Sarah's Prayer
As a church musician, certain phrases become automatic as cues for playing the organ. For example, the Sanctus is usually preceded by these words from the Preface: "with angels and archangels and all the company of heaven, we laud and magnify your holy name, evermore praising you and saying:" That's my signal to start the Sanctus, usually registered with full organ and the Zimbelstern (bells) spinning.
On Holy Saturday before Easter (the western one, not the recent Ukrainian one), Sarah offered the following petition as part of her bedtime prayer:
"Dear Lord,
. . . I hope you and all the people in heaven have a good Easter tomorrow. Amen"
Yes, as it says in the Preface: "all the company of heaven." What a glorious image!
Easter Eggs
In Texas last summer, my sister-in-law Lois treated the three younger children to a wonderful outing. They visited an art shop where each child chose an object and then decorated it. The objects are as varied as picture frames, boxes, or even Lazy Susans. The art supplies for decorating include paint, beads, tiles, etc.
David quickly chose to decorate several wooden eggs. Little did he know that he was exhibiting an important link to Ukraine. Decorated Easter eggs (Pysanky) are a very important folk art in Ukraine, rich with symbolism. The following websites give some excellent photographs of these works of art:
http://brama.com/art/pysanky.htmlhttp://www.ukrainianmuseum.org/pysanky.html
An Easter Custom
A few weeks ago, the children told us in great detail about a custom in their village. On Easter, all the families would gather in the cemetery at the graves of their departed relatives. Each family would pray for the dead (about thirty minutes per person) and place candy, money, and paska (Ukrainian Easter bread) on the graves.
[For a photo of paska, see brama.com/art/easter.html
(go about halfway down the website to see the photo)]
After the prayers, the children would scatter throughout the cemetery and collect candy and money as fast as they could. "Mom, each of us could find almost $100 at Easter--and LOTS of candy!"
Easter Vigil!
It is exactly midnight, and the church bells in the tower start to peal. We join the congregation as they follow the priests, wearing highly ornate robes, and the laymen carrying banners. Down the center aisle towards the narthex and through the main doors into the chilly night air, we turn left and march around the entire church. Our handheld candles continue to blow out from the stiff breeze, but there's always someone who has been more careful to tend their flame from whom we can relight our candle. Three times we march around the church. We're not exactly sure of the meaning--three days that Christ lay in the tomb? Or Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? I'll find out eventually.
Back in the church, the service continues with two hours of chanting, wonderful choral singing, incense, Easter lilies, and lots of standing. Finally, the people line up before the priest. They give him a kiss like you see on TV from Russia--right cheek, left cheek, right cheek--with the following greeting in Ukrainian:
"XPИCTOC BOCKPEC! BOICTИHY BOCKREC!" (Cyrillic)
"Krih'-stohs Vohs'-kres! Voh-ee'-stih-noo Vohs'-krehs!" (how it sounds)
Christ is risen! He is truly risen!" (translation)
Jonathan stands in line and spots an acquaintance from Ukrainain school. "Is the service over now?" The man smiles. "No. We just completed Matins, which is the introduction to the main service. That is the Divine Service, which will begin soon." Jonathan and I decide that the children need to get home--several of them are asleep anyway!
Easter Vigil
This Sunday, April 27, is Orthodox Easter. After a meal of Ukrainian food at our home Saturday evening, we will drive to the Ukrainian Orthodox church where the children attend school each Saturday. At 11:30 pm, a procession led by the priest will circle the church, and close to midnight, the Easter Vigil will begin. At the close of the service three or four hours later, we will once again line up outside the church for the priest to bless our basket of Easter foods. I guess we'll have to save some food from our meal the evening before, since we are changing custom by not eating our meal at 4:00 am like the rest of the congregation.
Our pastor's son, one of Paul's good friends, will join us for the service. Over breakfast this morning, one of the kids asked why Neal would want to attend a long, long service in a language he doesn't understand. Sarah immediately answered, "He wants to see how Ukrainians do church!"
My Faithful God
In God, my faithful God, I trust when dark my road;
Great woes may overtake me, yet He will not forsake me.
My troubles He can alter; His hand lets nothing falter.
My sins fill me with care, yet I will not despair.
I build on Christ, who loves me; from this rock nothing moves me.
To Him I will surrender, to Him my soul's defender.
O Jesus Christ, my Lord, so meek in deed and word,
You suffered death to save us because Your love would have us
Be heirs of heav'nly gladness when ends this life of sadness.
"So be it," then, I say with all my heart each day.
Dear Lord, we all adore You , we sing for joy before You.
Guide us while here we wander until we praise You yonder.
--
Lutheran Service Book, Hymn No. 745, selected stanzas
Postscript: Museums--Shh!
A retired friend at church was surprised that I didn't know about Yuri Gagarin. I guess I'm showing my age. On the date of his first-ever human flight into space--April 12, 1961--I was about three months old and not yet the news junkie I am now.
It is interesting that his name never came up in any of my school textbooks.
The "Ur" Sport
Jonathan and I have always noticed how people with similar personalities often gravitate to a particular instrument. I won't give examples, because that could get me into big trouble! But personally, I have learned how to play many different instruments at varying levels of ability, and my aptitutes and interests are definitely with keyboard instruments. In music theory, Schenkerian analysis focuses on the
Urlinie or fundamental line (or idea) in the structure of a musical piece. The word "Ur" is one of those great German words that sums it all up.
Paul's basketball coach wants him to find his
Ur sport, so I guess the same concept applies. Three of our children chose soccer this spring instead of baseball. Our eight-year-old David may have found his
Ur sport. The last two seasons of T-ball and baseball, he has been squatting in the outfield, playing in the dirt while balls roll right past him. The coach finally made him catcher, so he'd be forced to pay attention. But at his second soccer game last Saturday, he played really well. I was so pleased at his focus and drive. Actually, relieved, too!
Museums--Shh!
When the children first came, there was a quick way to doom any outing. If we used the word "museum" (a cognate with Ukrainian), some of the children would absolutely refuse to go. It made me wonder what kind of museums they had visited. Jonathan and I had to be creative in our descriptions (e.g., a children's museum became a children's "center").
The first year, Jonathan's parents gave us a membership to the Brookfield Zoo, which we enjoyed a great deal. The second year, we joined the Museum of Science and Industry, since the parking fees alone pay for the membership. For our third year, we've joined the Adler Planetarium, mostly since Paul has shown an interest in space.
Paul's curiosity about space first became apparent when we visited Washington, D.C. in June 2006. We stopped at the National Air and Space Museum on the Mall and looked around for a while. Paul and I were walking through the exhibits on the early U.S. space program, which emphasize the Apollo flights and famous people such as Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrich, and James Lovell.
Paul moved fairly quickly through the exhibits, but came to an abrupt halt at the one exhibit on the early Russian space program. "Yuri Gagarin!" he exclaimed. "We studied him a lot in school. He's very famous." The displays were full of Russian terms, in Cyrillic, and Paul looked at everything very carefully.
I had never heard of Yuri Gagarin, but have since learned that he was the first human in space and the first to orbit the earth. And some people think that propaganda was exclusive to the Soviet Union and not the United States!
The Unconscious Mom
When Jonathan or I need to recharge our batteries, it takes about two hours. He goes to Borders and reads a book, while I take a long nap. After some time sleeping in peace and quiet, everything looks much more manageable to me.
The kids think that I sleep far too much. On Mother's Day in 2006, Rachel brought home a questionnaire from school in which she described me:
1. My mom's name is
Mary.
2. Mom's favorite food is
chocolate.
3. In her free time, Mom likes to
sleep.
etc.
I've been trying not to sleep on Sunday afternoons, since Jonathan has tended the children all morning without me. But periodically, we've had a late Saturday night or an especially busy Sunday morning, and if I don't nap, I'll fall asleep anyway! Anyone who works as a pastor or a church musician can understand the need for a "liturgical" Sunday nap.
Last Sunday was one of those busy days, and I took a nap even though Jonathan had to drive to Concordia to pick up some papers to grade. Without my knowledge, he left strict instructions with the children that they should only wake me if it was an emergency. Before he returned, I had sleepily fielded four (!) questions that they must have felt were emergency situations! For example:
Child: "Can I go play at the neighbor's house?"
Me: "You have to telephone Papa about that! His cell phone number
is . . . ."
Interestingly, the two kids who asked the questions are the most insecure of our children, and they may have been reassuring themselves that I was still available to them.
Rite of Passage
Two days ago, I received a phone call from the nurse at our elementary school. She explained that our ten-year-old Sarah had visited her office three times by 1:00 pm. Because her temperature was normal, the nurse continued sending her back to class, but finally the teacher became very exasperated and asked that she be sent home.
Sarah's pain was a sharp burning in her right ear. Since she has suffered ear infections in the past, we wondered if that was the cause. The lack of a fever, however, made us suspicious. Jonathan and I decided that she should stay at school, but that we'd take her to the doctor after school if the pain persisted.
After school, Sarah ran to greet me on the school playground. "What time is my soccer practice?" I asked her about the pain in her ear, but she told me it was much better now.
"Mom! Yesterday on my birthday, you and Dad told me my main birthday present was a pair of earrings and getting my ears pierced. Can we go today?"
Strike Settlement
Jonathan hates to do laundry. Actually, what he dislikes is figuring out someone's else's system for doing laundry. I have to agree--starting something midstream is difficult.
He pulled a lot of strings yesterday, and therefore it didn't take long for all of the children to apologize to me. Even the one who didn't need to! For two of the kids, it was the first time they've ever apologized to me about anything, despite the fact it has been needed more than once! Yesterday was a breakthrough day in more ways than one.
I'm back to washing clothes now, after two days on strike. It was amazing how many other things I was able to get done without laundry on my plate. My mind is working overtime now, figuring out a way for six of us to do laundry together on a regular basis!
Mom on Strike
Jonathan and I split a lot of duties in our house, depending on our aptitudes. Laundry has always been one of my jobs, and the quietness of our unfinished basement is a real draw for me.
With all of the spring sports starting last week (track, baseball, softball, and soccer), our family has been pretty busy around suppertime. Unfortunately, that's the time that we normally do chores, with all the kids working together under the supervision of both parents. Last week, many days passed with no chores, which means that housekeeping was falling way behind. Finally on Sunday, there was a slot of time available, and the whole family worked to fold clothes.
"Worked" is not actually the correct word, however. Most of the children complained bitterly about the unfairness of their job. I finally blew my stack, especially since their folding takes about thirty minutes, while my washing and drying lasts for hours.
Jonathan and I decided that I wouldn't touch another piece of laundry until the kids apologized to me. In the meantime, he plans to supervise their work on washing, drying, and folding laundry. Should be very interesting, especially when a child remembers at the last minute that they need sports clothing for a practice or game. Our dryer needs repair, so nothing involving clothing happens very quickly.
Hmm . . . they say that experiential learning is the best way to change behavior!
Teenage Rebellion
When your parents are both professional musicians, it's easy for a teenager to make music a point of rebellion. Jonathan and I are well aware of this possibility, so we pretty much ignore Paul's statements that he hates music. Actually, he loves rap, rock, and hip-hop, and his portable CD player goes with him almost everywhere. But finding an instrument to learn, which we require of all our children, has been a challenge. He's taking guitar lessons and is pretty good at it when he tries.
We did find out, however, one of the main reasons he was so threatened by music. He assumed that since his father worked as a music teacher, he was required to do the same. Once we assured him that he didn't have to be a professional musician, he felt much better!
Green Team
According to anecdotal evidence that we've heard, children who are physically delayed prior to adoption often catch up quickly once they live in a loving, permanent home. Personally, I think the groceries have a lot to do with it. In a day our family can consume a gallon of milk, 1-1/2 loaves of bread, a package of lunch meat, a box of Pringles, a baker's half-dozen of eggs, 28 pieces of fruit/vegetables, etc.
Whatever the reason, astonishing physical growth has occurred. One of our children has gained 11-1/2 inches and five shoe sizes in less than three years. According to our pediatrician, this child has gone from the 25th percentile in height and weight to the 75th percentile. In the many years this doctor has practiced, he has never seen this kind of growth. And our other children have also gained percentile points, although not quite so many.
Our children outgrow their shoes quickly. At first, shoes were not among the hand-me-downs given to us. Lately, however, the word has gotten out, and we now receive a lot of them. Although half of our children's shoes wear out before they outgrow them, the other half survive to be passed down to the next child. I have several boxes of shoes in the basement, all sorted by gender and/or type of shoe.
Recently, the "Green Team" at our elementary school feature tennis shoe recycling as the topic of a meeting. Our three youngest children are members of the Green Team, and I am a volunteer to help the teachers manage the 40 (!) children in the club. They meet once a month after school to discuss various topics and to work on recycling projects. Nike collects old tennis shoes and splits them into their component parts to make other materials. The rubber soles are especially useful when they are ground up to make surface material for sports venues.
Now that I know where to send our used tennis shoes for recycling, I have two possibilities for extending a shoe's life. One option, of course, is to pass the shoes to the next youngest child. Once the shoes are too worn to wear, however, I'll put them in collection boxes for the Nike Recycling Center. I'm sure we'll be one of their more prolific non-corporate donors!
Giving Back
Now that the adoption paperwork is mostly finished, our five children feel like our trip to Ukraine is more possible. They are giving away some of their toys for Jonathan and me to carry to Ukraine. They know the types of things that their friends in the orphanage need and want.
So far, we have an assortment of small stuffed animals and some small notebooks. They also want to collect toothbrushes, as well as balls of all types. So far, I can imagine fitting everything into our luggage, except for the balls!
PPRs are in!
Jonathan cleared his schedule yesterday so that we could drive to the Ukrainian consulate together and deliver the post-placement reports for the children. The man at the counter who received them, whom we have never met, broke into a smile when he saw the reports, and we both had the distinct impression that he knew who we were. He asked us how the children were doing, and was genuinely pleased that we felt they're doing quite well.
Afterward, we celebrated by eating together at the Breakfast Club on the west side. They have the best French toast in Chicago, at least in my opinion!
The PPRs are very important, even more so this year because of Kola's adoption. Now there is only one document still pending for Kola--the extension of the U.S. visa. The fingerprinting is updated, but we need to apply for the actual extension itself.
PPR
Post-Placement ReportsWhen someone submits a dossier to Ukraine for adoption, one of the documents is a commitment to do post-placement reports. Once a year, we fill out a multi-page form for each of our children, with details about their physical, academic, social, and developmental growth. Last year, each form required eight to ten photos, all taken within the previous calendar year. (Yes, that means forty to fifty photos for our family!)
Our current PPRs are late, due to all the paperwork for Kola's dossier. But Jonathan has been working hard on them, and they'll be ready for me to submit tomorrow at the Ukrainian consulate in the Loop.
These reports are very important, for the Ukrainian government wants to be sure its children abroad are receiving proper care. The number of international adoptions allowed in Ukraine this year is divided up between various countries based partly on their citizens' past completion of PPRs. Therefore, since the United States is known for its poor record of PPR submission, the number of adoptions allowed by Americans is lower than it might otherwise be. Luckily, exceptions are made for handicapped children or children in sibling groups, so we are not directly affected.
For more information, see the following website:
http://kiev.usembassy.gov/amcit_adoptions_notice_1212_eng.html
Double Entendre
When I was young, my mother would call me"sunshine" when she first saw me in the morning. I absolutely loved that nickname, and it still makes me smile. Now, when I tuck my younger children in bed at night, we always sing a song together. Over the last two-and-a-half years, I have often chosen "You are my Sunshine":
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
Unfortunately, this song so dear to me has a different meaning for my children. I only sing it now if they ask for it.
Developmental Ages
When we were preparing for adoption, our social worker required that Jonathan and I be trained as if we were foster parents. These classes are normally not required for international adoption, but she wanted us to be as prepared as possible since we were adopting so many children. Foster care instruction is provided through DCFS and is free of charge. I feel strongly that these classes would benefit any parent, whether they are adoptive, foster, or biological.
Our PRIDE training (Parent Resources for Information, Development, and Education) involved forty hours of classroom instruction, and then we took Educational Advocacy classes for ten more hours. PRIDE teaches about topics such as attachment, the grieving process, discipline, safety, etc. Educational advocacy covers the educational rights of your children, especially if they are students with special needs.
One of our PRIDE classes featured a chart with a ten-year-old boy surrounded by his various developmental "ages." We heard this boy's story, and then assessed his age chronologically, academically, physically, sexually, etc. For example, a ten-year-old child who has suffered abuse or neglect might be an academic six-year-old but behave sexually like an eighteen-year-old.
If a child suffers a serious loss at a certain developmental level, they can get stuck there. For example, when children become toddlers, they normally start to separate from their mothers and develop self-confidence and self-esteem. Losing their birth mother at this age can damage their sense of independence, and they may revert to infant behavior, such as clinginess. We were taught that in such a situation, the adoptive parent should tolerate clingy behavior to assure the child that you will always be there for them. The child will eventually move past this developmental stage, but reminders of their loss may trigger even an older child to regress into infant-like clinginess. For example, falling autumn leaves may trigger regression if the child remembers such an autumn scene as they were driven away from their birth home.
In addition, almost all children that have been institutionalized show developmental delays. The longer a child has been in an orphanage, the further behind they fall. Luckily, our five children stayed in the orphanage less than a year-and-a-half, which was the minimum stay required before international adoption.
Jonathan and I have to constantly remind ourselves that at times some of our children need to be treated as if they are younger. Sometimes, a behavior or discipline issue makes a whole lot more sense when we think about it that way. PRIDE training is excellent, and as I looked back at our PRIDE book to write this blog, several topics caught my eye for a good second look.
Going to the Movies
Jonathan and I have been amazed at how many movies describe children who have lost a parent(s) in some way. I'm sure these stories have always been around, but now we really notice them. Their vast number makes me suspect that parental loss is a primal fear that goes to the heart of a child's soul.
As these stories play out as movies on our television, I watch our children and wonder what they are thinking. It's especially difficult when we pop in a DVD or videocassette, thinking it will be fun, and then discover that the premise involves a child losing a parent.
Movies that specifically refer to orphans or adoption:Oliver TwistAnnieCider House RulesLemony SnicketAutumn RushSnow DogsTraditional stories that include the loss of a parent:
CinderellaSnow WhiteBeauty and the BeastHunchback of Notre DameModern movies that contain parental loss:
Finding NemoStar WarsFive Children and ItHolesSuper BabiesFar and AwayTitanicMrs. DoubtfireSound of MusicChronicles of Narnia10,000 B.C.Harry Potter
Names, Again
Me: "Misha, is Luda in the dining room with you?"
Misha: "No, Mom. Rachel is upstairs in her bedroom."
We've always given the children the choice of which of their names to use in any given context. Early on, they decided that Ukrainian names were good at home, while English names were better in public. But now, the children are exclusively using English names with each other, even at home. Jonathan has pretty much switched over, too. I'm the only one in the immediate family calling them by their Ukrainian names, and even then, I use their Ukrainian names only when their friends are not within earshot.
I've been waiting for them to ask me to use their English names, but months have gone by, and they haven't said a thing about it. So, I finally polled the younger three. The consensus is that they want me to use their Ukrainian names as long as we're not in public.
Since a blog site is anything but private, I will respect their wishes and change their names to English in my future posts. For those of you who need a refresher, here's a key for future reference:
Paul Ruslan, 14
Adam Bogdan, 12
Rachel Ludmila ("Luda"), 11
Sarah Olena ("Lena"), 9
David Mihailo ("Misha"), 8
Mikola, nicknamed "Kola," does not yet have an English name. We learned with the other five children that it's very hard to name someone you haven't met. Jonathan and I have some definite ideas for Kola's English name, but we're waiting on a final decision until our upcoming trip to Ukraine.
