More Firsts
All three of our schools (Garfield, Grace, and Concordia) were off on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Jonathan offered to watch the children all day so that I could work. It didn't happen that way, but that's another story . . .
Jonathan took the children to the Loop for some ice skating at Millenium Park. To avoid parking hassles, they took the "L," with Kola experiencing it for the first time. He loves trains!
While Jonathan explained their outing to me later, he also recounted the day for Kola. Jonathan didn't know the word for "ice skating," so he used the word for ice and made a skating motion with his hands. Rather than giving his dad the Ukrainian word, Kola just called it the "place where I fell a lot!"
He did enjoy his time there, however. Despite the cold weather and two hours of intense exercise, he never gave up. Rachel asked him if he had ever skated in Ukraine. He told her no, but that he knew about ice skating from TV: "I saw it on the Tom and Jerry cartoons!"
Postscript: Learning More English
I just remembered my original idea for yesterday's post. It got lost in the shuffle of other thoughts . . .
When a child is five and learning English, a necessary breakthrough is realizing that every word in Ukrainian has a corresponding term in English. Actually, this occurred even with our older children. I distinctly remember an evening meal about two months after they arrived in the States. They suddenly started pointing to all the items on the table and asking the English name for each of them. We must have taught them twenty words that hour.
Even in the orphanage, Kola would ask us the meaning of our English conversations. But the realization of corresponding words has been much more recent. About two weeks ago, Kola started saying goodbye with two words instead of one: "Pakah, bye!"
There are pitfalls, however. For weeks, he has been addressing our pet as "Sobaka" (the Ukrainian word for dog), but now he uses the English word "Dakota" for every dog he meets!
Learning More English
I have a few minutes today at the computer. It would be longer, but I am now picking up Peter at school ten minutes before the bell rings. He struggles with transitions, and the move from school back to home is a big one. His teachers suggested that getting him out of the fray while the other children collect their belongings and don their coats might help him from having tantrums or otherwise disrupting behavior.
My adoption counselor told me that transitions are often difficult for children from orphanages. Their fear of abandonment means they wonder if anyone will actually come to pick them up. What might happen to them? And those difficult feelings translate into acting-out behavior.
Well, I've digressed--my actual topic today was learning English. Every day, Kola adds more English words to his Ukrainian sentences. The latest is "Scuse me!" It's very handy when you need to go somewhere--quickly!
Firsts
OrangesAt first, Kola tried to bite his orange like an apple.
Ice cream "I know it's supposed to be good, since I've seen it on TV. But it's SO cold!
Cold milk"It's better at room temperature. I don't like it cold!"
Airplain rideJonathan spent a lot of time in Ukraine explaining the upcoming airplane ride to Kola. When asked about a typical American family, Kola replied, "Mama, Papa, children, dog, house, car, and airplaine!"
Fruits besides apples and bananasJonathan shops for fruits and vegetables at the Mexican market, and he loves to bring unusual ones as well as our regular fare. Kola loves fruit, and he has no idea that papaya, kiwi, and guanabana are any more unusual than plums and canelope.
First English sentenceKola has been inserting isolated English words into his Ukrainian sentences. "Mama, when are we eating LUNCH?" But two days ago, I heard a complete, albeit short, sentence in English: "Joshua, hi!" It took me a moment to recognize the words, since he pronounced his friend's name joh-shew-ah, but it was definitely English.
Goodnight routineOn Wednesday evening, I kissed Kola goodnight on the top of the head. He asked me something in Ukrainian, and although I didn't know the words, the meaning was clear. I leaned over so he could kiss me on the cheek.
Postscript: Learning to Cuddle
In Kola's orphanage, we often played with him in the "sport room." Besides the usual balls and sports equipment, the room also came with four or five children's umbrellas. A day didn't go by that Kola didn't pull them all out and dance around the room.
He also used the umbrellas to make a retreat for himself. First he would empty the ball container by throwing them one at a time across the room. Since fifty balls occupied this basket, this activity alone took at least ten minutes. (Never mind the time later to put them all back, but that's another story.)
Then he turned the ball container upside down and climbed in. By carefully arranging the umbrellas above him, he had built a secluded retreat. In an orphanage, such a spot is not easy to find.
On my departure day for the U.S., Kola's difficult behavior gave a clue to his reluctance to let me go. After all, he had waited four years for a mother, and he didn't want her to go anywhere! But during our last visit, he also showed his happiness by inviting Jonathan and me to join him in his retreat. As you can see from the photo, we are a little too big to fit inside the basket. But all three of us lay with our backs flat on the floor and stuck our heads under the edges of the umbrellas. Kola made sure to crawl between Jonathan and me. We all lay there for a long time, chatting and enjoying some family time together.
________________
A few days ago, as Kola was trying to fall asleep, he covered his face with his blanket. (It's interesting to me that he always does this, because his brother David does the identical thing as he falls asleep.) But Kola suddenly lifted the blanket, turned to me, and asked if I wanted to come under with him. "Da, Kola," I said, and he carefully arranged the blanket over both our faces. I felt privileged to be invited into his world, and we enjoyed some family time together.
Learning English
After supper each evening, our devotional time includes a Scripture reading, hymn stanza, and prayer. Kola needs to learn many new hymns to catch up with his siblings, so Jonathan started teaching him a few while they were still in Ukraine. Since Thanksgiving is coming soon, they started with hymns for that particular holiday.
About two weeks ago, I was unsuccessfully urging Kola out the front door since we were late for an appointment. I forgot the word for "Come!" in Ukrainian, so I used the English word with him. He looked right at me and proclaimed in English, "Come, Ye Thankful People, Come!"
Learning Ukrainian
Mikola is not the only one learning another language . . .
I'm trying very hard to delegate housework to the children. It's uphill, since the initial teaching phase takes more time than just doing the job yourself. But in the last month, I've insisted every day that Sarah and David clear the breakfast dishes from the table before we leave for school.
One morning recently I saw Kola helping his siblings, with a bottle of honey in one hand and a jar of Nutella in the other. Since his mouth was also graced with Nutella, I knew he still needed to brush his teeth, so I excused him from clearing the table.
"Kola, brush your teeth please." ("Kola, cheesti zube prochu.") But instead of telling him to brush his teeth, I had incorrectly used the word for eating ("yeasti").
He looked at me and suddenly grinned. He knew Mom had make a mistake in her Ukrainian; after all, who eats their own teeth?
Learning to Cuddle
"Mama!" Mikola pointed across the room to Paul's bed. After I said goodnight and tucked him in, I lay down on Paul's bed and watched Mikola fall asleep. He sucked his thumb loudly and rocked violently back and forth. At times, the thumb would come out of his mouth and he would sing loud rhythmic songs. Since the age of ten months, no one had rocked him to sleep, so he learned to do it for himself.
After a few nights, I insisted on laying on Mikola's bed instead of Paul's. "MAMA!" Mikola's displeasure and frustation were very clear, but I held my ground. He moved to the far edge of the twin bed, and I lay perfectly still, looking straight up in the air with my hands at my side. He rocked, sang, and sucked his thumb, with no physical contact between us. Because he is not used to touching, it feels very threatening to him.
More nights passed in this manner, and then one evening our dog Dakota jumped into bed with us. "Mama, make him get off the bed!" After awhile, however, Mikola decided that Dakota could stay as long as he remained at the foot of the bed, with my legs between him and the dog. Mikola's fear of Dakota, although gradually tempering, prompted him to move closer to me and nuzzle in, just a little.
Over time, Mikola's comfort level with cuddling is improving. Now he will casually drape a leg over mine, or bump into me (on purpose) as he rocks. And on occasion, if I lay my hand lightly on his back, the rocking will cease. My little boy, who at five is the youngest child we will have, is slowly letting me hold him like a baby. I feel like he needs it, and doing so also fills a need in me.
Learning (Proper) English
The din in the car overwhelmed my senses.
"BE QUIET!"
The din did not change.
"Mama, shchto ce yeh 'Be Quiet'?"
I answered Mikola with a soft "Shh" and an index finger to my lips.
"Be Quiet, Be Quiet, Be Quiet" he chanted. Then he turned to David and told him to "be quiet."
I silently rejoiced.
This phrase has special resonance in our family. I've told the children that if an entire day goes by without my hearing the words "Shut Up," then everyone gets a stick of gum the next day.
In two weeks, I've given out gum only one time.
But a few days ago, I heard Paul say "Be quiet" for the first time.
Score one for Mom!
Hebrews 12:1-13
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.
Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you may not grow weary or lose heart. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as children—
‘My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
or lose heart when you are punished by him;
for the Lord disciplines those whom he loves,
and chastises every child whom he accepts.’
Endure trials for the sake of discipline. God is treating you as children; for what child is there whom a parent does not discipline? If you do not have that discipline in which all children share, then you are illegitimate and not his children. Moreover, we had human parents to discipline us, and we respected them. Should we not be even more willing to be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share his holiness. Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.
Dressing Up
After a hiatus for Halloween, I'd like to return to some more baptism memories:
The night before Kola's baptism, we met privately with him and Grandpa Stahlke to explain what would be happening the next day. Grandpa described the robes that he would wear as he baptized Kola and preached. He told Kola about baptism, in simple language and through Jonathan's translation. Kola listened intently and then asked "Where is God?" He had attended church a few times with Jonathan and not yet seen him!
On Sunday morning, everyone dressed to the nines. We had chosen a suit coat for Kola, and when he saw that his brothers and dad were wearing ties, he asked for one, too. Adam saved the day by finding the small child's tie that had disappeared somewhere into the boys' bedroom.
After the baptism and the rest of the Sunday service, Trinity sponsored a wonderful potluck dinner to celebrate Kola's baptism. This church has done SO MUCH to help us bring Mikola here. Here are a few photos from this event. And when we got home, Kola asked if he could wear his new suit for the rest of the day!
Those Green Candies
Mikola searched diligently through his Halloween stash for the yellow packages of M&Ms. He ate the candies one by one, taking special delight in each of the green ones. He'd hold one between his fingers, stoop over and walk like an old woman, then pop it into his mouth with abandon.
"Ja Babi Yaha!" (I am Babi Jaga!)
Poor Rachel! Devoured by Babi Yaha, who kidnaps and eats small children. And lest you think that Ukrainian fairy tales are especially violent, remember that Hansel and Gretel were almost eaten by a wicked witch!
Postscript: Some Halloween Musings
My Miscalculations
1. Childcare for Mikola now will be like childcare for David three years ago.
2. Adding one child to five others will be a piece of cake compared to going from zero to five.
Oh, was I wrong!
1. Mikola lived with younger children for years, while David usually followed the lead of his older brothers and sisters. There is a marked difference in their maturity level.
2. As a wise parent told me recently, a new child in the family brings exponential, not additive, change. As the number of kids in the mix increases, the permutations of their relationships skyrocket!
Some Halloween Musings
Imagine a holiday with costumes, makeup, home decorations, and all the candy you can eat! According to my kids, it's almost better than Christmas!
Try explaining Halloween to a five-year-old child who has never experienced it. Then do so in Ukrainian! Luckily, a few cognates help: Kola's "kostoom" was the "drachon" from Shrek (sewn by Jonathan's sister).
Many Chicago homes sport elaborate decorations for Halloween, many of them quite gruesome. Since Mikola arrived in the United States only two weeks before October 31st, imagine his skewed view of American culture!
Kola learned to trick-or-treat with David and Sarah leading the way. After their first success, he caught on quickly and started running from house to house. After about a block he slowed down just enough to open wrappers and keep his mouth full the whole time. Luckily, mom is known for her large "trash" pockets!
Bittersweet chocolate is my favorite. It's been like that today. I surprised the children (and Jonathan) with Halloween place settings at breakfast: pumpkin mugs and napkins, candy corn candles, and decorated cupcakes from our church's last bake sale. All of these preparations took time away from making lunches, so I scrambled to finish the morning's duties. The children ate without me, and Kola kept asking, "Is Mama going to eat?" When I finally sat down, almost everyone was gone, and I didn't enjoy the meal with them. That was a mother's difficult lesson, and I will do it differently next year! Scrooge is not a Halloween character!
After two hours of trick-or-treating, Kola knew exactly how it worked--ring the doorbell, yell "trick treat," receive some candy, and say "tank yoo." Since houses in our neighborhood all have front steps, I hung back on the sidewalk while Sarah, David, and Kola did their job. In two cases, however, things backfired, but with varying consequences. For some reason, Kola pushed someone's door open instead of knocking first, and the woman inside started yelling at me quite loudly. It was impossible to explain to her that he's five years old and doesn't speak English, so we just went on. About an hour later, we arrived at a house as the occupants were returning from work. As they entered their front door to get some candy, Kola walked right in with them! I have to keep reminding myself that he's very, very new at this.
For three years, Paul has worn a "grim reaper" costume with a long black robe and a scary mask. He updated his black robe this year with a trendy hat and some gaudy rings; now he is a "grim rapper."
Rachel dressed up as an M&M princess. Maybe that's why Mikola always looked first for the yellow bags: peanut M&Ms. He actually held one up when we took a picture of him with his sister. If I can get my act together, I'll bring the camera tomorrow and add the photo to this post.
