains plumbing for the washer, hot water heater, radiator furnace, and an outdoor spigot. We also ran new plumbing up that same wall to the second floor when we converted a closet into a powder bath for the children.
In the morning, Jonathan and I wake up about an hour before the children do. While he showers and I make lunches and breakfast, we can talk about the coming day, since the bathroom and kitchen are so close together.
One day last year, he was having a hard morning, and I chuckled when he absently tried to put his dirty clothes into the kitchen trash can. But the tables were turned on me a few days later, when he caught me starting to dump egg shells into the dirty clothes hamper! I guess the trashcan and the hamper both have lids to lift before putting stuff in, but really! I hope we got a little more sleep that next night.
Shopping for Fruits and Vegetables
This morning I was packing lunches for the family, and made a mental note that we are low on fresh fruit right now. That brought to mind an experience that Jonathan had over a year ago:
We buy a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables, which can get expensive unless one shops carefully. We've discovered that the Mexican grocery stores in the Chicago area have fresh produce at very reasonable prices. Jonathan generally does this shopping about once a week, usually with a few of our kids in tow. Jonathan is completely fluent in Spanish, and it's practically a second mother tongue for him, having grown up as a missionary kid in Guatemala and Mexico. The children know this history, and their Stahlke grandparents even gave us a set of three miniature flags with the three birth countries in our family--Ukraine, the U.S., and Guatemala.
In Chicago, Jonathan doesn't need to use his Spanish very often. Most of the staff at the Mexican grocery stores speak English. He occasionally speaks Spanish with friends of ours from Central or South America.
Jonathan and the two older boys were shopping one Saturday, speaking Ukrainian in the Mexican grocery store. For Jonathan and me, Ukrainian is really hard and we speak it poorly, but we managed to communicate with the children before they could speak English. The problem is that when you are working hard on one language, it fills up the part of your brain that handles foreign languages.
One of the boys needed a bathroom, and Jonathan asked an employee in English where the bathroom was located. This particular worker did not understand English, so Jonathan decided to ask his question in Spanish. He was horrified to find out that he couldn't remember the words--and for such a basic question! Ukrainian had taken over that part of his brain! The boys did not believe at all that he is fluent in Spanish.
A few weeks later, once again with the boys, he ran into a friend with whom he always speaks Spanish. Because he saw the friend at a distance before they began talking, he could mentally shift to Spanish before the conversation started. They talked in Spanish for a short while about several topics, then said goodbye. Bogdan looked at Jonathan in disbelief: "You CAN speak Spanish!"
