Planning
Three years ago, we had only four weeks between submission of the dossier and our appointment date in Ukraine. That was a big surprise to us, since our paperwork was processed faster than anyone else 's who has worked with Ukraine through Lutheran Social Services-New England.
This year, the timing may or may not be fast, but Jonathan and I are planning as though it will be. Yesterday, he and I met to organize all the things we need to be do before traveling. It helps that we've gone to Ukraine before and know a lot about the cities we will visit. But having five children in the house definitely adds a layer of complexity to our work. Just getting them quiet enough yesterday so we could concentrate was a challenge.
Mundane tasks continue, of course. I'd rather be working on travel arrangements, but the van needs a new license plate sticker. And, of course, the ubiquitous dishes and laundry continue without letup. The children are more willing to help now, however, and they're pretty industrious when they work together. I'd be wealthy if I could reliably capture their energy and market it!
I Can't Comprehend
Lately, I've been thinking about our five children. The last time they saw Mikola, he was about one year old. Assuming the adoption goes smoothly, he will be five and one-half years old when they see him again.
What are they thinking about all of this? How will they feel when he first walks off the airplane here in the U.S.? Even knowing them well as their mother, I haven't walked in their shoes to know what this means to them.
Since Wednesday, when we told the children that the dossier had been submitted, they have exhibited more behavioral issues than usual. No wonder.
A Working Date
Last night, the younger two children attended VBS until 7:30 pm and the older three participated in a scavenger hunt from 7:00 to 10:00 pm with our church's youth group. That meant that for part of the evening, only two children needed supervision. A rare occasion like this calls for a date, and one of our good friends watched Sarah and David for us.
First Jonathan and I went out to eat at a local restaurant that was new to me. Then we went to Jonathan's office to write the letter to Homeland Security for Kola's visa. That activity was the most pressing thing that we both wanted to finish. It was a real load off our shoulders to finally get it done. The letter was difficult to write, but our case worker had given us some good advice on how to proceed.
This morning, while the children are doing their summer reading, Jonathan will package the letter with our homestudy, DCFS recommendation, and a form required by Homeland Security. This afternoon, during our weekly family outing, we will all stop at the main post office in the Loop to mail it. That way the kids can take part in preparing the LAST document for Kola's adoption.
Visa, continued
We're still trying to understand Homeland Security's instructions concerning our visa. When I read their Email, it made some sense--mostly that there's an extra form that we need to fill out. So, Jonathan is trying to telephone them, and we're decided how best to proceed.
As for the children, we have arranged that each one have a special experience this summer. Paul is attending church camp, Adam heads to Scout camp, we're still looking for a camp for Rachel, and Sarah and David are attending vacation Bible school. Last Monday was their first ever day at VBS, and they were full of questions. Knowing that church camp and Scout camp involve overnight stays, their best question was whether they would sleeping at the church Monday night!
More Work on the Visa
Jonathan emailed the Department of Homeland Security again, and their response was not clear and didn't seem to answer his questions. So, we are going to submit the materials we have from our social worker and DCFS and let Homeland Security process them. Masha wants the visa in Ukraine ASAP, so we're moving forward as fast as we can.
Some News
Two days ago, Jonathan received information about our visa from the Department of Homeland Security (Chicago office). We're still not clear about how to proceed, so he forwarded the DHS message to Wendy, Darlene, and Masha (our Illinois social worker, LSS-Connecticut program director, and Ukrainian facilitator, respectively.)
Masha wrote back right away. I won't go into her answer concerning our visa, because she had other big news. Yesterday she met with the Ukrainian SDA (State Department of Adoption) to submit our dossier (officially called registration of the dossier). According to Ukrainian law, the SDA has twenty working days to process our paperwork and decide to approve or deny our request. If approved, our documents are entered into their database and an invitation for an appointment is issued. We've heard from Darlene that families at various U.S. agencies have experienced about six weeks between notification of an appointment and the appointment itself.
The website of the U.S. embassy in Kyiv states that the time from submission to the actual appointment date ranges from three to twelve months. But three years ago, our time frame was less than four weeks. Also, the embassy website states that the SDA must process the dossier
within twenty working days; that means they might move faster.
All in all, we don't know yet when we might travel, but events have now taken a definite turn. It's difficult for me to concentrate on anything else.
Vocabulary
We didn't think "Neosporin" and "scooch" (colloquial for "scoot") would be among the first thousand words of a person learning English.
What Goes Around Comes Around
When I was a teenager, my parents often corrected my grammar. Even though I knew the correct versions of verb tenses, it was just easier to say the first thing that came to mind. Since my fellow high school students didn't always speak correctly, I had heard poor English enough that some of it became automatic. It always irritated me when my parents commented on my verb tenses, but I know now that they had my best interest in mind.
Our children, especially the older boys, are very prone to yell "SHUT UP" at anyone who is irritating them. Jonathan and I are trying hard to persuade them that "Be Quiet!" is better. But it's not a big enough battle for us to employ a substantial consequence--we have bigger issues with them that require more attention. But I still mention "Be Quiet!" to them when I hear "SHUT UP", and I simultaneously envision my parents dutifully correcting my speech, too.
Extension
We are applying for the free, one-time extension to our I-171H. This is the form that indicates the U.S. government's approval of our I-600A (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition). Our current I-171H, which was valid for 18 months, is expiring in July.
Jonathan sent an Email today to the Department of Homeland Security's office in Chicago. He is asking them for the proper procedure to extend our I-171H. For example, with our I-600A application, we were advised by our social worker to use overnight mail with proof of receipt. She said that if we took it to the Homeland Security Office in person, their processing would be slower, since they receive almost all I-600A documents by mail. It's better not to be the exception!
Last time we emailed this office, their reply was pretty fast. I hope they continue with their speedy responses!
How Did They Think Of That?
Week 1 in the U.S. (September 2005)Neighbors informed us that several of the children crawled out a second-floor window, traversed the roof, and re-entered the house through another second-floor window. Jonathan and I quickly learned that we had to watch the children very, very closely.
Month 6In the bathroom, I reached for the toothpaste tube. It looked very strange--all puffy and bloated. Upon asking the children what had happened, one of them smiled and told me that he had blown air
into the tube.
YesterdayOur local library has a new machine that allows patrons themselves to check out items. I tried out a book with my card and it was pretty easy, so when one of the kids asked to check out books, I said yes. (BIG mistake!) Even though I was seated only ten feet away, I didn't watch what was happening. (Second BIG mistake!)
The next child asked, too, of course, and the receipt appeared with two extra items (videos, not books) printed on it. The child insisted that they hadn't scanned the two extra items, but the videos were definitely checked out on my card, and we didn't have possession of them. I asked the librarian about it, and after a discussion, she agreed to remove them from my account. That's when you're glad you visit the library enough that the staff knows you.
The whole situation seemed very fishy to me, but I couldn't figure out what had happened. When I explained it to Jonathan that evening, he had the solution: There was a rack of videos about five feet away from the scanner, and the child had picked up the machine to play with it, pointed the red beam at the videos, and unknowingly hit two bar codes. Imagine his/her shock when the videos appeared on the printout! He/she was caught red-handed, except that Mom couldn't figure out what had happened! My childhood experience as an obedient daughter didn't exactly prepare me for these kinds of shenanigans.
Kids on the Phone
Me: "Hi, Sarah. This is Mama. How are you doing?"
Sarah: "Good."
Me: "Is Papa home?"
Sarah: "Yes."
Long pause. I finally break the silence:Me: "Can you tell him I'd like to talk to him?"
Sarah: "OK. I'll go get him."
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Sarah was probably wondering why in the world I needed to know if Papa was home or not!
Transitions
As of today, Rachel has completed her studies at Ukrainian school. We ask the children to attend through fifth grade, since in sixth grade their involvement with confirmation at church begins. Both Ukrainian school and confirmation are religious in nature (Ukraine Orthodox and Lutheran). In addition, both activities require a major time commitment: four hours on Saturday for Ukrainian school and three hours on Wednesday (+ youth outings) for confirmation.
We gave Rachel the option of continuing her Ukrainian schooling, but her heart is in the youth program at church. Our pastor and youth director have both commented on her excitement at joining. Actually, unbridled excitement is a better way to describe it. She is also looking forward to sleeping late on Saturdays! Between English school, Ukrainian school, and Sunday School, she has awakened early every day of the week for most of the last three years.
Last Day of School!
Excitement, apprehension, sadness, joy!
Such mixed emotions in the children today.
I react to their fears by loving them up a little more. Jonathan takes the route of humor. He responds with something so ridiculous that they laugh and the tension is broken.
Yesterday, Sarah visited the optometrist for an eye test. The results were near-sightedness with a little astigmatism. She needs glasses for distance, but not for reading, and the amount of correction is not very great. Yet, at breakfast this morning, she spoke over and over about her need for glasses. I'm pretty sure that her apprehension was due more to the last day of school, as well as the school talent show this afternoon in which she is performing.
Sarah: "I need glasses! My eyes are not very good. I can't see very well without glasses!"
Jonathan: "Sarah! At least the optemetrist didn't say you needed new eyeballs!"
Adoption
We have friends who recently adopted a boy from Guatemala. At bedtime, Sarah often prays that he can "get used to" his new parents as quickly as possible.
Lok Sei
Lok Sei (June 4)
Tiananmen Square
nineteen years ago
Countdown
The children's school year ends this Friday. They are counting down! Yet it's also a stressful time for them, since the summer is not as structured as the school year. We're seeing signs of anxiety and the accompanying acting out in all five of them.
Jonathan and I are also counting down. In the past two summers, all five children attended summer school four days a week for four hours a day. This year, none of them will be in summer school. Jonathan and I are showing our own signs of anxiety. We're working like mad to get things done in our last days of "school" time.
Cognates
When we first met the kids, we were thankful for every cognate we could find:
soup = суп
Soup is served at most meals in Ukraine, so we learned about this cognate very quickly.
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computer = комп'ютер
Internet = інтернет
Since I had to locate internet cafes to write this blog, these words came in handy.
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bus = автобус
machine = машина
automobile = автомобіль
"Bus" (sometimes "bus" or "autobus" in Ukrainian) was immediately recognizable. "Machine" is a true cognate, but it has the additional meaning of "car" or "auto." "Automobile" is also a cognate, but we didn't hear it very much. Our driver Andrei had a nice black sportscar, which the children always called the "black machine" (чорний машина).
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Costume = костюм
This is the word that the kids used for "uniform." Even though they don't speak Ukrainian anymore, they occasionally ask me for their "baseball costume."
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Scotch = Scotch tape
Here's an example of a brand name becoming a generic word. Our kids love to tape things--with LOTS of tape, if we let them--and only one day after meeting them, they were asking us for "Scotch." (I'd give you the Cyrillic, but it's not in the online dictionary.)
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Document = документ
This word functions for any important piece of paper, including receipts. Just a few months ago, Sarah was watching her uncle pump gas into the car. When the receipt emerged, she asked him if she could see the "document" (which she knows is an English word). He didn't understand her, of course, since she was using it in the Ukrainian sense. It's part of the English language that is Chicago-Stahlke-specific!
Like Mother, Like Daughter
As a child, my mother would occasionally address me by my sister's name, and vice versa. I've heard that in our family it's a generational thing, with my grandmother and great grandmother having done it, too. Well, now I'm calling Rachel "Sarah," and Sarah "Rachel" (actually, Luda "Lena" and Lena "Luda"), which my children love to correct. But last night the problem reached a new level . . .
I was folding laundry in the basement as Adam chose some clothing to wear. He and I were talking about my husband when he (Jonathan) called down the basement steps for me. In quick succession, I called back to him: "Dad, Papa, Jon!" But as I struggled for the correct word, it came out, "Da(d)-Po(p)-Jon!"
I don't normally address Jonathan as "Papa," but I do refer to him that way with the kids. And as the children become more Americanized, they are switching from the Ukrainian "Papa" to the American "Dad." My mind didn't switch very fast between my conversation with Adam and my response to Jonathan.
Adam was quite tickled by my new name for his father: "Daa-pah-jahn"!
